Blinking slowly, I try to take in what he’s just said, but my mind floods with questions. It doesn’t make sense to me.
“You know him?” I take a cautious step forward, stopping when Reed snaps his head in my direction. My hands tangle nervously together against my stomach. “You . . . were you friends? Why did he not recognize you?”
“We weren’t friends.” He exhales a heavy, depleted sigh, turning around and slumping back against the wall beside the window. He drops his head and his eyes lose focus. “I never knew him. I just recognize him. A few months after Molly went away to college, she started acting different. I didn’t know what was going on. She just stopped calling me, stopped coming home to see me, and when I would get her on the phone, she couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. I’d visit her when I could and things seemed fine when I was there, but Tessa was convinced something was going on. She told me to drop in on Molly when she wasn’t expecting me. So I did.”
I inch forward slowly, looking for any sign from him indicating I should stay where I am, but Reed never looks up.
“What happened?” I ask, apprehensive for the answer but too curious not to probe. The toes of my boots knock against his feet, halting my progression.
He tips his chin to his right. “Walked in on her riding his dick.”
I bring my hands to my face, my breath hot against my fingers. “Reed.”
He doesn’t react to my voice, his name, doesn’t lift his eyes from where they stay glued to some spot on the floor.
Oh, God. I knew she hurt him somehow. I thought she ended things, blindsiding him and breaking his heart. But this? Walking in on something like that?
Bitch.
I understand now why he froze up, but that still doesn’t explain why having the party here is an issue for him.
My one hand circles his wrist while my other falls to my side. “Why does it matter that it’s here?”
Now he can’t seem to look anywhere but where I’m holding him. He blinks once, turning his arm so my fingers slide to his palm.
“You’re about to hear how pathetic I used to be. I’m not sure that’s something I want you to know.”
“I bet I won’t think you were pathetic.”
“Sweetheart.” He licks his lips, wetting them. “I was the definition.” Lifting his head, he drops it back against the wall and stares at me through half-closed lids. His light hair is disheveled, some pieces falling close to his eyes. He looks tired, but God, he’s so sexy I almost forget what we’re talking about. Reaching up with the hand not occupied with mine, he yanks at the knot in his tie and pops the top button of his collar.
Now he’s unkempt. Unruly.
I’ve been known to get a little rowdy sometimes.
His words to me from our day together. A joke at the time, but now with this visual in front of me I’m finding it difficult to imagine him ever controlled. And strangely, I don’t want to imagine it. I want him messy, up against a wall. Clothes partially undone.
Me, completely undone.
The sound of his throat clearing has me searching for his eyes in the soft light. I had been staring at his mouth. His jaw. The cords in his neck. Did he notice?
“I was fine with her going away to college. Four years was a long time, but I knew I would be okay. I wanted her to know that. Wanted her to see how serious I was about us.” He pauses to scratch the back of his head, then his hand slaps against his thigh. He shakes his head. “I don’t know. Maybe at the time I felt desperate. I loved her. Love makes you do stupid shit. And I was definitely a dumb motherfucker back then to ask that bitch to marry me.”
I lean closer, sliding my hand up to the crook of his elbow. “You asked Molly to marry you?”
“Yeah, pathetic, right?”
“No, no that’s not pathetic. You loved her.”
He seems to find my response amusing. His lip curls up, and his chest rumbles with a quiet laugh.
A loud whistle sounds somewhere outside the house and a burst of light flashes behind the window pane. Reed and I lean over to catch the next firework shooting off against the night sky. It’s a beautiful distraction from the ugliness below, but my eyes can’t enjoy it. Not while my mind is swimming in guilt.
This is all my fault.
“I’m so sorry I put you through all this.”
Reed’s head slowly turns away from the window. His eyebrows pull together into a tight pinch, conveying his confusion as he looks down at me.
I explain through a stressed voice, “I just wanted to do something for you. I’ve never felt immediately comfortable around someone before, but that night at McGill’s, you made it easy. You made me smile, and I hadn’t smiled in months. Then Molly walked in and it was like she snuffed you out. I hated it. After five minutes of conversation, I became protective of you. I know that probably sounds crazy, but it’s how I felt. I thought maybe seeing you happy with someone else would get to her. I wanted her to look how you looked. But I had no idea I’d be dragging you into all this. I shouldn’t have done that in the bar. I’m so, so sorry.”
I move to back away, to take my hand off the part of his arm I’m still clutching, but Reed reaches out and grabs my other wrist. He flattens his back against the wall, pulling me closer until I have to lift my chin to look at him.
A softness passes over his face, but his eyes, my God, his eyes are electric.
“You didn’t drag me into anything. I said I would come to this, didn’t I? I’m the one who picked you up and drove us here, and I don’t remember you having a gun to my head, forcing me out of the truck.” His mouth twitches. “Fuck, Beth. Can a guy have a little credit? This disaster wasn’t all your doing.”