I make a snap judgment. The card said May all your Christmas wishes come true, and this year my wish is not to lose Alex from my life. Even if it means keeping me firmly in the role of his employee, I’ll take it. I’m doing what I have to do, and I’m going to his house. Loading up the audio tracks to a USB drive, I figure I can just take it to him. Then he’ll have his work, and I’ll know without a shadow of a doubt that I won’t be getting fired.
I know I might be crazy, but the thought of not having my daily calls with Alex is shattering. They’re something I’m not ready to let go of, even if my obsession has gotten a bit unhealthy. Glancing out the window, I can see the snow has picked up a little more. By the time I get out there, it will be really late. I should pack a bag and maybe stay at a local motel or something. If the snow keeps falling like it is, it probably won’t be safe to drive back tonight.
I rush to my bedroom and hurriedly get a bag together, stopping in front of the mirror to look at myself. I’m going to see him. I’m actually going to be face to face with Alex. I smooth down my brown hair, knowing I don’t have much time to do anything to it. I’m in leggings and a silly Christmas sweater that hugs my body a little tighter than it did a few years ago. It’s festooned with blinking lights you can turn on.
Doesn’t matter, I tell myself, grabbing my bag. I slip on some boots, a heavy winter coat, and a stocking cap. I grab the USB drive and my laptop, dropping them into the bag as well. I head out to my Jeep and program the address into my navigation. I hit the garage button, pull out of my driveway, and sit there while I watch it close.
An hour into the drive, my mind starts to get the best of me. What will happen when I get there? Will he be angry that I interrupted his Christmas? Or will he be happy he got the files he needed, and maybe invite me in? But when my mind goes to him maybe spending the holiday with a woman, I know I have to focus my thoughts somewhere else.
Grabbing my phone, I hit my Audible app and bring up my downloaded books. I hit one of the ones I recorded for Alex. I purchased the audiobook when it went live the other day. I want to listen to the story and get my mind off things, but as the first words are read, what fills my ears makes my stomach knot.
Chapter 4 Alex
After I jerk off twice while listening to Noelle’s voice, I decide to get out of bed and get something to eat. I could stay in bed all day listening to her and touching myself, but it seems kind of sad to spend my Christmas Eve that way.
I put on some long sweats and a thermal shirt, choosing to dress for bed since it’s getting late. Going over to my stereo, I play the Peanuts Christmas album. I know that if I put on another audio of Noelle, I'll just end up back in bed, stroking myself to her voice. I go to my refrigerator, trying to figure out what I want. I have a big dinner planned for myself tomorrow because I enjoy cooking, and I wanted to do something a little special for Christmas Day. Nothing in my small town would be open anyway, so spending the day reading and eating indoors is on the agenda.
Looking out the kitchen window, I see the sun setting and the snow is coming down heavily. I’m wondering if the power will even hold out for me to cook. Good thing I’ve got plenty of wood and a fireplace with a stovetop to cook on. I prepared for a worst-case scenario, knowing how bad the weather can be this time of year. Two years ago I got snowed in for over a week and had to hike it into town for supplies. I’m not planning on doing that again. Ever.
As I pull out stuff to make sandwiches, I think about how I should get a cat or a dog. Something to keep me company during times like this. I enjoy my solitude and being away from the world, but at times it gets really lonely. When I do go into town, I don’t talk to people unless I have to, and I try to cover up my scars as much as possible. I don’t like people looking at me and wondering what happened. Or worse, feeling sorry for me.
Shaking off that thought, I go back to making myself something to eat. When that’s done, I go over to the living room and sit down in front of the fire. I stare at the flames, thinking about Noelle and wondering what she’s doing right now.
She’s probably with her family like every other normal person. Enjoying her Christmas Eve with loved ones, or maybe going out with friends. Maybe she’ll meet someone while she’s out, someone who can be seen in public with her and who won’t feel the need to hide himself.
I think about what it would be like to spend Christmas with Noelle. If I was whole, and she was mine, I think I’d overdose on Christmas cheer. I’d want to spend all day in bed, cuddled up naked and keeping warm. I’d want to make love to her over and over, only letting her out of bed to make cookies with me and to open presents by the fire. Naked, of course. I’d want to taste every inch of her curvy body, eating her pussy in front of the fireplace. I’d want to fuck her over the kitchen counter so she was covered with flour and sprinkles. I’d drag her outside to make snow angels until she was frozen, and then I’d drag her into the tub and give her a bath until she was warm. I’d hold her close to me that night and whisper in her ear how much I lov—.
“Come on, Alex,” I tell myself, trying to shake off the fantasy. It’s not real, and it never will be. What I have is in my head and nothing more. Thinking I need something to lift my spirits, I walk to my bedroom and grab Noelle’s recording along with my cell phone. I glance down at it as I walk back to the kitchen and freeze when I see a missed call from her.
I don’t think twice as I call her back immediately, wondering how I could have missed it. Oh yeah, I was busy jerking off a couple of times listening to her read dirty books out loud. Jesus, Alex, could you be more fucking lame?