“Yeah, sure. No problem.”
“Thank you, so much, Mr. Striker.”
“No problem. Thanks professor. I’m keen to learn about this stuff.”
“Shut up, Jamie,” Cord spoke this time.
“What? What’d I do?”
The professor cleared his throat and gave us another meaningful look. “Please refrain from talking for the rest of the class period. All of you.”
Not a problem for me.
After class, I sped out of there. Or I tried. Jesse was on my tail. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me into an empty classroom. As soon as that door was closed, I twisted my arm free and shoved at him. “Get off.”
He chuckled but stepped away. “I need to talk to you.”
“That’s surprising. I haven’t heard a word from you since I left. Thanks for that one text, by the way. Happy holidays to you too.”
“I’m sorry. I was trying to fix things before I came to you.”
I stopped. My eyes lifted and I felt my chest fill with hope. Did he?
Regret filled him.
My heart lurched. He hadn’t done a thing.
“I couldn’t. I’m sorry, but I’m trying, Alex. I really am.”
Shaking my head, I started for the door. “You’re wasting our time. Let it go.”
“I can’t.”
“Spill whatever you know or stop playing with me.”
“I’m not playing with you.” He took my arm again.
This time, I couldn’t pull it away. My heart was racing. I was struggling to breathe. Good god, it felt so good to have him this close again. I turned it off when I left him. Again, I became the numb monster that I’d been after Ethan died. It was like nothing existed. I watched the world happening through a television screen with no sound, no smell, no taste, no color. As soon as he touched me, the world became 3-D again. High definition. My senses were on overload.
“I’m not,” he insisted. Gently, he moved even closer until I was tucked against his chest. I felt his own heartbeat. It was racing like mine.
“Just tell me, Jesse. Please.”
It was as simple as that.
He let out a ragged breath. “I can’t because it’s not my secret.”“It’s Ethan’s.”
“It’s Ethan’s and someone else’s.”
I frowned. What did that mean?
“Look, I have to talk to you about your parents.”
All the 3-D and high definition of the world was slapped away now. I was back to watching the world in black and white, barely audible sound. “I don’t want to talk about them.”
“They’re coming to my game this weekend.”
“Now I really don’t want to talk about them.”
He tugged at my arm again. “They’re coming with my dad.”
“What?”
“My dad and my...that girl. She’s coming too.”
“Your sister?”
He nodded, finally letting go of my arm to rest on a desk.
Except my arm yearned for his touch again. It tingled where he’d held it. I rubbed at it, hoping that maybe it’d stop. It didn’t. It intensified. My entire body wanted Jesse.
“My dad dropped the case. He paid her off.”
“Your sister?”
“No, it was her mother. She was using her kid to get at my dad, but after seeing what your folks did to you, I talked to my dad. I met the girl. She’s sweet, kind of.”
I grinned. “Another ringing endorsement from Jesse Hunt.”
He grinned back. “It’s still weird.”
“So you met her?”
“Once. She seems sweet. Her mom’s a whack job so we’ll see how far the apple falls from the tree, you know?”
“Yeah, look at my parents and me. I didn’t fall far.”
He groaned, tipping his head back and raking his hands through his hair. “I didn’t mean that at all. I just meant, oh to hell with it. I want you to come to my game.”
I opened my mouth, a hot argument on the tip of my tongue.
He stopped me. “You haven’t been to one game. We’ve been playing for a couple months now. You owe me.”
“You owe me the truth.”
He slouched forward again. “I told you. It’s not my secret to tell, but trust me when I say I’m trying.” He reached over and drew me to him. HIs voice softened, “Believe me, Alex. I am trying. My f**king bed is too big for me. It feels empty now. I can’t believe I’m even saying that, but whatever. That’s how I feel. I want you back. I want you to move in. I want you with me again.”
My body melted. I sagged forward, wanting the same thing, but the back of my throat was burning. It was so f**king painful to pull away from him. The tears were there again, threatening to spill as I shook my head. “I can’t. You can’t keep something about my brother from me. I can’t come back until there are no secrets.”
He cursed under his breath.
Since I was at it, “And we define what the hell we actually are.”
“What do you mean?”
“What am I to you? Or what was I to you? A body to keep your bed warm? Fuck buddies? That’s what we were before—”
He jerked me back and bit out, “We were never that. You were never that to me.”My hand went to his chest, to push him away. It lingered instead. It curved against him and I felt his heart again.
“You were my f**king sanctuary, that’s what you were to me. You were my guilty indulgence. I should’ve stayed away from you, but I couldn’t. I still can’t. Jeezus. Look at me. I’m damn near on my knees here.”