Lie, lie, lie.
Hartwell is my home.
Emery gave me a sad smile. “I’ll miss you.”
That made me tear up all over again. “I’ll miss you, too.”
Later that night, I was sitting on Vaughn’s couch, sipping a glass of wine and staring dazedly at a movie on the television. All day I’d been plagued by thoughts I tried so hard to shut out. I couldn’t stop thinking about my sister. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much she’d like Cooper. He was everything that was rare in our lives growing up—supportive, kind, loving. Mostly I thought she’d have liked how safe he made me feel. He would have made her feel safe, too, I was sure of it. I thought she’d have been angry at me for leaving him.
No. I knew she’d have been angry at me for leaving him.
If Julia had overcome her depression, how differently might my life have gone? Maybe I wouldn’t have shut down so much about what had happened. Maybe I’d have been able to talk about the pain without feeling like I might genuinely die if I did.
If she’d lived, would I have gone down the same path without the grief weighing me down? Would I have still wanted to be a doctor?
Yes.
Tears burned in my throat as I imagined that life and I could clearly see myself practicing medicine.
It wasn’t just about penance.
“Shit,” I muttered.
Before I could think about my own stupidity over the past few weeks, the doorbell rang. My heart jumped in my chest as I looked at the clock on Vaughn’s mantel. It was nearly midnight. I placed my wineglass on the coffee table and got slowly to my feet, my heart racing harder when the doorbell rang again. Cautiously, I tiptoed out into the hall and put my eye to the spy hole in the door.
Standing outside was an abstract version of Cooper.
My breath caught.
Hands trembling, I unlocked the door and pulled it open to find Cooper glowering down at me. Joy rushed through me at the sight of him.
I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing there, but the words were silenced as he pressed his mouth down on mine without missing a beat, wrapped an arm around my waist, and pushed us both inside. Shocked, I grabbed on to his shoulders for balance.
And then, like always, the taste of his drugging kisses overpowered me and I was kissing him back before I could stop myself.
I suddenly found my feet off the ground as Cooper lifted me onto the sideboard in Vaughn’s hallway. He pressed himself between my legs and I wrapped them around his hips, arching into him and his hard, desperate kisses.
He broke the kiss, pulling back only to grab the hem of my nightdress in his hands and start tugging it upward.
“Wait,” I said, out of breath. “What are you doing? Why are you here? I thought you were fishing.”
His fingers tightened in the fabric, and there was something dangerous in his eyes as he said, his voice gruff, “All I could think about was the fact that when we last fucked I didn’t know it was going to be the last time. So I came back.”
A shot of pain lanced across my chest. “To punish me?”
He gave a sharp shake of his head. “To give us one last time, Doc.” He began to yank on my shirt again. “You know you want it.”
I did.
As stupid as I knew it was, as much as I knew it would only hurt even more in the end, I lifted my arms so he could take off my nightdress. My bra was quick to follow.
I shivered, my nipples turning to hard pebbles, drawing Cooper’s attention. He cupped my breasts and I arched my back on a sigh as he kneaded them, his touch sending sparks down my belly and between my legs.
“Now I get to remember you like this,” he said.
I saw the anger, the ice and the accusation, in his eyes and closed mine against it.
All I wanted was to feel how good it was between us. I didn’t want reality to intrude.
“Open your eyes, Jessica,” he growled.
They immediately snapped open for him.
His were narrowed on me. “Don’t you fucking shut me out for this. Not for this.”
“Not for this,” I promised softly.
Cooper wrapped his fingers up in a handful of my hair and pulled gently, arching my neck and back to lift my breasts closer to his mouth. He bent his head and closed his hot mouth around my right nipple.
I whimpered as my lower belly rippled with pleasure. He sucked hard, sending a sharp streak of desire to my core, and then he licked the swollen nipple before moving on to the other.
Needing to feel him against me, I began tugging on Cooper’s jacket. He stepped back from me and hurriedly removed it. He whipped his T-shirt off over his head, throwing it by my nightdress on the floor. As soon as he stepped toward me I grabbed on to him, yanking him back to me, our kisses growing frantic with need. With one hand I caressed his strong back, with the other his hard chest before sliding it down over his abs. At the feel of his abs rippling under my touch, arousal throbbed in my breasts and between my legs.
Cooper pulled back from my kisses, sliding his hand along my inner thigh. “Will I find you wet? Do I still have that from you, Jess?”
I looked directly into his hurt, hungry eyes and whispered, “Always.”
Pain flared in his gaze and suddenly he was kissing and biting at my mouth, his fingers bruising as he gripped my thighs in his hands. All I could do was hold on for the ride.
As he pressed hot kisses against my jaw and my neck, his tongue flicking against my skin as he did so, I rubbed my thumbs over his nipples, scored my nails lightly down his stomach, and panted with excitement when his fingers curled in the fabric of my panties. I stopped touching him only to brace my hands on the sideboard at either side of my hips so I could lift my bottom to allow Cooper to pull them off.