“Hey!” Daniel shouts. “I don’t need to hear about your nuts or what your wife does with them.”
I mumble in Pete’s ear, “Dude, I totally want to hear about it. Later, though, when the prude has gone home.” I nod toward Daniel.
I look over and Daniel is completely dressed. He’s wearing green elf shorts, tights with one leg thin and wiry because of his prosthesis, a billowy white shirt, and he has a green felt hat with small red jingle bells on his head.
“I can’t believe you douchebags talked me into this,” he grumbles as he walks past us all and goes out into the living room. The girls all whistle and he takes a dramatic bow.
The rest of us finish getting dressed and go out to sit in the living room to wait for Josh and Paul. I just hope Josh is in a good mood when he gets here. And that he was willing to take Paul up on the offer.
He might have too much pride. We’ll have to wait and see.
“Oh, my God, you guys look amazing!” Friday squeals as she struts by. She’s wearing her vintage style, but she’s dressed in red and green for Christmas, because there will be cameras there tonight. That’s just a byproduct of our reality show. We’d do this event with or without them, but the people who watch our show get a kick out of good deeds, and so do we.
The door opens and Paul and Josh come back inside. Josh rolls to a stop. “I am not wearing one of those,” he says.
“Oh, yes you are,” Friday says. She glares at him.
“Seriously?” Josh’s eyes go wide.
“Totally,” Friday says, putting her hands on her hips. “Yours are in the bedroom.”
“We had better go and get changed,” Paul says. Josh turns to follow him into the bedroom.
“Wait,” Friday says. “Did I make a mistake? Will it be too difficult for you?” Her face flushes, because she just realized that tights might be hard for him.
“If I say yes, do I get out of wearing them?” Josh grins, looking back at her.
Friday throws a pillow at his head and he laughs. He goes into the bedroom with Paul and they both come out a few minutes later. It wasn’t too hard for him. He’s dressed just like Paul, and they both look as ridiculous as the rest of us.
A knock sounds on the door and we open it to find Peck’s four sisters. They’re babysitting while we go to this event. Well, everyone except Gracie, because she doesn’t like anyone but Matt. Matt’s going to wear her in a pouch on his front.
The Zeroes stop in the doorway and look from one man to another. “Oh, my God,” one of them says. “It’s like a Twilight Zone episode, where all the elves came to life but they were disproportional and awkward.”
Pete looks at me. “Did she just call us awkward?”
“I think so. And disproportional.” I’m still trying to decide what that means.
“I think they’re hot,” Peck says as she puts her arm around me. I lean over and kiss her forehead.
“Next year, they’ll be watching our baby, too,” I tell Peck, laying my hand on the roundness of her belly. She smiles at me and lays her head on my shoulder.
“We had better go or we’re going to be late.” Paul rushes everyone out the door. We have trucks outside the homeless shelter filled with toys for boys and girls, and we have surprises for the adults, too. Lots of them.
I rub my hands together. I can’t wait to do this.
Logan
I kiss my daughter on the head and follow Em out of the apartment. She trusts the Zeroes to watch Kit, so I do too. Besides, I don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen tonight.
I still can’t believe Friday talked me into wearing a fucking elf costume. With tights. I tug on the leg of my tights, trying to give my balls some room. Sam wasn’t kidding. These things are seriously tight.
Emily arches a brow at me. “Something wrong?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
She grins and pulls out her phone. “You guys look amazing.” She snaps my picture.
I hold her hand as we walk down the street. It’s odd being able to walk beside her without having to keep my hands free for talking. We still sign, but not all the time. Now I can hold her hand like we’re any other couple, and not miss anything.
Em holds my hand in one of hers, and her guitar case in the other, and I can’t help but think back to the day that changed my life. The day when I tossed her over my shoulder and took her home with me. Her Betty Boop panties were flashing and I didn’t care. She hung there over my shoulder, and I wanted so badly to keep her safe, but what I didn’t realize was what she would give to me.
She accepted me exactly as I was. She communicated with me, and she did everything in her power to let me know she loved, wanted, and respected me. And all she asked from me was exactly that. She wanted the same in return, and loving her was unavoidable.
She squeezes my hand. “You okay?” she asks.
I nod and smile at her. “Fine.”
We’re on the way to a homeless shelter. It’s the same shelter that was full the night I took her home with me for the first time. I remember seeing her standing there on the sidewalk. She threw her head back and she had looked so defeated…but it didn’t last more than a moment. She’d squared her shoulders and powered on. Right into my heart.
Outside the shelter, a line has formed. Children stand around, giddy, waiting to see Santa Claus. And then there are the ones who don’t believe in Santa, because he’s never actually been to see them. Those are the ones I want to help most. Those are the ones who have shouldered burdens too early in life. Those are the ones who deserve to just be kids.