“If you need anything, all four of us are here.”
“I know.” I hug Riley tight. “Thank you.” The fact that my friends have come in when they don’t have to, just because they know that being faced with Jake is hard on me, makes me more grateful than I can say.
“He asked me to give this to you.” She pulls a small white envelope out of her pocket.
“You can rip it up and throw it away.”
“Come on, Addie. Just read it.”
I roll my eyes and take the note.
Addie—
I miss you. Just talk to me.
—Jake
We can hear applause from the dining room. “He’s on,” Riley says. “It’s safe for you to go out there now.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” I sniff and put my nose in the air as I fold the note and shove it in my bra, then walk out of the bathroom, purposefully not looking in Jake’s direction, and begin to make my rounds through the dining room, asking diners if they’re happy with their dinners, and if anyone needs anything else.
I may be avoiding looking at him, but there is no way to avoid hearing him. God, I love his voice. He’s singing a Gavin Degraw song, and his voice washes over me. It’s the most amazing and the most hurtful thing, all at the same time.
But I force a smile as someone asks for another glass of wine and I try to block out that the love of my life is currently on my stage. He won’t take me home tonight and touch me or make love to me. Or simply smile at me or make me laugh.
There is nothing there, yet I can hear him, and it’s my own private hell.
“You okay?” Cami asks as she passes by me on the way to the bar.
“Yes. Can you please get another glass of house white for table fourteen?”
“On it.” She nods and bustles away, as if she waitresses every night. I turn at the sound of my name and smile when I see Christina and Kevin sitting at a table in the heart of the dining room.
“Hi, guys. How are you?”
“We’re fine,” Christina replies, her eyes shrewd as she watches me. “How are you?”
“I’m great.” Fake it till you make it, girl. I smile brightly. “Can I get you anything?”
“We’re great,” Kevin replies kindly. “It’s good to see you, Addie.”
“You too.” I smile again. “I need to check on an order from the bar.” I need to get away from them. It’s too soon to see people that I’d come to really care about who I don’t get to keep in my life. Just as I reach the back of the room, Jake begins to talk.
“This next song is for someone special.” That’s all he says before he begins to sing a cover of “Thinking Out Loud.”
Darling I will be loving you till we’re seventy.
I can’t do this.
My heart literally aches as it beats out of control. I march straight back to the bar, where Kat and Cami are filling drink orders.
“I can’t.”
“Addie—” Cami’s eyes are worried.
“No. I can’t do this. I thought I was strong enough, but I’m not. This is his last night. I’ll find someone else.” I take a deep breath, trying to keep my tears at bay. “I have to go.”
“Go.” Kat tips her chin toward the back door as she pours a beer from tap. “You shouldn’t be here anyway.”
I nod and fetch my purse, then walk straight out the door without looking in Jake’s direction.
I consider that a win.
I’VE HAD “THINKING OUT LOUD” on repeat in my condo all damn day. It’s my one day off, and I’m doing exactly what I want to do: housework and laundry. I have a green mask on my face, my hair in a towel, letting the deep conditioner do its job.
I might shave my legs later, just to make me feel better.
I mean, my heart may be broken, but that’s no reason for a girl to let herself go.
Cami and I met for breakfast this morning, and she told me that before they could tell Jake that he was fired, he quit after his set. That made me sad, which I don’t understand at all.
But really, I don’t understand many of my feelings this week.
Just as I’m about to go rinse my face and my hair, there’s a knock on the door.
“Ms. Wade?” a young woman asks. She’s holding a big white box with a red ribbon around it.
“Yes.”
“This is for you.” She’s smiling widely as she hands it to me. The bottom of it is warm.
“Is it going to explode?”
“No, ma’am,” she replies with a laugh. “Enjoy.”
“Thanks.”
I carry the box to my kitchen counter, pull the red ribbon apart, and open the box, frowning at the contents.
There’s another white box with a red ribbon and a brown paper bag with the most delicious smells coming from it.
I pull everything out, toss the big box aside, and open the bag first. A burger and fries from the lodge at Multnomah Falls.
They deliver?
Inside the smaller box is a framed photo of the selfie that Jake and I took at the falls. He’s kissing my cheek.
On the frame is engraved ALWAYS KISS ME GOOD NIGHT.
And there’s a note.
A—
This was at my second favorite place with my very favorite person. I miss you.
—J
I miss him too, but I’m completely confused. Is he trying to get me back? Or is he just playing with my emotions?
I set the photo on the windowsill above the kitchen sink and lean against the countertop, eating the burger. And how did he get this to me still piping hot? Did he helicopter it in?