“Unless that’s what you’re hoping for,” Lacey said and I could tell what she was thinking because Lacey always knew what I was thinking.
“That’s not what I’m hoping for,” I protested as I looked at the fluffy white towel I’d taken out of Scott’s linen closet. I debated getting out of the bath right then or allowing myself to soak in the bubbles and Epsom salts for a few more minutes.
“Sure, it’s not.” Lacey laughed. “You can fool Scott and you can even try to fool yourself, but you can’t fool me.”
“I’m not trying to fool anyone. I don’t want to have sex with Scott Taylor again. He’s a liar and he used me for a one-night stand.” I repeated the words that had been running through my head all week. I had to keep reminding myself why I didn’t want to get any more involved with him.
“Maybe you’re being too hard on him, Eliza,” Lacey said softly. “You haven’t even given him a chance to explain.”
“He lied,” I said, though a part of me wondered if she wasn’t right. Maybe I should give him a chance to explain. “You know how I feel about men that lie.”
“He’s not your dad,” Lacey said. “Don’t judge him based on what your dad did.”
“I know,” I said, my heart lurching. “I just don’t like it when guys lie.”
“I know you don’t,” she said, her voice compassionate. “But one lie doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. It doesn’t mean he’s going to let you down. It doesn’t mean that he’s going to hurt you.”
“But it could,” I said. “It could mean that.” My throat caught as I thought about Scott. “I wish I was stronger, Lacey. I wish I could give him a chance, but after my dad and Shane, well, I just can’t go through that again.”
“I know.”
“It was too painful.” My voice was raw as I mentioned my dad and my ex-boyfriend. All of a sudden I felt cold in the bath, even though the water was still warm. I felt empty inside as I sat there thinking about old hurts and heartaches. I felt empty and lost. What was I doing here sitting in Scott’s bathtub? Hadn’t I learned from my past mistakes? Why was I putting myself in this position to be hurt and rejected again? Just because of some good sex?
“I know,” she said again and she did. She was the only one that really knew. She was the only one that had seen me cry: big, gut-wrenching, heartbreaking tears. She was the one that had seen me breaking down, the only one that had ever seen me break down. It had been right when I’d found out my boyfriend Shane was cheating on me. That alone hadn’t caused me to break down. It had been the knowledge that my father, the one that had walked away from my mother and I when I was only two, had walked his stepdaughter down the aisle. He didn’t even know that I knew. He didn’t know that I stalked him and his family to see what he was doing. I didn’t even know why I cared. He wasn’t in my life. Not even a little bit. I’d tried to see him when I was younger, but he’d always had an excuse at the last moment. He’d always had a reason why he couldn’t come get me, and then we’d just stopped making plans and he’d faded out if my life. But when I’d gotten older I’d looked for him. I’d been oddly unaffected when I’d realized he’d remarried and had stepkids. It didn’t seem real. The pain never really surfaced. And then I’d seen a photo of him giving his stepdaughter away at her wedding, the day after I’d found out Shane was cheating on me and I’d just lost it. My heart had broken into a million pieces. I’d completely lost it and I’d hit the walls in pain and anger, and that was when Lacey had walked in. She hadn’t said a thing. Instead she’d put her arms around me and held me close to her. She’d let me cry until I couldn’t cry anymore. She’d told me I was worthy of love and that she’d always love me. She’d told me I was her sister and best friend. She’d told me that it was my father’s loss and I’d held onto those words, clutching them tightly to my soul when I felt down. I’d gotten over that moment, but the pain still existed in my heart. I always wondered why I hadn’t been loved. Why my father had walked away so easily. Why he’d lied so many times when he’d said he was going to come pick me up. I wondered why Shane had cheated on me. Why he’d fallen for someone else. And now, anytime someone got too close and I thought they had potential to hurt me, I backed away. It was an unconscious reaction, but I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to not overreact in these situations. I didn’t know how to preserve my heart and still give someone a chance.
“You think I’m being too hard on Scott, don’t you?” I stared at the bubbles in front of me as they ebbed back and forth.
“You’re just doing the job you’ve been paid to do. I don’t know that Scott deserves it, but it’s not you that hired yourself,” she said, but I knew what she was thinking.
“I know all guys aren’t the same, Lacey. But he hasn’t given me any reason to trust him.” Though he had apologized and given me flowers. That should count for something, right? And it wasn’t even that big a lie. Wasn’t I technically the biggest liar in this situation?
“Maybe he had a good reason for his lie,” she said. “I mean, what exactly do we know about this Helen person that hired you?”
“We know she’s his ex, or something like that.” I sighed. “I’m so confused.”