Jesse rounded my bookshelf and braked. His eyes went wide, but he didn’t say anything. A wall slammed over him, but I caught a dark emotion in there. My pulse raced. This wasn’t good. Backtracking, he caught Tiffany by the shoulder before she saw me too. He herded her the other way, muttering, “I forgot something.”
Trembling, I made my way to the table, but I knew I was pale as I sat down. Beth frowned, but didn’t say anything. Jesse and Tiffany swept behind us a few seconds later. Both ignored us, but her frown cleared and the corner of her mouth dipped down in disapproval.
I couldn’t take it. Grabbing my backpack, I stuffed my books and laptop inside before I hurried out of the library. When I rounded the corner, headed to the back of the library where my dorm was located, an arm grabbed me. I was pulled into a group of trees and bushes. It happened so quickly. I couldn’t react before I was pushed against the library’s wall and Jesse clamped a hand over my mouth. He hissed, “It’s me. Don’t scream.”
The scream was swallowed deep in my throat. As he pulled his hand back, I hit his chest. “Are you kidding me? Do you want me to have a heart attack?”
He grinned, so damned cocky. “That’s what you get for eavesdropping.”
Touché, but I wasn’t sorry. I glared at him. “You slept with her?”
His smile dropped. “Yeah. You knew there were other girls before.”
“Her boyfriend’s your roommate.” I didn’t say anything about us. I couldn’t. There was no exclusive contract, but it stung.
He sighed, leaning away to rest on the back of his heels. One of his arms was braced against the wall beside me. “He wasn’t at that time. It was a dick move; one that I’m ashamed of. But I didn’t like Striker last year and I still didn’t when Cord asked if he could move in. He was in Camden’s corner and gave me hell last year.”
Remembering when I had hidden in his hotel closet and the fight he’d gotten into, I was impressed at how Jesse had turned everyone around. He took them to the championship game. They hadn’t won, but everyone was looking Jesse’s way for another journey there. This time a win was expected.
“You haven’t done anything with her since?”
“No.” He gave me a dark look. “And she caught me when I was really drunk, both times. If anything she took advantage of me.”
Not surprising. Sighing, I wrapped a hand around his arm and bit my lip, just feeling the touch of him again. It’d been a few days.
He thought the same thing as he tucked a finger into my waistband and tugged me against him. My head rested on the wall as my back was arched, my body pressed into him. He watched me the whole time, his eyes darkened at the same time my lust started swirling in me again. It was always there, just waiting for the next time I was with him.
He bent low and nuzzled underneath my ear as his hand pressed flat against my stomach. His thumb began rubbing again. Each stroke made me forget where we were. As his ministrations grew bolder and slipped inside my pants, I was panting, holding his head against me as his lips nibbled the underside of my jaw. He whispered, “I want to go public.”
My eyes popped out. I stopped breathing. No, no, no. That couldn’t happen, especially after hearing Tiffany’s reaction. I couldn’t handle that.
“What?” He pulled back, his mouth in a flat line now. “Why do you freak out like that? You did it the last time too.”
“Come on.”
“Yeah. Come on,” he snapped. “I’m sick of hiding. I’m sick of the sneaking around and picking you up late at night, making sure my roommates are sleeping. I want you to come over so I can study with you during the day and not have to deal with Tiffany always asking. What’s your problem? Are you embarrassed?”
“Yeah, right,” I bit out. “Me, a nobody, being embarrassed at being the campus basketball star’s f**k buddy.”
His hand went to my shoulder and he pushed me against the wall. He bent so he was eye-level. “You are not my f**k buddy. Shit, Alex. You’ve never been. You know that.”
“That first year—”
“That first year nothing. I felt guilty. Ethan hadn’t wanted me to be with you and you were the first thing I did after he died.”
I flushed at the literal meaning behind his statement.
He continued, vehemently, “I’m serious. I’m sorry about that first year, but I was trying to stay away. I was trying to respect your brother’s wishes, but screw Ethan. If he were alive now, he’d know he was wrong. I mean, hell, he knew first hand that being perfect wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. He tried to do everything your parents wanted and when he messed that up—” His eyes widened and he stopped himself, but his chest rose from the effort. He backed away from me, watching me guardedly now.
I was slammed from what he’d said. My parents. Perfection. Ethan messed up. I lunged for Jesse and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing.” He tried to dislodge himself.
I reversed our positions. He was the one against the wall now, metaphorically and literally. I knew enough. Something had happened. Something my brother had done and somehow it included my parents. “Explain yourself. Now.”
“I can’t.” All fight left him. His tone was soft, defeated. “I’m sorry, Alex.”
“What are you talking about?”