The king had protested her further involvement, wanted to protect her, but he eventually relented, knowing she was right, that she must be the one to go. Before she departed, he’d told her to come back. To him. She’d seen many things in his eyes at that moment, much that went unspoken—the words had been unnecessary—and she ran from him. Kept running from him and their dangerous feelings for one another.
It was, she discovered, hopeless to run because she’d already succumbed to the feelings. To him. A breeze cooled the tears on her cheeks; the stars blurred overhead.
Her father once said that merchandise forbidden to a potential buyer because of price often made it all the more desirable. He used this insight to his advantage in marketing goods, occasionally inflating the price of some of his wares to make them seem more attractive. More often than not, a once overlooked bolt of cloth initiated bidding wars by those who had come to covet it.
In some sense, this might apply to Karigan’s situation with King Zachary, but if it had just been about desire of the forbidden, she would have tired of it long ago, forgetting about him as anything other than her sovereign. There was more to it all, something more enduring. Try as she might, she could not forget him. He came to her in her dreams. When awake, she often imagined his intimate touch on her skin. It did not help that he kept telling her to come back to him when they both knew he was committed to Lady Estora.
She rolled over on the hard ground and gazed into the embers of the fire. If she could not forget him, she could at least attempt to move on by focusing her attention elsewhere. She needed to put the king behind her once and for all, and she found herself thinking about Alton. He seemed to want to resume a relationship beyond friendship. What would happen if she opened herself up to that? She had not seen him in almost a year and maybe seeing him now would awaken dormant feelings within her.
Or, she thought as she drifted into sleep, she could just give up. What did her inner turmoil matter when so much was at stake in the world? It was hard, though, sometimes not to feel so very alone.
During the next day’s leg of the journey, Garth rode beside her. She was happy to have him among the Riders. He was one of her closer friends, a big bear of a fellow whose hugs she could count on to dispel any sorrow. When the company slowed to a walk to rest the horses, Karigan gazed off into the woods only to have her attention drawn back by an ahem from Garth.
“Yes?”
“I was wondering,” he said, “what you’re thinking. I’ve heard maybe two words from you this entire journey.”
Karigan shrugged. “I’ve been thinking about Blackveil is all.” She would have liked nothing more than to confess all that was in her heart, but she could never say anything about the king, for her Rider friends were bound to his service, too close. She had no wish to become the source of gossip either, which was inevitable in such a tight-knit group. She had revealed herself to only one other person, her best friend, Estral. In fact, Estral had been sensitive enough to Karigan’s emotions that she guessed on her own.
It had been an immense relief for Karigan to speak of it to someone, but now Estral was far away in Selium and Karigan had to carry her burden alone.
“Well, I should think you’ll be happy to see Alton, finally,” Garth said.
“I will be. I am.” In contrast to all she held secret about the king, her relationship with Alton and its troubles were well known to her friends.
“Hmm,” Garth rumbled. “Then why do you look more ready for a funeral than a reunion?”
“Because my true love is already spoken for.”
“Oh?” Garth’s eyes popped wide open. “Your true love? And who might that be?”
“Why you, you big lunk.” She reached over and poked his meaty arm.
Garth’s mouth fluttered into an uncertain smile, and when the joke set in, he let out a great guffaw that echoed into the woods. “Best not let Tegan know,” he told her between laughs.
“It’ll be our secret,” Karigan replied. Alas, he did not know she’d only told the truth about her true love being spoken for, if not who. In any case, the joke served to deflect further questioning, and the company moved back into a trot, making any kind of deeper conversation difficult.
They made good enough progress so that by the next afternoon, Garth was sent ahead to inform the wall encampment of the company’s impending arrival. The closer they came to the wall, the more apprehension gripped Karigan, as she remembered the last time she was here and imagined what was to come. The feeling only deepened as she glimpsed the wall through the leafless branches of the woods. A hush descended over the company. Most of them had not been to the wall before. They would not forget it very soon.
When finally they broke out of the woods into the main encampment, she observed her companions’ faces turned upward to take in the wall’s infinite ascent into the heavens and heard their murmurs of dismay at the violent appearance of the breach above the repairwork, like some chunk of flesh ripped out by a giant claw.
The encampment itself had changed since Karigan was last here, with the construction of a neat row of snug cabins, long low barracks, and fenced corrals for horses and livestock.
Soldiers, both D’Yerian and Sacoridian, lined up at attention to greet them. Next to one of the officers was a flash of green—Dale! Karigan grinned. She wanted to jump right off Condor’s back and run to the friend she had not seen since last summer, but military decorum being what it was, she had to wait while Lieutenant Grant, Lynx, and Captain Garfield of the light cavalry presented themselves to the commander of the encampment. Karigan looked for Alton, but he was nowhere to be seen.