Josiah’s eyes took him in, the wild mix of dark and light green that he missed so much.
His skin sizzled beneath Josiah’s stare. He felt a pull from inside him, like someone stuck magnets all through him and each and every one of them fought to be nearer to Josiah. To feel him, and touch him, after a fucking lifetime.
But it was obvious Josiah wasn’t going to move. Bracing himself in case the suit came at him, Mateo reached out his hand. “We’ll deal with the rest later. Just...com ’ere, Jay.”
Mateo fought the automatic urge to ball his fists, ignored the pain that slammed into his chest when Josiah turned to look at the motherfucker in the suit. Who in the hell walked by the water in a fucking suit, anyway?
The guy didn’t move an inch. Didn’t change his expression, yet they must have been speaking in a silent language that only they knew, because Josiah’s head turned back to him and he stepped into Mateo’s arms.
Teo squeezed him so fucking tight, he thought he would break him, but then the man in his arms was a whole hell of a lot different than the one he held all those years ago. He was bigger, more muscular, solid. There was a hint of cologne on his skin that Teo wanted gone. He wanted nothing more than the scent of Josiah.
Josiah was trembling as he fisted Mateo’s shirt and buried his face in Teo’s neck. “You’re here. I can’t believe you’re here.”
And he probably shouldn’t be but he was, and now that he had Jay in his arms again, he didn’t know how he’d let him go. “I’m right here.”
Josiah pulled back, but didn’t go far, only leaving a few inches of space between them. “I’m right here, Jay,” he said again as he ran a hand through Josiah’s hair. “It’s darker now. Jesus, I fucking missed touchin’ your hair.”
Mateo felt Josiah’s body stiffen. Felt the air around them change, a blast of cold freezing him out.
His head snapped to the right when Josiah’s fist slammed into it. The bitter taste of blood met his tongue when Teo ran it over his lip. If anyone else would have hit him, nothing would have held him back from retaliating—from being the one to end what someone else started. But fuck, he couldn’t help the feeling of respect that burned through him along with the sting to his lip. Josiah wasn’t going to lie down and let Teo slip easily back into his life. It was the right decision, and Mateo was proud as hell of him for it.
“Good for you. Don’t take anyone’s shit, Jay. Even mine.” He wiped the blood from his mouth with a thumb.
“Don’t.” Josiah shook his head. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to walk out of my life and then show up after nine years with no explanation. You don’t get to just touch me and tell me you miss me. You left, Teo. You!”
And as much as he’d wanted to come back, that hadn’t been what this was about. Okay, that was a lie. At first it had been, but not when he saw Josiah had a good life. That he had someone in it. He’d known then he didn’t belong.
Mateo’s eyes darted to the suit when he stepped close to Josiah. “I know.” He wouldn’t give Josiah bullshit excuses. He wanted to protect Josiah, always had, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know he’d fucked up in too many ways to count.
“Wasn’t going to see you.” Mateo shook his head. “You think I want this? Want to fucking hurt you again?”
“And you think that makes it okay? That you didn’t want to hurt me? Or that you didn’t want to see me?” He yelled before dropping his eyes to the ground. “That makes it worse.”
“That’s bullshit. I didn’t say I didn’t want to see you. I said I wasn’t going to. You know me better than that.” Anger at himself, pain because of Josiah, and need, so much fucking need, created a tornado of emotions inside him. What had he been thinking coming back here? Why did I have to walk away in the first place?
But Jesus, after all the shit he’d done, and looking at Josiah now, knowing he just got a degree today, and seeing the man beside him; even if Mateo had deserved him back then, he definitely didn’t now. He’d always known he was different than Josiah, but he’d never felt the wall separating them that did now. He didn’t fit in this life with the man he loved anymore.
“I don’t know you anymore. I used to think I did.” Josiah’s expressive eyes stared at him unflinchingly. “I used to think I was the luckiest man in the world because I got to know you, but did I? I don’t know if I ever really knew you, Teo.”