I stop and lean my hands on the countertop, staring at my own refection, water dripping, panting, trying to drag enough air into my lungs.
Rat tat tat tat tat!
“Move, move, move! Retreat!” I called to my men in the wilderness of Afghanistan. “Get the fuck out of here!”
“Marshall is down!” Lewis yelled at me from twenty yards away, shooting with precise calm at the Taliban that ambushed us.
“Fuck!”
“I’m going up the hill to try to call for help,” Bates, the fourth on our team informed me.
“No, we stay together,” I shook my head and aimed my rifle, taking out another of the enemy.
“We need backup, man,” Lewis called over.
“You’ll get hit,” I call to Bates as we make our way through the trees. “There are at least fifty of them!”
“We need backup,” Bates repeats and looked me square in the eye. “I’m going up.”
Before I could respond, he ducked and ran back up the hill to get to high ground for the communication unit to work and Lewis and I opened fire, covering him.
“Three O’clock!” Lewis screamed and I turned to my right, firing, taking out three more Taliban.
My eyes searched for Bates and found him, still making his way up the mountain.
Suddenly, I heard Lewis grunt and as I looked his way, he dropped to one knee, but kept firing.
“Are you hit?” I asked.
“Affirmative, sir,” he called back and continued to fire.
“How bad?”
He didn’t answer. Looking up, Bates had reached the top and was setting up the comm unit when suddenly a bullet caught him in the right shoulder, knocking him back. He grimaced, but pushed on, raised the CB to his mouth, calling for help. Another bullet pierced the hand holding the mouthpiece, but damn if he didn’t pick it up with his other hand and kept talking.
“Lewis! Bates is calling for help!” I called out. Lewis was on his stomach now, still shooting and taking down men.
My own rifle continued to fire as well, and for a moment, I thought we might survive it, just one man down.
Until a fucking sniper landed a shot in Lewis’ forehead, killing him instantly.
“Motherfucker,” I growled and continued to fire in earnest, sure that all four of us would die here on this mountain, and I’d be damned if we went out without a fight.
“Back up is coming!” Bates called down to me, just before another bullet caught him in the left shoulder and he slumped to the ground.
“You hold on!” I called out to him, my heart beating erratically. “Get down, Bates!”
“Roger, sir,” he responded and watched me with glassy eyes as I continued to take out the enemy around us.
A flash of light came straight for us and landed several yards away, knocking me out cold.
What am I doing?
I shake my head, pulling myself back into the here and now and splash more water on my face with shaking hands.
I’ve wanted Brynna since the first time I laid eyes on her. She’s fucking gorgeous, who wouldn’t want to fuck her?
But goddamn it, she’s more than that. Why did I think I could just have her in my bed, and not fall in love with her?
Why couldn’t I keep my fucking hands off her?
I stare at the hollow, broken man in the mirror, knowing the answer already.
Because Brynna Vincent is it for me. There will never be another woman who can make me feel safe, make me feel happy.
Make me feel loved.
And her daughters are two little beacons of light in this dark hell I call a life that I just can’t resist.
And God knows I don’t deserve them.
Any of them.
Just the thought of Josie and Maddie calling me Daddy fills me with so much pride and so much fear I don’t know what to do with myself.
Things have gotten so far out of hand. We have to stop playing house. If not for my own sanity, for the sake of the girls because only heartache can come of this.
I couldn’t protect my men. What in the name of Christ made me ever think I could protect these precious women?
I stomp out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, punching the keys on my phone as I move, yank my bag out of the closet and throw the few articles of clothing and toiletries I have into it, zip it, and jog down the stairs, preparing myself to go toe-to-toe with the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Because I’ll never be the best thing for her.
“What are you doing?” She asks with a scowl, rising from the couch when she sees me.
“I’ve texted Matt to come be with you and the girls. It’s time I go, Bryn.” Dear God, don’t look at me like that. She blinks and her eyes turn sad, but she crosses her arms over her chest and thrusts her chin in the air.
“Why?”
I shrug and pull my jacket over my arms.
“It’s time. I think I’ll take a job I’ve been offered in San Diego. You’ll be fine with Matt.” Every word is like a knife stabbing through my heart.
“So, I tell you I love you, my girls fall in love with you, and all you can do is run away?” She asks, her soft voice full of anger.
Betrayal.
“Look,” I begin and wipe my fingers over my mouth, not able to look her in the eye. “I can’t help it if you mistook me fucking you for anything more than that.”
She gasps and I turn my back on her, my chest heaving, hating myself.
How can I do this to her?
“I figured I’d have some fun with you while I was here, but…”
“But what?” She growls between clenched teeth.
“But I don’t love you back,” I can’t turn around and look her in the face. God, I love you so fucking much I can’t stand it.
I hear her breathing hard behind me and pray she doesn’t cry.
Doesn’t beg.
But this is Brynna we’re talking about, and she doesn’t beg for anything.
“I’m telling you right now, Caleb Montgomery, if you leave you will not be welcome to come back.” Her voice wavers on the very last word and it’s a kick in my gut.
I nod stiffly. “I’ve already texted Matt.”
“Am I supposed to fuck him too, since he’ll be filling in for you?” She asks, her voice full of venom and anger, and she does exactly what she’s aiming for.
Stabs me right through the heart.
I’ll fucking kill him if he puts a hand on you.
I clench my jaw and my fists and turn to look her in the eye. I do my best to keep my face impassive, but I know I’m failing horribly.