Another reason I loved thrift stores? My total purchases when the cashier rang me out came to less than fifty bucks. I paid with one of Escobar’s hundreds, and the clerk narrowed her eyes at me. Damn, I hoped it was clean. The way I was dressed, she doubtless thought I was up to something, shopping at Goodwill and dropping big bills.
“I got mugged,” I offered. By a firebomb. It was almost true. “So a friend wired me some money. I need clothes but I didn’t want to spend a fortune.”
Her distrust softened into sympathy as she saw the few pesos in my wallet. “Oh, honey, stay away from the border. They’re mean as snakes around there.”
“Do you mind if I change out of this dress into something casual?” I lifted the bag and tilted my head toward the fitting room.
“Not at all.”
Because it made Shannon happy, I put on the jeans, white tank, and black vest, along with the necklace—the exact outfit she’d recommended. The good leather sandals Escobar had bought me were stamped, MADE IN SPAIN, and they went with anything.
Shan popped the trunk and I folded my clothes in my obnoxiously floral suitcase. There was room for the stuff I’d taken to Catemaco too, and I could probably roll up my duffel bag. It would fit in the corner there. Staring down, I saw the remnants of my broken life, and it saddened me.
“It’ll be okay,” Shannon said quietly.
I gave her an impulsive hug around the shoulders. “I know. I got you, babe.”
“Please tell me you’re not gonna sing.”
“How do you even know that one, anyway?”
“Oldies radio,” she said with an exaggerated shudder.
“Sonny and Cher were before my time too.” I got in the Charger. “Let’s go to Target. There’s one a mile and a half up the road.”
“What else can you possibly need?”
I sighed. One thing I never bought used. “Underwear.”
“Right.”
We didn’t linger. I hated big stores with fluorescent lighting and people wandering around who seemed angry to answer your questions. Sometimes dealing with customers could be nightmarish, but I loved helping people find stuff.
My phone rang on the way out of the store. I peered at the caller ID—unknown number. With some trepidation, I answered, “Hello?”
“¿Bueno?” I’d recognize Tia’s voice anywhere.
“Sí, bueno. ¿Como está usted?”
“No hay mucho tiempo, pero estoy feliz que estás a salvo.” Not much time, but I’m glad you’re safe, I translated mentally. She went on in Spanish. “I’ve called before, but I got voice mail. I have a metal box from your house. It was all I could save from the thieves looting the place.”
Oh, my God. My mother’s grimoires. Even if I couldn’t use them, it would mean everything to touch them again.
“¿Puede enviarmela por FedEx?” I asked.
I agreed to wire her some money via Western Union. There was a place she could pick up the cash near her home. Shan and I took care of that, and then I called back with Chuch and Eva’s address; Tia agreed to send the books overnight. I thanked her profusely and hung up, relieved beyond words.
The day was half gone by that point, so we stopped for barbecue at a little dive on Lafayette that Chuch liked. I fed Butch tidbits from my plate, and he showed his appreciation by licking my fingers. I gave him a drink in the ladies’ room and then we paused for him to do business on the scrubby trees that landscaped the place.
I sent a text message to Booke, letting him know I was all right and in Texas. Shannon started the car and backed out of the restaurant lot. I was glad we’d been able to eat our sandwiches without the car exploding, like it had with Chance and me the last time I was in Texas. I didn’t know about going back to Chuch and Eva’s place, but maybe I could use the grimoires to set rune wards, not just herbal ones.
“We should get the decals now,” Shannon said.
I nodded agreement.
After that, I had only one thing left to do now: explain the devil’s bargain I had made with Escobar. I wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.
Dark Tides Rising
By the time we got back, everyone sat waiting for us, including Jesse. Chuch swept me into a big bear hug, nearly crushing Butch, who gave an indignant yap. The mechanic held me at arm’s length to get a better look at me, but there was no masculine awareness in his gaze; for Chuch, the sun rose and set with Eva. He was like a big brother, and God knew I could use his uncomplicated affection right then. Then he hugged me a second time for good measure.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, prima. Heard from Chance?” That was Chuch at his most subtle.
“Not since we left Kilmer.” At first, I’d been crushed that he wouldn’t even try to prove himself, that he offered only empty words. But I’d had months of silence to come to terms with it. Kel had proved a remarkable help in that regard. At least now I had someone new to miss—depressing thought.
“Well, he’s working on it. Trust me on that.”
On what? Before I could ask, Shannon handed Eva the Disney decals, and then she got shanghaied into hanging them in the baby’s room, where she was sleeping. Since the Ortizes had a three-bedroom house—and one had been turned into an office—it meant the nursery had to do double duty. They’d put in a daybed, along with the crib, when they swapped out the full bed. Since he was a smart guy, Chuch glanced between the cop and me, and then decided he had business in the office.
Jesse’s sun-streaked hair was disheveled, his jaw unshaven. In faded Levi’s and a blue-and-white-striped dress shirt, he looked weary and rumpled. I didn’t know whether I’d contributed to that, or if it had just been a bad day at work. God knew his job wasn’t easy on the best of days.
“I didn’t want to get into it on the phone,” he said, “but I lost you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t feel you anymore. Last week, you went quiet.”
Strange. In the jungle, I remembered telling myself I needed to block better and not broadcast my feelings. Looks like it worked. That meant I didn’t have him reading my moods anymore, no special advantage on his part. I had to admit that made him more attractive to me.
“You must’ve been worried.”
He closed his eyes, and his lashes curled up against his cheeks, shining gold in the lamplight. “Until you answered the phone this morning, I thought you were dead.”
“I’m sorry.” The words seemed pitiful and inadequate.
Only then did he move, sweeping me up into a bonecrushing embrace. Jesse buried his face in my hair, and I could feel him shaking. This wasn’t my need or my desire influencing him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rubbed his back.
“God, I’m glad to see you.” The low fervency in his voice touched me.
Before, I’d always possessed a kernel of doubt about him, suspecting he wouldn’t be attracted to me if we hadn’t shared a weak moment where my sex drive got the better of me. I’d always secretly supposed he’d lose interest in me without my emotions for feedback. More telling, he didn’t even comment on the fact that I was thinner. I’m not sure he even noticed.
Despite my distrust, this was real. And I could build a life with Jesse Saldana. Maybe he didn’t have to give up everything to prove he wanted to be with me. I doubted I would’ve moved of my own volition, but since I had no shop in Mexico, Shannon and I could rebuild here. She’d said she didn’t want to settle down in Texas, but once we got the thrift store going, we could travel.
I knew the score. I could spend my life alone, pining for the impossible. Nothing would ever change as long as I clung to unattainable dreams and distant memories. It was ridiculous to think my life would alter in any meaningful way when I kept making the same mistakes. I was familiar enough with my own weaknesses to realize that if I let myself, I’d fall in love with Kel, given the least encouragement. Or I could wise up, face the facts, and make a different choice—a conscious one this time, not left to messy, desperate impulses.
You’ve been saying you want a normal life, a normal guy. Here he is. Time to put your money where your mouth is. Love wasn’t magickal; I could finally accept that. There would be no Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. Deep down, I always hoped for perfection to balance the terrible decisions I’d made when I was younger. But the best I could hope for was a man who offered a reasonable fit, one who cared. Jesse did. It wasn’t contingent on my gift, what I did for him, or even how I looked.
“I’m glad to see you too,” I managed to say.
“I feel like I’ve gone blind,” he said softly. “I don’t know whether you want me to kiss you or let you go.”
Part of me still mourned what I’d lost in the jungle, while the rest of me accepted the impossibility of it. I had to stop myself from wanting what I couldn’t have. I wondered if that made Jesse “good enough”? Somebody I could have without wishing for the moon. Maybe that was all anyone could hope.
“Maybe you’d better wait to hear what I have to say before we start kissing.” You may not want to afterward, went unspoken but he got the message and stepped back.
As if they had been waiting for the cue—and they probably had been—Chuch, Eva, and Shannon came back into the living room. Chuch settled in his armchair, and the sight hurt, because in my mind’s eye I saw Kel there, watching TV Azteca and petting Butch. I hadn’t known him at all then.
Once everyone settled, I summarized my situation. I expected the outcry that followed. To my shock, Shannon and Eva were most vociferous in telling me why I couldn’t use myself as bait. Chuch shared Escobar’s opinion that it was the most efficient way to draw Montoya out. Jesse sat silent with his jaw clenched.
“I’m having my mother’s grimoires sent here,” I went on. “For obvious reasons, I can’t stay until I put some proper wards on the place.”
Eva raised a brow. “I thought they didn’t work for you.”
“They didn’t before. They might now.” I didn’t elaborate. “I’ve probably been here too long as it is. I’m putting too much faith in Escobar’s amulet, when I really don’t know the man. He might think nothing of having a shoot-out here—without warning me first. Which means I need to keep moving.” I turned to Shannon. “Could you run me over to—”
“Get your bag. And your dog.” Jesse pushed to his feet. “As I’m sure you understand, Corine and I have things to discuss. I’ll take her home with me tonight.”
I’d never heard that tone before; he was worrying me a little. He seemed like an easygoing guy, but like most, he had limits. It appeared I’d found them.
“Will you be okay?” I asked Shannon.
She grinned at me. “I should be asking you that. But yeah, I’m fine.”
While Shannon gathered up Butch’s food and water dish, along with enough kibble to last a couple of days, I grabbed my suitcase. Jesse’s bitter chocolate eyes narrowed as he watched me, and then with a muttered farewell, he towed me by hand out to the Forester. He bodily boosted me inside and then peeled out of Chuch’s driveway in a squeal of tires.