She quietly nodded as the attendant handed a glass of Merlot to each of us. When I took mine, I said, “I’ll hold it, but you’re drinking mine, too.”
Nina took a long sip. “I don’t want to get drunk, Jake. I need to be alert in case something happens.”
“No. You’re still shaking. What you really need is something to help you chill. I’ll be your eyes and ears if anything happens. Keep holding my hand and drink up.”
Several minutes after Nina polished off both glasses (which didn’t take much prodding), the pilot announced that we may be experiencing some heavy turbulence up ahead. Sure enough, soon after, the aircraft started jerking around almost violently. I hadn’t let go of her hand since takeoff. Holding it wasn’t going to be enough to get her through this. A distraction was needed.
“We’re gonna do something to get your mind off this.”
She breathed through her reply, “Okay.”
We started playing this game I’d completely made up where we took turns shouting out a word and then had to say the first thing that came to mind.
After a while, the turbulence let up, and our game ended, giving way to her simply asking me a ton of questions. One thing I’d learned about Nina was that alcohol made her chatty and inquisitive.
She turned her body toward me. “If you could travel to any place in the world, where would you go?”
I rubbed my chin pensively. “Probably Italy. My mother has some second cousins who live in Venice. I bet it’s beautiful.”
“It must be so romantic there. The Gondola rides? The food! Italy is definitely on my list. I would love to go someday.”
Maybe someday we will.
“Maybe someday you will,” I said.
“If this were a week ago, I would have said that a trip to Europe wouldn’t ever be possible because I refuse to fly. But I guess I’m proving right now that I am capable of getting on a plane, capable of more than I ever gave myself credit for. If I’m ever brave enough to do this again, so many dreams could become reality for me. Of course, without you to hold my hand, I’m not sure I’d have the courage.”
I swallowed the dread creeping up at the implication of my not being there someday to hold her hand. “You’ll do just fine with or without me.”
Our eyes locked for several seconds.
“I hope it’s with you,” she said.
I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to respond, feeling suffocated by a flurry of emotions. When I didn’t say anything, she searched my expression for some semblance of truth. There was no doubt that my behavior was confusing the shit out of her.
She changed the subject. “I never asked you. I know you’re spiritual, but are you Catholic? What religion are you?”
“You’re just one question after another when you’re tipsy, Nina.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’ll answer your questions all day long if it keeps you distracted.” I turned my body toward her to match the positioning of her own body still turned toward mine. “My mother is Catholic, but we never practiced. I don’t believe in any one religion. But I do believe in a higher power that some call God. There might be more than one. There might be a whole team in charge, but I don’t believe that all of this is just a coincidence without a purpose.”
“You believe that everything happens for a reason. You’ve said that before. I believe that, too. I had a hard time with my faith, though, after Jimmy died.”
“I know what you mean. It’s a mystery how a good God can also let certain things happen.”
“I’m starting to get some of my faith back, though.” Her eyes bore into mine. “Since I met you.”
Those words made me feel euphoric and like getting punched in the gut at the same time.
“I’m glad you feel that way,” I simply said, wishing I could tell her that not only my faith, but my entire outlook on life had changed since she entered my world.
Just when she was getting her faith in life back, though, I was going to drop a bombshell on her that our relationship might never recover from, that would likely break her heart and shatter her faith all over again.
Nina laughed to herself. “Maybe Jimmy met Amanda in heaven and said to her, ‘Your brother should meet my crazy sister.’ Maybe they conspired to introduce us.”
“That’s a nice thought.” I smiled. “I really like that thought, except Amanda would have said to him, ‘Dude, trust me, you haven’t met crazy until you’ve met my brother.’”
Her mouth spread into a wide smile, and I squeezed her hand affectionately.
Our attention then turned to an elderly couple who slowly made their way to the airplane lavatory and entered it together.
I wrinkled my forehead. “You think they’re messing around in there?”
She giggled. “That’s kind of gross.”
“Because I think she’s backin’ that up. Unless she’s helping him wipe his ass, why else would they have gone in there together?”
Nina covered her mouth in laughter with her one free hand. “I guess you could be right.”
“I’ll tell you something,” I said. “I want to be fucking around in an airplane bathroom when I’m eighty-five. That’s for damn sure. Why not?”
Her curious stare was penetrating. “Have you ever joined the mile-high club?”
I cringed. Ivy and I had done that years ago on the return trip from Vegas after our elopement. I wanted to be honest about whatever I could with her. “Yes. Once.”