I danced. I smiled. I laughed.
And I didn’t think about anything else because I just couldn’t.
MASON
From where I was sitting, I could see Nate coming a long way off.
“This is the last damned place I thought I’d find you.” Nate grunted as he sat on the step next to the track. He sat carefully and made sure to lean against a thick and sturdy post. “Shit, Mase.” He pulled his knees up, resting his elbows against them. “I thought you were scared of heights.”
“Nervous of heights.” He was right, though. It was the last place I thought I’d end up too. I intended to go to the pool, but found myself climbing this rollercoaster instead.
“Same thing. Why the fuck are you here?”
I shook my head. “This is Logan’s spot. He likes to come and sit here. I think that’s why Dad hasn’t had it torn down yet.” I leaned forward to rest my own elbows on the front of my seat. “Guess it felt right.”
I nodded in the direction of town. We were above everything else, and the whole place spread out beneath us, like it was ours for the taking.
“She’s out there. I wanted to be somewhere maybe I could see her.” Even though I knew it was crazy, I didn’t care. I wanted to feel like I could still watch over her.
Nate looked out, then swung his head back to me. I could feel his gaze. “Fuck, man.” He let out a quiet sigh. “Talk to me. I know things changed, but I was your number one at one point.”
I gave him a rueful grin. “We never really talked back then. Not really.”
He looped his hands together, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. He was settling in. “I know, but that was how guys talked to each other at that time. We were kids. You were angry and hurting.”
I was. I closed my eyes and cursed. “I don’t even know why I was so mad sometimes. It’s not like I had a family then lost it. They were always like that.” I glanced at him. “You never talk about your parents.”
Nate grinned. “Because I have good parents. I love my mom and dad. I don’t like to rub it in your face.”
I grinned back. “Just did.”
“You deserve it.”
My grin grew. He was right. I did. “I’ve been a shit friend to you over the years.”
“No.” He grew serious, shaking his head. “No, that’s not true. I left. Things changed. I came back, and I was jealous. You were right to be cautious with me, but you never cut me out. I did some weasel things, and you could’ve. You never did.”
I owed him.
“You let me come to you, to your parents’ party, and you let me go upstairs and start a fight,” I said. “You knew I was going to do that, and you said okay.”
Nate snorted. “I think that was the turning point. My parents knew you were hurting, but when you did that, they were like, ‘Okay. Enough’s enough.’” His laugh had a sad ring to it. “They didn’t want me to become like you. But instead, all they did was hurt me. I lost my place as your best friend when we moved. I never fully got it back.”
Logan grew up. Logan became my ride-or-die, and Sam came along.
“I’m sorry for back then.” I glanced over to him. “I wasn’t an easy person to be friends with.”
“No.” He shook his head again, his tone thoughtful. “You were the easiest there was. I just had to be loyal; that’s all you asked for.”
“You were loyal—”
“No, I wasn’t.” He frowned. “Why are you trying to rewrite history? I wasn’t. You said to stop sleeping with the girls. I didn’t. I continued to fuck Jasmine. Then the whole video thing. I didn’t tell you about that right away, and I should’ve. Logan would’ve. Logan would’ve gone ballistic if Kate tried to blackmail him into drugging Sam. And freshman year here, I knew Sebastian was using me to get to you. I knew it, and let it happen. I even tried to make you feel guilty for not liking him. I did those things. Not you. Sam never would’ve. Logan never would’ve. You never would’ve. No. Your solid two are right where they’re supposed to be, right at your side. I lost my place, and I didn’t get it back for a reason. It took me until Sebastian to get my priorities right. You never have to apologize to me, and you never have to feel sorry for anything. You’ve been my friend. You never turned on me.”
I had to grin. “I don’t usually have heart-to-hearts with Logan. And even the few we have, it’s usually me telling him to shut the fuck up or him telling me the same.”
Nate shrugged, leaning his head back. He extended his legs, his heels resting on one of the tracks. “It’s overdue, if you ask me.”
“You’re wrong.”
“It’s not?”
“No. You did prove your loyalty.” I didn’t say the words, but our eyes met and he knew. The frat house. “You proved it.”
He nodded, then asked, “What are you going to do about those videos? Cops never showed up asking for them, so I’m guessing Quinn never mentioned them.”
I snorted. “Would you?”
Nate smiled faintly. “No. I wouldn’t. You still have them?”
I nodded. “I’ll keep them, in case he comes after us again. Just in case.”
But maybe I shouldn’t have them. Maybe that was the bad part of me I could help make good? Maybe that was part of why I was even sitting on a fucking abandoned rollercoaster in the first place. “I could delete them.”
“Why would you do that?”
“We did that to Quinn. He brought a gun to campus. I mean—” I suppressed the rage that flared every time I thought about it. “Sam was there. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
“So don’t, but don’t let it change you completely.”
“What do you mean?”
He leaned forward, looping his hands together, resting them on his legs. “The problem would be ignoring this whole thing. Don’t do that. You pushed a guy. We all pushed him, and maybe it was too far, but we could’ve pushed him further. We could’ve burned the place down. We’ve done it before. I could’ve actually screwed his woman. You could’ve released those videos. It could’ve been worse.”
“I don’t think Sam would agree with you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
My eyebrows went up at that.
“You know what I mean. You were protecting. That’s what you do. Sam knew who you were when she fell in love with you. She signed up for it. She can’t claim ignorance now and back out. That’s not right. If she’s scared, that’s another thing, but she can’t blame you. You’re being you. None of us are saints. That’s for sure, but it could’ve been worse.”
I shook my head. “He had a gun, Nate.”
“Yeah,” he clipped out, jerking forward. His eyes were blazing once again. “And the problem would be to ignore what happened. You’re not ignoring it. Neither is Sam. You’re both doing what’s right, but you don’t have to change. You already have.”
“What do you mean?”
“Not being scared, that would’ve been wrong. Acting like it was no big deal. Pretending it was all him, and not you or us. Not realizing how close you and Sam came to your lives being threatened. All of that would’ve been wrong. You guys aren’t doing any of that. You took notice. You’re acknowledging it. You don’t want it to ever happen again. You’re scared it could. That’s the right thing you’re doing. You’ve learned that you don’t want this to repeat again, and my guess is that it never will. You’ll read the signs. You’ll know when you’re going too far. You’ll rely on the rest of us too. I’m here. Logan’s here. We’re all here. No one’s leaving. It’s never just you. Ever. You can trust us. If you don’t see the line, we will. Trust us. Trust Sam. Trust yourself. You don’t have anything more to repent. You already have. You get that, right?”
Goddamn. I felt tears in the corner of my eye.
I scowled at him. “If you make me cry, I’ll punch you in the face.”