“Perhaps,” Laren mumbled. She didn’t know what to think of Zachary’s behavior. Perhaps he would return to his duties when he needed a break from his “nesting.”
“Captain, if you don’t mind my saying, you should probably sit this audience out. You’re looking rather peaked. Castellan Javien and I can handle it.”
She was about to protest, but thought better of it. She was feeling rather “peaked,” and she had something else in mind that she needed to do before too much time elapsed. If she hadn’t been in such pain and blacking out earlier, she would have attended to it immediately.
“Thank you,” she said. “I believe I will take the opportunity to finish a project.”
He raised an eyebrow, but went on his way toward the throne room.
• • •
When she reached Rider stables, she faced the stalls of Bluebird and Loon. They stared back at her, then seemed to exchange some comment between them with whickers and shakes of their heads.
“Two peas in a pod, aren’t you,” she muttered.
They both looked away as if ashamed. Loon was clearly more nervous, tossing his head, and as well he should be. Messenger horses were more apt to protect their Riders than allow them to get hurt, but Loon was young and inexperienced, just as Bluebird had once been.
“Best we get on with this.”
Anna had tossed and turned during the night, trying to come to a decision, trying to screw up her courage. When she finally rose in the morning, she was resolved. She wanted to be more than just an ash girl, even more than an ash girl who served the queen.
Her resolve got her through breakfast, through her morning duties, and out of the castle. However, as she walked across castle grounds, her skirts skimming snow, her step faltered. Who did she think she was? She had no courage. She’d never been anywhere. She’d always been a servant. Why did she think she could be anything else?
Doggedly, she put one foot in front of the other and pushed forward against the invisible force that wanted her to turn back, to give up.
It would be easier to speak to Rider Mara, Rider Daro, or any of the others, but no, she had decided she needed to go right to the captain. As she approached officers quarters, her heart pummeled the inside of her chest and her legs shook. She could just forget this whole idea, just turn around and go back. Who did she think she was? But she had come this far.
She stepped up to the captain’s door and raised her hand to knock when someone cleared his throat. She whirled as if she’d been caught filching a tart from the kitchens.
“Looking for Captain Mapstone?” It was Lieutenant Connly striding by on the path.
“Yes.” She squeaked the word.
He did not appear to be fazed by her presence there, and he actually smiled. “You might try Rider stables. I saw her heading in that direction a short while ago.”
“Thank you,” Anna said, but he was already on his way toward the castle. She thought maybe she ought to follow him, but worked up her courage to walk over to Rider stables.
When she stepped inside and smelled the sweet hay and felt the warmth of the stable filled with horses, she quailed once more. She was trespassing. She had no business here. This time she really was going to retreat, but one of the stablehands caught sight of her as he pitched manure from a stall into a wheelbarrow.
“You lookin’ for someone?” he asked.
“No—no. Sorry.” She was about to run off when the object of her search, and terror, appeared from another part of the stables.
“Hep,” said Captain Mapstone, “could you give me a hand with Loon?” Then, espying Anna hovering in the doorway, she said, “Hello.”
Anna’s throat was too dry to respond. Perhaps it was the captain’s importance, or maybe her serious demeanor—at least she always looked serious to Anna—or maybe it was her red hair, but she was terribly daunting.
Captain Mapstone gazed at her, head tilted as if trying to see her clearly in the gloom, a look of interest on her face. “Are you looking for me?”
How did she know? Anna, her voice still betraying her, nodded.
“Do you hear hoofbeats? In your mind? Like all you can think about is finding a horse and riding?”
No, Anna thought. She hadn’t experienced anything like that. She shook her head.
Disappointment flashed across the captain’s face, then recognition. “You’re the ash girl Karigan helped, aren’t you.”
Finally finding her voice, Anna blurted, “Yes’m!”
The captain looked into the distance as though she was trying to remember something. “Rinnah? Hannah? . . . Anna?”
“Yes’m. It’s Anna.”
“So, Anna,” the captain said, “why don’t you come and give me a hand while you tell me what you need. Then Hep can finish his chores without interruption.”
“Yes’m,” Anna said with apprehension.
“You sure, Cap’n?” the stableman asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “Don’t forget you have a fence to fix.”
He grunted in response and murmured under his breath something about the daftness of Green Riders.
Anna followed meekly behind the captain down the aisle, with horses in the stalls to either side. Some watched her; others ignored her existence. They were big. People like her didn’t have horses. They walked. What in the world had she been thinking by coming here?
The captain led her into another section of the stables where a spotted horse stood with his halter hooked to cross ties in the center aisle. He was taller than many of the other horses. She halted uncertainly some distance away.