“Thank you,” he said in a low voice. “For risking yourself for a woman you don’t know and for a dishonorable man who has caused much trouble for all of you in the past. I don’t deserve the help you are unconditionally offering, but you have my heartfelt gratitude—and know this.”
He paused and speared her with his gaze, stared until he was sure she was looking directly at him, seeing him. The heart of him.
“If there is ever a time when you need help. If you need anything at all, you only have to contact me. I’ll come. No matter what. I can never hope to repay my debt to you all, but I can only try.”
Skylar surprised him by leaning forward and wrapping her arms around him, hugging him carefully, ensuring she didn’t cause him further pain. He went stiff, caught totally off guard and not at all sure what he was supposed to do. Nobody hugged him. Except Honor. And his sister.
“It will be all right, Hancock,” Skylar whispered close to his ear. “All is not lost. You’ve given up and you can’t do that. Is she worth fighting for? If so, then fight. Do you hear me? You fight, Guy Hancock.”
He hugged her back and rested his chin atop her head.
“You’re a very special woman, Skylar,” he said, weariness creeping into his voice.
“Go to Honor, Hancock,” Donovan said quietly. “Your head isn’t in the game right now. You need to reassure yourself she’s okay. We’ll keep you in the loop. We aren’t benching you, though God knows you’re in no shape to be doing anything but lying in a hospital bed, but if it were Eve or any of our wives, we wouldn’t stand down even if we were at death’s door. You have my word, you will know everything.”
“The very last thing she needs is to wake up and see me,” Hancock said bleakly. “I won’t hurt her any more than I already have.”
“She’s out,” Conrad said. “She’s not going to come around anytime soon. Stop torturing yourself. You and I both know this wasn’t your fault.”
“The hell it wasn’t,” Hancock said in a savage tone that made the others flinch at the raw pain in his voice.
Conrad was wrong and Hancock knew it. It was his fault. He’d betrayed her and he’d failed her and that was unforgivable. But he took Conrad at his word that he’d sedated Honor so she wouldn’t waken until she was in a safe place, and he needed to see her. To touch her even though he didn’t deserve either. But he had to know just how badly Maksimov had hurt her.
He nodded curtly and then quietly slipped into the tiny bedroom where Honor was huddled on the bed. Even unconscious, she was in a protective ball, curled into herself, so vulnerable looking that his grief was a tangible ache in his chest.
He loved her. He fucking adored her. He’d never loved anyone except his foster family, Eddie and Caroline Sinclair, the parents he never had. And his brothers, Raid and Ryker, and his precious baby sister, whom he’d also let down. It seemed he was forever hurting the people who mattered most to him. How could he ever look Big Eddie Sinclair in the face again after all he’d done? Before, he’d always known that his actions were a necessary evil.
But Honor was something he’d been utterly unprepared for. She’d slipped past his carefully erected barriers and somehow she’d become a living, breathing part of him. His other half. Now he understood what drove the Kellys in their absolute protection of their women, their wives. Because he felt it himself. But the Kellys hadn’t done to their women what Hancock had done to Honor, what he’d planned to do in the beginning with no regret or remorse.
Now, those were two emotions he’d keenly feel the rest of his life.
He slid onto the bed, moving inch by inch closer to her so he could smell her, feel her heat, touch her. It seemed an eternity before he finally had her nestled in his arms, and then he finally allowed himself to relax.
He buried his face in her matted hair, uncaring of the scent of dirt and blood. And then he wept. He wept for all he’d been given and for what he’d so callously discarded and betrayed. What was now lost to him forever.
Honor had changed him. She’d changed him on a fundamental level and though she now hated him, he would live the kind of life going forward that she would have wanted him to. He wanted to be the man she’d thought him to be. The only person who’d ever seen past the darkness that was ever present in his soul. He was done with Titan. Done with fighting for the greater good. He was finished being a man who didn’t even look at himself in the mirror because he no longer recognized the man staring back at him.
She’d given him the gift of herself, the very best part of him, and he’d thrown it away. All for the greater good.
CHAPTER 38
HANCOCK stiffened, coming to instant awareness when he felt Honor stir against him. Damn it! He’d drifted off, needing sleep and healing, but he hadn’t intended to stay this long. And she wasn’t supposed to regain consciousness until she was returned to her family. He didn’t even have another syringe so he could quickly inject her so she didn’t come to awareness.
He gazed anxiously at her, hoping she was just restless and would succumb once more to the drugs in her system. But he wasn’t that fortunate.
Her eyelids fluttered sluggishly and then she saw him. He tensed, awaiting her condemnation, her hatred, bracing for everything he deserved. But she simply stared at him with dull, lifeless eyes and didn’t react at all. Nothing. Fear skittered up his spine because she simply wasn’t there.