I just don’t know what’s happening in her head, and that’s the part that makes me nervous. Maybe she doesn’t want a baby at all. I just assume that she does, but what if kids aren’t in her vision for her life? Or maybe this isn’t the right time. She’s just started her business, and it takes up a large chunk of her time.
What I do know is that she’s scared, and that leaves a hole the size of Oregon in the pit of my stomach. I can’t bear to see the fear on her beautiful face.
Fucking door.
I finally lean my forehead on the bathroom door and close my eyes, willing her to come out.
“Cami, did you fall in?”
I can hear rustling, but there’s no answer. She’s so damn stubborn.
“I can hear you moving around in there. Just tell me that you’re okay.”
Or I’ll bust this fucking door in.
Just when I’m about to reach for the handle, the door opens, sending me off balance, and Cami startles.
“Have you been standing there this whole time with your ear pressed to the door like Mrs. Kravitz?”
“Who’s Mrs. Kravitz?” She’s still pale. Her eyes are round and a little glassy.
“You know, the crazy neighbor on Bewitched.”
I grin and shake my head. “No, I wasn’t listening the whole time. But you do realize that I’ve seen people pee before.”
“Not me,” she mutters, and looks to the floor. “It says it takes three minutes to process.”
“Which one?”
“All of them,” she says with a laugh. I take her hand and pull her into her bedroom, then into my arms, and simply rock us gently back and forth.
“Cami,” I whisper, and kiss the top of her head, breathing in the fruity scent of her shampoo. My hands glide up and down her back, soothing us both. “You don’t need to worry. Everything will be fine. We will be fine.”
“How do you know?” she whispers.
“Because I do. Regardless of the results of that test, we are going to be just fine.”
She takes a deep breath, then tips her head back and looks up into my eyes. Her gaze travels over my face as her hands cling to my back.
“I think it’s been three minutes.”
“Where is the test?”
“On the bathroom sink.”
I kiss her forehead. “Do you want me to get it?”
“We should look together.”
“Okay.”
“But wait.” She stops us when I move to walk to the bathroom. “I just want to say thank you. For today. Thank you for being the kind of man that I can go to when I’m scared, and for not making me feel like I had to keep it from you because I was scared that you might be mad.”
“We’re a team, Cami. I will never be mad at you for the way you feel. And if you’d hid this from me, well, you wouldn’t be the woman that I’ve come to love so much it takes my breath away.”
Her eyes fill, and she bites her lip. “Love you.”
“I love you too.” I hug her tightly once more, then take her hand and we walk into the bathroom together, then stare in awe when we see the word pregnant staring back at us from the white stick on the vanity.
“Well, I guess it’s positive,” she finally says, then glances up at me and blinks. I’m grinning down at her, suddenly relieved and so fucking happy. I didn’t realize until this moment that this was the result that I’d been hoping for.
“You’re sure you’re not mad?” she asks.
“Do I look mad?”
She studies me for a minute, and then smiles softly. “No, you have a goofy smile all over your face.”
“How could I be upset about this, Cam? The woman I love more than anything is going to have my baby. We made something amazing.” Suddenly I lift her in my arms and spin us in a circle, making her laugh, and kiss her hard on the mouth. “We’re having a baby!”
“Maybe I should take another test, just to be sure.”
“Take all of them, I don’t care,” I reply, and hold her close. “Are you okay with this?”
“I don’t have a choice.”
I shake my head and guide us downstairs and sit on the couch facing her. “That’s not the answer to my question. We’ve never talked about this stuff. Do you even want kids?”
She frowns when Scoot jumps into her lap and curls into a ball, not even batting an eye when she starts to rub his belly. “I do want kids,” she says slowly. “I just always thought they would come later.” She bites her lip and glances up at me, then continues when I nod. “I was so relieved when Brian and I didn’t ever get pregnant, or even have a scare.”
The thought of her having a baby with anyone else makes my blood boil, but I sit silently and listen.
“And that was just one more thing that I felt bad about. Brian wanted kids, and I refused to go off the pill because I knew, deep down, that our marriage wasn’t going to last, and I didn’t want to have a baby with him. It would have just complicated things.
“So thinking about kids has never been an exciting thought for me.” She stops and swallows, still petting Scoot, who’s purring happily. “I have some mixed emotions.”
“I think that’s perfectly natural when it comes as a surprise,” I say quietly, and rub her thigh gently. “But I have to ask you if you are tempted to . . . not have the baby.”
“Like, abort it?” she asks with a scowl.
“Yes.” I’m holding my breath.
“No, I don’t want to do that.”