Vulnerable.
Blind.
So fucking blind.
I know what kind of man I am. I know exactly what happens when I allow some piece of ass to become anything more than what I need them to be, and I won’t make that same mistake again. I fell fast and hard with her, but that shit was something I couldn’t control. What’s worse was I didn’t even want control.
I wanted it desperate. Thoughtless.
But that’s how I am. It’s how I still fucking am, and it’s what makes anything other than mindless, detached fucking out of the question now. I won’t leave myself helpless for someone again, not when I know how it’ll end for me.
So, I keep my heart out of it. I have to.
I’m a smart guy when I’m thinking with my dick, but when I allow the weakest part of me to get involved, I’m the dumbest motherfucker on the planet.
My heart isn’t mixed up in this. It’s not even in the damn state right now.
“I won’t fuck you again after tonight.” I drop my head and my voice, speaking against her hair. The scent of berries and cigarettes invade my senses. Not the most appealing combination, but my dick got past it enough to be interested.
She shifts her attention off the bar and looks up at me from her stool. Waiting.
“This is it. And it’s not a date. I don’t do that shit either,” I continue, needing to clarify this before I take her out of here. “Do you get where I’m going with this, baby?”
I never used to have this speech rehearsed. I figured most women were keen to have casual sex, but unfortunately, I’ve brought one too many of them home who seemed okay with this arrangement, only to have them clinging to me like damn Saran Wrap the next morning, begging to hang out for the day.
Hang out? No. Fuck. No.
She nods, keeping her lips firmly, seductively, teasingly wrapped around her straw, which I’m pretty sure is only sucking up air now that she’s been at it for a good ten minutes.
“One night. Just sex,” she affirms, leaning closer to give me a better advantage of her cleavage. I take notice, and she smiles. Her thumb and finger begin stroking up and down the length of the straw. My cock appreciates the innuendo.
“I can do that. I’ll even promise I won’t fall in love with you.”
I stand, dropping a twenty dollar bill on the bar top. “That’s not what I’m worried about,” I say, staring down into her eyes. The corner of her mouth twists into a smile as I stop her from jerking off the straw. “I hope you don’t think that’s anywhere near what you’re going to be feeling.” I flick my head in the direction of my hand as it wraps around hers, forcing all her fingers to grip the straw with enough pressure, it begins to bend in her palm.
She watches me out of the corner of her eye.
“This is how I like it.” I stroke her hand up and down, slowly, pressing against her skin. “Firm. You got it?”
She laughs, and it’s a nervous one, but I prefer that to some chick who thinks she knows what she’s in for. I don’t like it to feel familiar, not for me, or whoever it is I’m taking home. We’re not going to be getting acquainted. This will never be more than just meaningless sex to me. An empty connection, one that gets my dick wet, but keeps this shit as impersonal as possible.
“Ready?” I ask.
She grabs her clutch off the bar, and spins on her stool to face me. “Ready,” she echoes, tugging at the bottom of her skirt as she stands. Her lips go for mine, but I tilt my head and let her full mouth graze my jaw.
“No kissing,” I tell her, watching the curiosity spread across her face.
An eyebrow raises as she waits for an explanation.
“I don’t do that. Sorry. I’ll fuck you until you have trouble walking, but I won’t kiss you. That’s not part of it.”
“I’ve never had sex with someone and not kissed them. Isn’t that weird?”
“No,” I answer flatly. I lead her out of the bar to the parking lot, releasing my grip from around her waist when I get close to my truck. “Follow me. I don’t mind if you stay the night, but you have to leave first thing in the morning. I have shit to do tomorrow.”
I don’t. I have absolutely zero plans tomorrow.
She gives me a quirky look as she walks backwards toward a vehicle. “Have you always been this way when it comes to sex?”
“Yeah,” I answer, dropping my head into a nod as I open my driver’s side door. I watch her from over my shoulder, catching the limp shrug she gives me in response to my answer before she turns to get into her vehicle.
I climb up into my truck, my head now throbbing along with my dick.
This better be the extent of her questions tonight. The only other response I plan on giving her is “no, you don’t have to swallow.”
This is just sex, and the only thing this chick needs to know is how I fuck, not why I fuck the way I do. I’m not getting personal. My dick is. End of discussion.
“HEY. YOU GOTTA GET UP.”
I kick the edge of the mattress, jarring the lifeless body slumped across it. She doesn’t move, not even a slight stir to let me know she’s heard me. I move the coffee cup I’m holding to my other hand and reach down to pinch her bare ass. She squeals.
“Ow!”
“Sorry,” I say as her head slowly turns, her eyes peering through the dark hair that’s covering her face. “Remember . . . shit to do today? You need to get dressed.”