King Zachary, with Cade’s face, turned to look at her. “You left me behind.”
Nyssa’s lash fell.
• • •
She awakened with a gasp. Sweat dripped into her eye and stung.
“Karigan?” This time it was Estral who sat beside her, her journal and pen in hand. Enver’s muna’riel emitted a gentle glow for her to see by. It was night. “Bad dream, eh?”
“One of many. Sometimes I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.”
“How are you feeling otherwise?” Estral asked. “Any, er, improvement?”
“Hard to say.” Her whole body was still blanketed by pain, but she did feel slightly more clear-headed.
“Well, Enver is out doing whatever it is that he does, and he instructed me to make sure you drink, and to offer you some broth. Do you think you could handle that?”
“Don’t know.”
Estral gave her a skin of water to drink from, and stepped out to retrieve the broth. When she returned, she said, “Enver thinks this will help you regain your strength.”
Karigan sniffed the contents of the mug Estral presented. It did not smell disagreeable.
“The gryphons went hunting and brought back a wild goose. They shared.”
A sign of spring, Karigan thought, if geese were to be found in the north. She raised herself on her elbows and stirred the broth with the spoon Estral provided. Chunks of meat swirled in the liquid. When a spoonful cooled enough to be tasted, she determined that, under different circumstances, she’d probably drink it right down. After a few spoonfuls, she pushed the mug aside and rested.
“Can’t you please try to eat more?” Estral asked.
“Not right now.”
“If you don’t try, you won’t regain your strength to help the king and my father.”
“I’ll try again later.” When she gazed up at her friend, she saw that her eyes had dark circles beneath them and that there were bruises on her face. Her expression was drawn with worry. “Truly, I’ll try again.”
Estral nodded slowly. “Do you promise?”
“Yes.” It was tiring just to talk, but she asked, “Are you doing all right?”
Estral blinked in surprise. “You’re asking me?”
“Yes.”
Estral placed her face in her hands as if to weep, but then she looked back up and folded them on her lap. “I am out of tears, completely dried up.”
“Perhaps you need broth, as well.”
“Karigan G’ladheon, I wish, sometimes, you’d stop being so damnably you.”
Estral did not swear often, which lent more weight to her words.
“I’m sorry?”
“Even when we were in school, you were like this, standing up to the bullies. Now it’s—it’s—” She waved her arms about in futile explanation. “More extreme. You just do these things, and now that I’ve actually seen you do what you do, I wish you’d just stop it.”
Karigan closed her eyes. In her condition, it was difficult enough to make sense of straightforward sentences. “You don’t want me to tell off bullies?”
“Oh, Karigan, you have no idea, do you?”
“About what? I’m having trouble following. So tired.” Her words were met with silence. She opened her eye to see that Estral still sat beside her with head bowed.
“You do know, don’t you,” Estral said, “that not just anyone would go running after me into the Lone Forest?”
“You’re my friend,” Karigan said. “Of course I would.”
“You knew it was dangerous, but you went anyway. You were hurt horribly as a result. You should have left me.”
“I would never—”
“And you still want to go back.”
“The king and your father are—”
“Most people,” Estral said, “after what you’ve been through, would leave such a rescue to someone else.” She then listed several of Karigan’s acts—her rescue of the then Lady Estora, jumping into a river to save Fergal Duff, going into Blackveil. She finished with, “It’s—it’s just too much.”
“Well, when you list it all like that, it does sound rather mad.” Karigan started to drowse, the waking world becoming a distant twilight. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“And now you’re the one apologizing when I owe you everything. Why do you have to be the hero all the time? I am not sure I know who you are anymore . . . or what you are.”
Karigan tried to shake herself awake for Estral was clearly agitated. It took great effort. “I know it’s not normal, but I’m still me.”
After several moments of silence, Estral said, “Oh, gods. I’m sorry. That was a terrible thing for me to say. It came out all wrong. I just can’t believe . . . It’s hard. Your back, and all of it. Why must it always be you? I hate that these things happen to you, especially when the latest is all my fault.”
“Nyssa’s fault,” Karigan muttered. She was too tired to offer further comfort.
“I hope you can forgive me, and I’m sorry for carrying on like this. It’s not what you need.” Estral paused. “I did want to tell you that I am probably leaving in the morning.”
This woke Karigan up enough to ask, “What? Where?”
“Enver wants me to ride Mist to the River Unit for reinforcements.”