Looking down at his hand squeezing mine reminded me of our plane ride home from Chicago over a year ago. It was hard to believe how much had changed between then and now. One thing that was exactly the same though, was how it felt when he touched me. It gave me the same goosebumps right now, as it did then. I was really looking forward to our long-awaited “reunion” later tonight.
Before we could get to that hotel room in the city, we had a very important stop to make just over the George Washington Bridge in Jersey; it was the main reason for our New York trip.
***
I couldn’t believe how beautiful the strapless white dress was, as I pulled it up…absolutely breathtaking.
It wasn’t so much the dress but the person inside of it.
“Skylar…you look so beautiful.”
“Thanks, Sissy.”
I loved her nickname for me. She deemed me her honorary sister, since neither of us had one. We promised to fill that role for each other during all of the big moments in our lives. She was too sick to come to Boston when A.J. was born but was feeling a lot better now that her treatments were over for the time being. It once dawned on me that cancer had taken away my brother, but in a strange way, it had given me a sister. If she hadn’t been in the hospital that day, I would have never met the person who’s inspired me more than anyone ever had.
So, as her big sister, I was here to perform my sisterly duties.
“Grab the duct tape. You’re gonna bind my boobies together,” she said.
“What? Why would you want to do that?”
“Instant cleavage. Come on…it’s over there.”
I pulled a long piece of tape out as she held her medium sized br**sts together. “I can’t believe I am doing this,” I said as she twirled around.
“Well, not all of us are lucky enough to be as boobiferous as you. Although, I have to say, that situation is getting a little out of control.”
“It’s because I’m breastfeeding A.J.”
“A.J. and a small third world country, apparently.”
“Shut up.” I laughed. “Jake likes them.”
“Well, if he ever goes missing, I’ll make sure to send the authorities straight to your boobie trap.”
We were both cracking up now. She always put me in the best mood with her sense of humor. I lifted the white dress back up over her new cl**vage as she looked in the full-length mirror.
“Much better,” she said. “Can you grab my wig? It’s on the top shelf of the closet.”
Even though her hair was starting to grow back, it was still very short, so she opted to wear the long auburn wig I had gotten her. When I placed it on her head as we looked in the mirror, her expression brightened.
I was smiling so wide, my mouth hurt. She looked like a supermodel. “Mitch is going to die.”
My phone vibrated, and then I heard Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith, which Jake programmed in as the ringtone for his calls. Classic Jake. I picked up. “Hey, babe…yeah, she’s just about ready. You guys can come over in like five minutes, okay?”
Jake had A.J. with him across the street at Mitch’s house. They were hanging out there while I helped Skylar get ready. Mitch and she were still best friends, but Skylar had it bad for him. They hadn’t crossed that line yet, and I was hoping things wouldn’t get out of control tonight, because she was still too young. But I knew how strong her feelings for him were, so we had a talk about being careful in the event that something were to happen.
Mitch had asked her to accompany him to his junior prom several months ago when she was still sick in the hospital. For a while, we weren’t sure if she was going to be able to go. He told her if she couldn’t go with him, he wasn’t going either. Thank goodness, she is feeling better and was able to make it, because this was one of her dreams come true.
We heard the doorbell ring and let Skylar’s mother answer it while I touched up her makeup. From the top of the staircase, I could see that Mitch was standing there next to Jake, who had A.J. on his chest in the Baby Bjorn.
Mitch looked extremely handsome in a black suit, his unruly brown hair sculpted to perfection. He had matured a lot since the pictures I had seen of him when I first met Skylar and now had a decent amount of chin hair. He was turning into a man.
When Skylar walked down the stairs, the look on Mitch’s face showed a love that had been bottled up, finally set free. If there was any doubt about his true feelings for her, it was wiped away in that moment when I looked at his bright blue eyes upon seeing her.
“Skylar…I…” He was speechless.
In typical Skylar fashion, she broke the ice. “Yeah, yeah…you look hot, too. Let’s get out of here.”
After stopping to take pictures, Mitch and Skylar walked toward the waiting white Hummer limousine that would be headed to pick some of their friends.
Jake stopped Mitch before he got in. “Hey, Bitch. Don’t forget what I said.”
Mitch looked back at Jake and smiled. “Alright, man.”
I wondered what that was all about, as I walked over to the other side of the limo to give Skylar a final hug goodbye.
“Thank you, Sissy,” she said and I couldn’t help letting the teardrop that formed in my eye loose.
“I love you,” I said, now fully engulfed in tears.
Jake, A.J. and I stood in the middle of the empty suburban street as the sun was starting to set, watching the limo until it was completely out of sight.
I turned to Jake. “What did you say to Mitch anyway?”
“I told him not to waste time with bullshit…to tell her exactly how he feels. Did you know that dude started to tear up when he was talking to me about how he feared she wouldn’t even be alive when his prom came around, let alone be able to go with him? He has some deep-rooted feelings for her, and it’s just stupid to hold them in, you know?”
“Wow.”
He looked at me. “I know how scary it can be to love someone that strongly, but you can’t live in fear.”
I loved him so much.
Ask me to marry you now. I swear, I’ll say yes.
“And I also gave him some condoms,” Jake said.
“You did what?”
“Come on, don’t be naïve. It might not happen, but he damn well better cover it up if it does.”
“I suppose you’re right, especially with the way he was looking at her. I had a talk with her too.” I kissed A.J. on the head as he sat quietly in Jake’s arms in the carrier and said in a baby voice, “We know all about the surprises that unprotected sex can bring.”
“Speaking of unprotected sex…I plan to have a lot of it tonight,” he whispered in my ear.
I couldn’t wait to get to our room either. “Let’s get going then.”
CHAPTER 31
When we arrived at our hotel in the city, Jake had surprised me with a two-bedroom suite, so that we could have some privacy when the baby was asleep. It must have cost him a fortune. The front desk clerk handed us two key cards. “This one is for you, and you can give this one to your wife,” she said.
Jake stared right through me when he took them and corrected her. “My girlfriend. Thanks.”
Ouch.
We hadn’t said anything to each other on our way up to the room. Normally, whenever we were in an elevator, Jake would start cracking jokes about our first experience together in one. But tonight, he didn’t say a word. Something was upsetting him.
The suite was small but nice, decorated in cozy warm colors. It had a smaller bedroom off of the main room and a kitchenette. The hotel had set up a crib in the second bedroom for A.J.
I had to feed him before putting him down, so I warmed a small jar of pureed carrots in the microwave.
“Let me do that,” Jake said curtly, grabbing the carrots. “Go take a shower.”
He seemed tense.
“Okay.”
As the water beat down on me, I kept thinking about how his mood seemed to have dampened compared to earlier in the day and how the word “girlfriend” had rolled off of his tongue with disdain down in the lobby. I hoped that tonight I could undo some of the damage my actions had caused these past couple of months.
When I exited the bathroom, the steam poured into the bedroom as I held the small towel tightly over my chest, barely able to wrap it around me. My br**sts were full, needing to be emptied since A.J. was overdue for his nighttime feeding.
Jake had finished giving him the carrots and had laid a now sleeping A.J. back down in the car seat carrier, so I’d have to wake him up at some point to nurse before putting him in the crib.
Jake sat on the edge of the bed watching me as I struggled to hold the small white hotel towel closed while I walked over to the overnight bag to grab my pajamas. I could feel him following my every move. I started making my way over to the bathroom to change. As I was entering the doorway, he came up from behind and put his hand on my arm, stopping me.
His voice was gruff. “Where are you going?”
I leaned my back against the sink. “I was going to change in here.”
“Away from me? Why don’t you want me looking at you anymore? You never used to hide from me like that.”
I swallowed nervously, not knowing how to answer. I wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt him. “I…guess it’s just a habit.”
That wasn’t an answer, and I knew it. There was no good excuse. I had just become used to hiding myself from him lately because I was still self-conscious about my body. He thought it was more that that. I looked into his eyes and saw that the fear I had instilled in him was very much alive and well. One day of my acting normal, telling him things were getting better—even if I meant it—could not suddenly undo weeks of denying him, shutting him away, not even letting him touch me. For the first time, I really saw how deeply I had f**ked him up…fucked us up.
“It wasn’t a conscious thing, Jake. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He lowered his head onto my br**sts and let out a long deep breath through the towel over my skin, holding me against the sink. “Well, I didn’t mean to let it show…how badly you hurt me. I’m sorry. It’s just that you hid yourself from me just now and I thought…that meant…it was back again.”
“You have every right to be angry.”
He didn’t respond.
He wouldn’t look at me. His head was still buried in my chest. His breathing was rapid and my legs began to quiver because I wanted him badly. “I want you,” I said. “If you’re mad…take it out on me…make love to me.”
He spoke against my skin. “I don’t know if you can handle me…the way I’m feeling right now.”
I tore the towel from in between us, throwing it on the ground. That triggered a visceral reaction in him, and he began to suck on my neck hard as he pulled my hair back roughly. My full br**sts tingled, a reminder that I needed to wake A.J., but I couldn’t move from this spot. My ni**les hardened, and when milk began to trickle out, Jake sucked the excess out of each breast. It was the first time he had ever done that. The sensation of his hot mouth sucking the milk out of me while he moaned, drove me mad. I almost came and could feel liquid pooling between my legs. I couldn’t ever remember being that turned on by anything in my life and felt like I couldn’t see straight.
His mouth then moved down to my abdomen as he dropped to his knees. He knew I was most self-conscious about my stomach. When he felt me tense up, he kissed it harder, grazing it with his teeth, unwavering in his determination to stake his claim on that part of my body, despite my insecurities.
He looked up at me with both palms on my belly, then gently brushed his finger lower over my c-section scar. “Don’t ever hide this from me again. This is where my baby was, where my other babies will come from. It’s precious to me, and it’s beautiful.” He kissed it one last time softly. “You’re beautiful.”
For the first time, I believed him when he said it.
He stood up, towering over me. His hair was disheveled, and a stray piece fell over his darkened green eyes. His erection was straining through his beige cargo shorts, and he was looking at me like he was about to attack. He then took my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked it hard, slowly releasing it. I was growing impatient with need and tugged at his black Nine Inch Nails t-shirt trying to pull it over his head. I jumped when he abruptly moved my hands off of him.
Then, he walked away.
“Go feed your son. I’m going to take a shower.”
CHAPTER 32
JAKE
I turned the lever to make the water colder. I needed to calm the f**k down. I didn’t know what came over me out there, but it wasn’t good. Even though she was encouraging it, if I had taken another step forward, it would have been like a tornado touching down. I felt incapable of being gentle and knew the end result of the possessive urges flowing through me would have scared the shit out of her.
I had snapped tonight, and it was about more than just her shielding her body from me. It was the fact that from the beginning, I never felt like I deserved her. Aside from the past couple of months, she had always wiped away that doubt with her love and her strong physical need for me. When the postpartum stuff happened, almost out of the blue, she started to push me away, and all of my insecurities moved to the forefront, growing like a cancer I couldn’t stop.
Every single day of those two months, I felt like I was losing her more. We were supposed to be happy because we finally had everything we wanted, right? The baby was healthy. The divorce was final. But that was when everything started to crumble. I wanted the old Nina back, and these past few days were the first in weeks that I started to believe she was slowly returning to me.