“Because this is where we talk endlessly about the same thing over and over again?”
“It helps. I understand that logically it shouldn’t. That repeating the same information without new input doesn’t resolve any issues, but I find the process comforting.” She shrugged. “It’s a girl thing. Something you’re going to have to get used to if you want to make your relationship with Patience a success.” She paused. “You do want that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” he said slowly. He pushed away his breakfast. “I want to, but I don’t know if I can.”
There were obstacles. Dangers. Some he couldn’t explain. He ached for her, and not simply in his bed. But could he risk being with her?
“Like you said, they’re so damned normal here,” he muttered.
“You’re normal, too.”
He glanced at her and raised his eyebrows.
“You are,” she insisted.
“All evidence to the contrary?”
“You’re not what you do for a living. I understand the male psyche likes to define itself through tasks, but you have to believe you are more than what you’ve accomplished.”
“I’m not talking about accomplishments. I’m talking about killing people, Felicia. I’m talking about being a danger to everyone around me.”
“You’re not Bart.”
She knew about his father—knew what he’d been through and what his father had done to him.
“You’ve left that behind you,” she added.
“I left the job, but I can’t change what’s inside.” That’s what he feared the most. The darkness. “Every now and then I get the feeling he’s still here.”
“He’s dead.”
“So they tell me.”
“Do you think they’re wrong? They identified him through dental records, Justice.”
“I’d be happier if it had been through DNA. There’s still a margin of error.” He looked at her. “I mean it, Felicia. I don’t think he’s here on a spiritual plain. Sometimes I swear he’s really here. Nearby. Watching. Right before I passed out in front of Brew-haha I saw him.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
That was the hell of it, he thought. “No. I’m not sure.”
“Has it occurred to you that you’re sensing your father more lately because you’re ready to make changes in your life? You’re used to being the warrior and now you’re going to be a...” She paused as if searching for the word, then grinned triumphantly. “A regular Joe. That’s what you want and it makes you uncomfortable at the same time.” Her smile faded. “You’re the one who always told me that the only way to get over being afraid was to walk up to the fear and kick it in the balls.”
He managed a chuckle. “Yes, and usually you want to know why I think fear has a gender.”
“Justice, you have to believe in yourself. You have so much to offer.”
He knew she was right. The problem was, not all that he offered was good. If he couldn’t figure out a way to walk away from his past, he was a danger to everyone around him. He wouldn’t hurt Patience or her family for anything and if he thought he might, if there was the slightest chance he could, then walking away from her was the only option.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
PATIENCE WIPED DOWN the counter. It was ten-thirty and only a few people were in the store. Day five in the life of Brew-haha and all was going well.
There was a steady stream of customers from the moment she opened until around nine. Then things slowed until closer to lunch. There was another late-afternoon rush followed by a post-dinner surge. So far they’d had to toss people out at closing.
Just as exciting, the merchandise was selling well. Brew-haha mugs and aprons were moving briskly. She’d reordered both yesterday, and if sales kept up like this, she would have sold her projected numbers for an entire month in the first week.
She knew that some of the sales came from locals, and once they had their inventory, they wouldn’t bother to buy more anytime soon. However, she’d been keeping track and nearly sixty percent of the purchases were from tourists, which was a very happy piece of news. Because tourists were forever.
The front door opened and a tall, thin blonde walked in. Patience studied her for a second before remembering.
“Hi, Noelle,” she said. “Thanks for coming back.”
“I wanted to see how you were doing with your new store. I came by yesterday, but you were really busy.”
Patience held up her right hand with the first two fingers crossed. “So far things are going great. I’m happy.” She motioned to a quiet table by the window. “Do you have a second to stay?”
“I’d like that.”
Patience walked behind the counter. “What can I get you?”
“A latte, please.”
A few minutes later Patience carried over two lattes and a plate of cookies. The other woman was thin enough that she wasn’t sure Noelle ate things like sugar or chocolate, but her mother had raised her to always offer a snack with a beverage.
“Thanks,” Noelle said, taking the mug. “I love what you’ve done with the store. It’s inviting without being fussy.” She smiled. “I’m much more a fussy type of person.”
Patience smiled. “Sounds like you’d have a lot in common with my daughter. She has every stuffed animal she’s ever owned.” Most of them were currently curled up with Justice—a place Patience wouldn’t mind being herself, she thought with a sigh.
“I can respect her commitment to the child–stuffed animal relationship,” Noelle said, her blue eyes bright with amusement. She took a sip of her latte. “It’s perfect.”
“Thank you. The machine makes it easy. It was a huge part of our start-up costs, but worth it. You mentioned you were thinking of opening a store yourself. Is that still going to happen?”
Noelle nodded. “I’ve signed a lease. I’m hoping to get my place open by mid-August.” She took a breath. “It’s a Christmas store. The Christmas Attic.”
“I love it,” Patience said. “It’s perfect for this town. You’ll bring in some tourists all year round and then go crazy at the holidays.”
“I hope so. That’s why I want to open plenty early. So I can get myself together in time for the holiday rush.” She took another sip of her drink. “There’s a lot to do to get started.”
Patience leaned toward her. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I thought I was drowning and I barely have any inventory compared to what you’ll be doing.”
“I’ve been having lots of fun figuring out what I want to carry. There are several national and international gift shows. I’ve gone to a couple and was seriously overwhelmed. Now I’m talking to distributors and looking for artists. I want to have more unique items, if possible.”“Sounds ambitious.”
“It is. I hope I’m up to it.”
Patience hesitated, not wanting to pry. “Do you come from a retail background?”
“Not at all.” Noelle hesitated. “I’m a lawyer, or I was. I grew up in Florida and moved to Los Angeles.”
Lawyer to retail? Patience would bet there was a story that went with that decision. “You have both coasts covered.”
“The southern part of them.”
“How did you end up here?”
“I put a pin in a map. When I opened my eyes, it was stuck in Fool’s Gold, so here I am.” She sipped again. “I was ready to make a change.”
Which didn’t give Patience much information and left her with a lot of questions. But Noelle didn’t seem to want to share her entire life story. People from other places expected privacy. It took them a while to figure out that in a small town, there weren’t many secrets.
“I’m glad you found us,” she said instead. “And I can’t wait for the store to open.”
“My grandmother helped raise me and I remember she always talked about what it was like when she was little. She grew up in New England. Their house had an attic. She made it sound like a wonderful place, filled with old treasures. I want to re-create that. Sort of. You know, in an upscale, appealingly retail kind of way.”
“Of course.”
She studied Noelle. The other woman was pretty, if a little too pale. More ethereal, she thought, then glanced at Noelle’s left hand. There wasn’t a ring and she couldn’t tell if she saw a slight indentation where one had been or was imagining it.
“Did you bring any family with you?” she asked.
“No. There’s just me. I packed up my place in L.A. and moved it all here. I’m renting here until I get the store up and running. I was a little nervous about being in a new town, but everyone has been very friendly.”
“It’s a Fool’s Gold thing. We’re welcoming.” Patience picked up her latte. “You know, there are a few new businesses in town. You and me. My friend Isabel is running her family’s wedding-gown store. It’s called Paper Moon. It’s not a permanent move for her, but she’s been thrown into the retail world, as well. We should start a support group. I’ll talk to Mayor Marsha about it.”
“Really? That would be great. I keep reading statistics about how many new businesses fail. I don’t want to be one of them.”
“Me, either,” Patience said. “I’m terrified I’m going to really screw things up.”
“I don’t think you have to worry. I’m hearing wonderful things about your store. But if you get nervous, let me know if I can help.”
“I will,” Patience told her. “Thank you.”
Noelle laughed. “I’m not being all that nice. I might need you to return the favor later this year.”
“I’m happy to do it.”
Noelle looked around. “I think I was very lucky when I picked Fool’s Gold. This town is exactly what I was looking for.”
“I’m glad, too,” Patience said, even as she wondered what Noelle wasn’t saying. There were mysteries in the other woman’s past. An interesting story. No doubt she would find out what it was with time.
* * *
“ALL THE kids are talking about summer vacation,” Lillie said. “I’m excited, too, but I like school.”
Justice sat on the sofa in the McGraw living room. Ava was running an errand and Patience was still at work. Today was his first day out of bed and downstairs. He was weak, but healing.
“It’s good that you like school,” Justice told the girl.
“That’s what my mom says. Some of my friends don’t like school at all. They say the tests are too hard, but I think they don’t study.” She bit her lower lip. “You won’t tell them I said that, will you?”
“Of course not.”
“Good.” She smiled. “I’m going out to dinner tonight.”
“I heard. With Ava and Steve.”
“We’re going up to the resort on the mountain. To the fancy restaurant. I have a special dress and Mom’s going to do my hair.”
“I want to see you before you go.”
“You will,” she promised.
She chatted on about a book she was reading and her upcoming summer camp. With Lillie there was always an activity planned or a place to go. She was a happy, busy kid with lots of friends running in and out of the house.
The three of them had made a good life for themselves, he thought. Found a rhythm that worked for them. But he suspected there had been tough years. Times when money had been tight and they’d had a lot of burdens.
As Lillie talked about a new movie she wanted to see, he wondered how his life would have been different if he’d had an ordinary job with regular hours and no flying bullets. If he’d been able to settle down.
He watched Lillie as she talked, her brown eyes filled with enthusiasm and intelligence. She was generous and kind, funny. So little of life’s tragedies had touched her, and he didn’t want that to change. He feared that while he might be able to imitate regular life, he couldn’t actually live it. That there would always be something off inside him.
If that was the case, he couldn’t risk inflicting himself on someone. But even as the thought occurred, he wondered if he was taking on too much. If, in fact, he was so used to lurking in the shadows, he’d grown fearful of sunlight. Logic told him the ghosts had long been laid to rest. Now it was up to him to make sense of his life.
Lillie turned to him. “Justice, I have a question.”
“Sure. What is it?”
She regarded him thoughtfully. “Why did my dad go away?”
He reached for her small hand and took it in his. “I don’t know,” he told her honestly. “Because he was scared of the responsibility, I guess. His leaving wasn’t about you. You were a baby at the time. You had nothing to do with what was going on.”
“But if I hadn’t been born, he might have stayed.”
Justice felt a pain far worse than the bullet wound. “No, he wouldn’t have stayed. He was always going to leave. It’s just who he was.” He slowly shifted until he was facing her. “You have more than one friend, right?”
She nodded, her expression solemn.
“If something happens, like a dog gets loose in the school yard, you know which friend is going to think it’s funny and which one is going to worry about the dog and which one will just ignore everything.”