“So.” Jessica dropped her gaze. “That does mean kids are important to you.”
He felt something an awful lot like fear at her refusal to meet his eyes. He and Jessica were already in a fragile place. With her refusing to share whatever was haunting her, and him getting increasingly frustrated by it, he’d been using sex as a way to keep them close. It felt a little like the past repeating itself, but he was hoping this time if he fought hard enough he’d wear Jess down. But if she didn’t want kids, that was a whole issue he might not be able to fight. “Like I said, I want them with someone who means something to me. But I do want them. They’re a deal breaker,” he said, giving her his honesty and dreading her answer when he followed it with, “You want kids, right?”
After a few seconds she lifted her head and stared into his eyes. He saw the truth in them when she said, “I really do,” but for the life of him he couldn’t understand the darkness that mingled with her honesty.
“And you can have kids, Doc?”
“As far as I know. But if I couldn’t, I would do whatever it takes. Adoption, IVF, surrogacy . . .”
Relief moved through him. “Good.” He lifted her chin because she’d dropped her gaze again and he kissed her.
He kissed her hard.
Then harder, longer, deeper.
He did it to shove out the voice niggling at his conscience to question her more.
Because he was gone for her.
And he needed to believe that everything was going to work out for them.
Jessica
Standing on the balcony of the ocean-view room that had been mine for my first three weeks in Hartwell, I searched for that peace that had come over me when I stood there the first time.
But it wouldn’t come to me.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and even as I dreaded looking at the caller ID I did it anyway.
Cooper calling.
I hit the red button and shoved my phone back in my pocket.
For the past few days I’d been avoiding him because I felt like just as big a liar as Dana. I hadn’t lied when I told Cooper I wanted children. I did want kids. I did.
But how could I even start talking about a future with our kids in it when Cooper didn’t even know the whole truth about me? There was no way I could tie him to me forever like that without him knowing everything.
I guess I just hadn’t really thought about that until the subject of kids came up.
My phone vibrated again and when I pulled it out I had another text from Cooper.
What the hell is going on?
I blanched, squeezing my eyes closed. If I didn’t answer him soon he was just going to show up.
Busy, I texted. I’ll call you later. x.
“Jess. Earth to Jess.”
I spun around, surprised to find Bailey standing by the bed with her hands on her hips. “Hey.”
“Hey. I’ve been calling your name from the doorway for the past thirty seconds.”
“Oh.” I was so out of it. “Sorry.”
Bailey frowned. “What are you doing in here?”
I shrugged. “I just like it in here.”
“Well, the new guests will be checking in soon, so we better skedaddle.”
I nodded and followed her out.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she said as we walked downstairs.
“I’m a little preoccupied,” I admitted.
“You don’t say.”
“Do you and Tom ever talk about having kids?” I blurted out.
Bailey almost stumbled on the last step. She shot me a look of surprise over her shoulder before marching toward reception. “What makes you ask?” She spun around, eyes wide. “Are you pregnant?”
“God, no,” I assured her. “I just heard about Dana and Cooper’s situation before the divorce. So we had a talk. About kids.”
“You want them, right? Cooper wants kids.”
“I’m well aware.” My voice sounded really high-pitched.
Bailey cocked an eyebrow. “You okay?”
“I want kids, too. It’s just . . . I’ve never had to discuss the idea with someone. It’s a little . . . intense.”
“Yup.” She made a face and then looked at the computer screen. A little too intently.
“So you and Tom?”
“Hmm?”
I was the mistress of avoidance and I knew another mistress when I saw one. I leaned on the desk, ducking my head so she had no choice but to look at me.
“What?” She sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. “Okay. Fine. Every time I bring up the subject he gets cagey. He’s cagey about marriage and children in general. For Christ’s sake, he still has his own apartment.”
“How long have you been together?”
“Coming up ten years. But that’s his point.” Now it was her voice that was getting all high-pitched. “He says that we don’t need a piece of paper to tell us that we’re together. While I say that if we’re going to have children then we need to protect them and each other legally by getting married so that if anything happens to either one of us, the other and the kids will be okay financially.”
“Good point.”
“I know!” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “But then he gets all mumbly and immature because the subject of children has been mentioned. He tells me that he does want kids but not right away. And he’s been saying it for eight years! Come on, Jess, I’m thirty-three years old. I hit thirty and started panicking about it being too late to have kids. Can you imagine how I feel now?”