“It’s a very nice game.” Molly set the hand towel on the coffee table. “But I still think you boys should get out of the house. What if I drop you off at the mall for a couple hours? The weather’s getting warm. I’m sure you need some new shorts.”
Josiah pushed to his feet, his pulse going haywire. He definitely wanted to get out of the house with Mateo. Wanted to be alone with him. To hear him call him Jay and maybe they could even find a place to sneak away to without eyes on them.
“Nah, that’s okay,” Mateo replied. And there went Josiah’s pulse, slowing back down again.
“You don’t want to go?” Josiah asked. Mateo looked up at him.
“We can go. That’s cool. Just don’t need any more clothes.” He stood up and walked over to turn off the game.
He should have known that’s why Mateo wouldn’t want to go. He didn’t like to take anything extra from Molly and William. It wasn’t that Josiah particularly liked it, either, but he was more used to it.
“I’ll be right back. Gonna go grab my shoes from the room.”
As soon as Mateo left the room, Josiah looked at Molly. “I’ll talk to him.”
She reached out and touched his hand, where his arms were crossed over his chest. “You’re a good friend to him, Josiah. I’m glad you guys are so close.”
He’s more than a friend... I love him. As much as those words were true, he couldn’t say them. Not just because of their living situation. What if they made one of them leave?
It made it hard to breathe when he thought about telling Mateo, though. He was always careful...so careful not to do anything that could push Mateo away. Not to freak him out or make him think Josiah was getting clingy.
“Thanks,” he told Molly as she handed him some money. “He’s...” But then it didn’t feel right to talk about Mateo to anyone, so he ended it there.
Once Mateo came back into the room, they left. It wasn’t a long drive to the mall. Molly dropped them off, telling them what time she would pick them up again.
They went to the game store and looked around. Mateo always talked so much more when there weren’t other people around them. He showed Josiah all the games he liked and then they had lunch.
After they ate they were walking through the mall. People were all around them, taking advantage of spring break by shopping. There was laughter and talking, coming from every direction. Josiah soaked it all in, watching everyone around them.
From beside him, Mateo nudged him with his arm. “You’re being quiet, Jay. Just say whatever you wanna say.”
He nudged back but really just to stall. “How do you know I have something I want to talk about?”
Mateo shrugged. Someone brushed past them, making Mateo lean closer to Josiah. A wishful thought surged through him. He wished he could reach out and grab Mateo’s hand. Or that Mateo would grab his. He knew that would never happen, though.
“I don’t know, man. I can just tell. You’re actin’ nervous, and you don’t usually act nervous around me anymore.”
This crazy urge to hug Mateo washed over him. Right there in the middle of the mall. His arm tingled but Josiah held back. “That’s because...” He looked away.
“Don’t. Don’t do that no more. You can look at me when you talk to me now.”
He was right. Josiah raised his eyes and let them lock on Mateo’s. “You should let Molly and William buy you new clothes. I know you don’t like to but they like doing it. It’s important to them.”
Mateo huffed and rolled his eyes. “Why would somethin’ like that be important to them?”
“Because they care about us.”
This time he shook his head. “They care about you, maybe, but not me.”
Josiah grabbed Mateo’s arm and pulled. He backed up until they got out of the way of all the people. “They care about you. How can someone not care about you?” His eyes widened as the words slipped out of his mouth, but to his surprise, Mateo’s did the same. Not in an uncomfortable way or like he thought Josiah was childish, but as though Mateo had some of those empty rooms inside him, too. And maybe Josiah’s words had somehow filled some of them.
Mateo lifted his arm, letting some of Josiah’s hair slide between his fingers. “No one’s ever said the kinda shit to me that you do. Not shit. I didn’t mean it like that—”
“I know,” Josiah interrupted him. “I like how you talk.”
Someone bumped into Mateo from behind. He jerked back, and Josiah did, too. Holy crap, they needed to be careful. Getting close like that in the middle of the mall was stupid.