Braden’s body buzzed with anger and fury. But buried beneath that rage was hurt. “I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about. Christ, if you’re scared, admit you’re scared. Don’t put this on me. I’m always here, always. I’ve changed my whole life since you and Jessie.” He never went out anymore, didn’t pick up extra shifts anymore. His idea of a good time was eating pizza and hanging out with them—and he wanted that. Wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything. Wanted to feel settled the way only they made him.
Wes was silent. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, his eyes distant like they used to be. “Well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to have your old life back now, then.” His words sounded hollow; hollow and sad.
Just how Braden felt. “And I guess you’ll just keep on running.”
Braden called Jock, and then the two of them walked out the door. Wes didn’t try to stop them.
***
Wes sat in Lydia’s kitchen a few days later, waiting for her to ask what was going on. Jessie was playing video games with her cousins in the living room. Lydia paced back and forth through the room, glancing at him every so often but not speaking.
“If you have something to say, Lyd, please, just say it. I can’t play games right now.” Because the truth was, he fucking hurt. This whole thing left a gaping hole inside him that felt like it got bigger and bigger by the second. Like it would swallow him.
“Jessie said she had a wonderful time over Christmas.”
“She did,” he nodded. “We all did.”
“Then what’s going on now? If you think I can’t tell something happened, you’re crazy. Jessie asked me where Braden’s been. What did you do?”
His eyes jerked toward hers. “Because I automatically did something?”
“If I’m being honest, yes.”
Ouch. If that wasn’t his cue to leave, he didn’t know what was. Wes pushed to his feet. “I love you, Lyd, I do, but I can’t do this with you right now.”
“Don’t do this, Wes. I don’t want you to be alone. What are you punishing yourself for?”
He took a deep breath, but didn’t turn back around to look at her. “I’m not punishing myself. I’m tired of losing everyone I love, Lyd. I am. I just...” Need him to want to be with me. He couldn’t handle Braden being with him just because he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t walk away.
“Just what?” she asked.
“I’m tired. I’m just tired. I’m going to grab Jess and head out. We’ll see you soon.”
She didn’t say a word as he went into the living room and got Jessie ready to go home. “Do you want to grab some pizza?” he asked Jessie when they got to the car.
“Yay! Pizza!” She bounced in her booster seat so he took that for a yes. It didn’t take long to get their food. They ate dinner together at the table and then settled onto the couch to watch TV.
“Uncle Wes?” she asked before he had a chance to turn the television on.
“Yeah, kiddo?”
“Where’s Uncle Braden?” Every muscle in his body cramped up at the question. It had been less than a week since they’d come, home but she was so used to seeing him, she missed Braden already.
“Well, I think he might be at work today. I know he misses you, though. Even when he can’t see you, he misses you.” He didn’t want her to ever think this had anything to do with her. If there was one thing Wes couldn’t deny, it was the fact that Braden did love Jessie.
“I like playing with him. He’s good at coloring.”
“And playing in the snow,” Wes added.
“And bowling.”
He tickled her sides. “And giving you too many sweets.” She laughed and Wes did too.
When she stopped giggling, she spoke again. “He’s good at lots of things, just like you.”
Wes’s heart ached a little at that. Was he? Was Wes good at a lot of those same things Braden was? Did he make her laugh and...hell, was he a nice person the same way Braden was?
“Is he gone like Mommy?” she asked, wiping her eyes. Wes’s chest cracked apart. His whole body did.
“No, baby girl. He’s not. Braden is okay. There’s just a lot going on.” It was a strange moment to realize it, but Wes noticed she never said “says” anymore when speaking about her mom. It was always “said.” It made his throat feel tight. It meant she really started to grasp that Chelle was gone.