I continued to watch her breathing as her eyes remained closed.
We could be so good together. In every way.
I prayed for the chance as her soft tiny thumb circled my big calloused one. She caught me off guard when she suddenly opened her eyes, turning to me and seemed surprised to find me staring at her. My eyes hadn’t left her since she’d closed hers. I was caught in the act.
The plane was losing altitude in preparation of the landing, and I became overcome with emotion. The slow descent represented the beginning of a new phase of our relationship, one that would be based on harsh reality, not fantasy.
I had to prepare myself for the likely possibility that I’d lose her and decided that if that were the case, moving out of the apartment would be the only option. To live with her and have to watch her from afar moving on with her life…dating…would be torture. The other side of the coin, if she accepted my life as it was, would bring me everything I’d ever wanted, things I never thought would be possible. What bothered me the most was that I truly had no idea which way it was going to play out.
I finally let go of her hand just long enough to push some of her hair behind her ear. “You better put on your seatbelt. The light just came on.”
Trepidation returned to her eyes as she thought about the impending landing. She leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I closed mine, too. She’d done it to calm herself down, but I’d done it to cherish the last moments of our flight. Inhaling every sweet breath that escaped her as she exhaled, I attempted to burn the scent into memory, trying to imagine what she tasted like.
After a rough, bouncy landing, the aircraft skidded to a halt. Our hands stayed connected as we exited the plane. We continued to hold hands as we navigated through the crowd at JFK and kept our fingers intertwined during the ride home. It started to snow outside while Christmas music played on the cab radio.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” she said, her voice almost pained. “I’m so much happier here than there.”
I’m happier when you’re here, too.
I tightened my grip on her hand as Josh Groban’s rendition of O, Holy Night came on. It made me sad that she was dreading Christmas. It was the main reason I was waiting to talk to her about Ivy since I knew the holidays would be hard enough on her. “I really wish you didn’t have to go, either.”
When the cab dropped us off in front of the apartment, I made no effort to go inside and neither did she. Nina sat on the stoop in front of our building and looked up at the sky while the snow fell on us, forming a powdery layer of white over her hair. Even though it was snowing, the temperature was mild.
She held her hands up to catch the snowflakes. “This is beautiful.”
You are.
“It is,” I said.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“It’s nearly 2 a.m.”
She bit her bottom lip. “We should probably go in.”
“Do you want to go inside?”
“Not really.”
“Let’s not, then.” Determined not to let this day end, I stood up and gave her my hand. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“To buy a few things.”
We walked the couple of blocks to the all-night grocery store. As we entered the bright lighting of the market, she looked at me inquisitively. “What are we getting?”
“Since we won’t be together for Christmas on Sunday, we should have a little party tonight.”
Nina was grinning from ear to ear. “I think that’s a great idea.”
I picked up a carton of eggnog, a small bunch of overly ripe bananas and some holiday sugar cookies. Clutching the paper bag with one hand, I held her hand with the other as we walked back to our apartment.
“Let’s stay out in the snow,” I said. “I’m just gonna run inside. I’ll be right back.”
Ryan and Tarah were watching a movie in the living room when I entered the apartment. It surprised me to see them up so late.
“Hey, Jake,” Tarah said.
“Hey.”
“Where’s Nina?”
“She’s outside.”
Ryan gave me one of his looks but kept quiet as I did my best to ignore him. Grabbing the blender and plugging it in, I dropped some ice, banana and eggnog inside then went over to the liquor cabinet for some rum. I turned on the blender to mix it all together and poured the drink into two large mugs.
When I rejoined Nina out front, a huge smile formed on her face as I handed her one. She took a sip. “Mmm…this is so good. What is it?”
“Iced banana rum eggnog. You like it?”
“I love it.”
“Cheers,” I said as we clanked our drinks together.
“Cheers.”
I nudged her with my shoulder. “This is my kind of Christmas.”
“Mine, too.”
We munched on the Christmas cookies and drank our spiked nog while the snow continued to fall. We looked up in unison at the sound of a squeaky window opening and knew what would come next.
Mrs. Ballsworthy didn’t say anything as she looked down at us. I took a chance when I held up my mug and shouted, “Merry Christmas, Mrs. Ballsworthy!”
We braced ourselves.
Nothing.
Nina and I looked at each other before giving up on a response.
Several seconds later, we heard it.
“Merry Christmas, motherfuckers!”
We fell back in laughter onto the snow-covered stairs.