I held her close to me and closed my eyes as I thought about Patsy’s phone call. She’d urged me to come back to the club. There was a girl asking too many questions, she’d said. And there were other people there who were up to no good. I took a deep breath as I realized that I had to tell Katie the truth. If I was to make sure Meg was okay, Katie was going to have to learn everything. I held her tighter to me as I realized that this might be one of the last times that Katie and I were ever in this loving position.
Chapter 2
Brandon
I woke up the next morning at about three a.m. in a cold sweat. I’d had nightmares about the day that had changed my life. The day I never seemed to forget, no matter how hard I tried. No one knows what grief and regret feels like until they have someone kill themselves because of them. Rationally, I knew that Maria had died because she was depressed and had other issues. But still, I also knew that she had thought she was in love with me and I had broken her heart. Now that I knew what love was, I could understand how she’d felt. I didn’t know what I would do if Katie left me again. That was why I was having a hard time working up the courage to tell her about the club. Though the club was the least of my worries. I was scared to tell her the truth about everything. Once she knew all my secrets, I was positive she would leave me. She would leave me and I would be left with nothing.
I knew I had two options. I could come out with the truth and lose my best friend and the love of my life forever or I could keep my mouth shut and hope that my lies weren't about to be exposed for all the world to see. I didn't know which one I was going to do. I knew that I should come out with the truth, but there was just so much truth to come out. I knew that my secrets were powerful and devastating. My secrets would break hearts. And they would ruin lives. Greyson would be affected if I told the truth as well. There was another option of course, but that was the unthinkable. That option would make me a monster. Though I suppose some people would already call me that. I was the monster who had grown a heart, but perhaps that wasn't going to be enough.
I’d called Greyson several times to get him to fire Meg, but he was having none of it. It had felt weird speaking to him after all these years. I had nothing to do with the club anymore aside from the money I donated every year and my accountant was in charge of that. I could almost forget my involvement with the club some days. Some days, I almost felt like a regular human being. But now everything was crashing back down on me and I had no idea what I was going to do. The only thought that seemed to have any credibility was to get Meg out of there myself. If I could just go there and get her to leave with me before anything went down… If Meg would just leave, there was a chance that I could still pretend that everything was okay. Though I knew in my heart that I would never be able to pretend everything was okay again.
I was mad at myself and I was mad at Greyson. I didn’t understand why Greyson had kept her there. She didn’t fit the profile of girls he now helped. She wasn’t a druggie, she wasn’t uneducated, and she wasn’t about to prostitute herself out. The only reason I could come up with was that he was attracted to her. I had to admit that she was a beautiful girl, with her silky blond hair and big blue eyes. She had an incredible body as well, though I would never tell Katie that.
I lay very still as I realized that Meg was in trouble of getting her heart broken by Greyson. He didn’t do anything for love. It was all about sex to him. And I knew from what Katie had told me that Meg was not that kind of girl. And then there was Patsy’s call. She had said Meg was in danger, but I didn’t know what she meant. Why would she be in danger? Unless my worries about Patsy were correct. Greyson had never wanted to see that she was a snake and I’d never wanted to tell him how or why I knew she was.
“You okay, Brandon?” Katie yawned and slowly opened her eyes.
“I’m fine.” I nodded and kissed her forehead. “Go back to sleep.”
“You seem tense.”
“I think I had caffeine last night. I can’t sleep.” I rubbed her shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”
“Harry asked me if he can go to Coney Island tomorrow.” She smiled sweetly at me. “I swear he wants me to make up for all seven years in two weeks.”
“You should take him.” I nodded, an idea coming to me. “You guys will have fun.”
“I guess it could be a fun family trip. Can you get out of work tomorrow?”
“No.” I grimaced. “I have an important meeting tomorrow. I can’t make it.”
“Oh no.” She frowned and rubbed my chest. “Who’s it with?”
“Oh just the owner of a nonprofit I invest in.” I smiled. “Nothing too important.”
“Can’t you cancel?”
“No, I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “I think it’s an important meeting.”
“Oh, okay.” She looked up and stared in my eyes. “You’d tell me if there was something wrong, right?”
“Of course, silly.”
“Okay.” She sighed. “Even if it’s about Maria?” She shuddered.
“Maria.” I stared at her, all color draining from my face. “What do you mean?”
“Huh?” She frowned and rubbed her eyes. “What do you mean, what do I mean? I’m sure she’s pissed at us after everything that went down.”
“Oh, that Maria.” I felt my breathing resume.
“Yes, crazy Maria. You thought I was talking about your college fiancée?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. I’m feeling tired now.” I looked away from her and closed my eyes. “Let’s try and sleep.”
“Okay.”
I could tell she wanted to ask me some more questions, so I rolled onto my side and put my back towards her. I felt that she could just look into my eyes and see that I was lying. I wasn’t even sure why I had told her that Maria was my college fiancée. Actually, that was a lie. I could remember the exact moment.
We’d been sitting there and I had wanted her to think I was normal. I’d wanted her to think I’d had a normal childhood and a normal love life. I didn’t want her to know that she was my first girlfriend since high school. I didn’t want her to know that my best friend and I had slept our way through college and the subsequent years.
I was ashamed that I’d slept with so many women that I didn’t even know the number. Not when I’d known she was so innocent and pure. I didn’t tell her because I’d known I wasn’t good enough for her. So I’d lied. And it had killed me to have used Maria in that way. It was an unforgivable lie. More unforgivable than Katie lying about her age. There were so many regrets I had about Maria. Greyson and I had lied for so long about her, even creating a new age for her, so that when we talked about her, if we had to talk about her, nothing would ever come out.
I lay there pretending to sleep and all I could think about was Katie’s face when I’d told her I’d been engaged in college. The jealousy in her eyes had made me feel alive. I was ashamed as I thought about the pleasure that had given me. It had been so different to meet a girl like her. Someone who loved easily and wasn’t ashamed to show it. Katie had made me remember the boy I had been in high school. The boy who believed in the sanctity of marriage, in the beauty of love. The boy who had been crushed when he realized that women couldn’t be trusted. It hadn’t helped that Greyson was my best friend. If there were ever someone who was f**ked up when it came to love, it would be Greyson. I thought about my ex-best friend and felt sad. We’d said we were going to be brothers for life, but somehow everything had fallen apart. We’d told so many lies, hidden so many secrets from others and each other, that it had been inevitable. Still, I regretted that he was no longer in my life.
***
“I’m sleeping, Brandon,” Katie mumbled as my fingers played with her breasts.
“That’s okay,” I whispered into her ear and pulled her back towards me so that I was spooning her.
“You’re so bad.” I felt her push her ass back into me and I smiled.
“That’s why you love me, right?” I bit down on her earlobe and continued squeezing her br**sts through her thin cami top.
“I love you because even though you are a sex-craved maniac you are still the sweetest man I know.” She yawned and grabbed my hands. “But right now, I want to sleep.”
“You don’t want to sleep.” I kissed her neck and ran my fingers down her stomach to her panties. “You want to scream and cry out.”
“Are you planning on playing a horror movie?”
“Funny.” I slipped my fingers into her panties. “Very funny.”
“Oh, Brandon.” She groaned and squirmed against me. “I’m sleeping.”
“I don’t mind.” I laughed and buried my face into her hair so that I could breathe in her smell and essence.
“You’re a bad boy.” Her fingers grabbed my hand. “Such a bad boy.” She pushed my fingers against her cl*tand moved them back and forth gently. She opened her legs slightly and I grinned.
“That’s why you love me.” I sank my teeth into her neck while my fingers played in her wetness.
“You’re going to wear me out.”
“I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Everything is possible.”
“That’s true.” I closed my eyes and continued to kiss down her shoulder. She was correct of course. Everything was possible. The thought saddened me. In this moment, I felt like nothing could ever break us or come between our love again. I felt like we were made for each other, and this moment was just one of many that cemented us to each other. Unfortunately, that thought didn’t take into account the fact that there were still many things that Katie didn’t know about me. Things I was deeply ashamed of. I’d hurt people I could never expect forgiveness from. Once all of that came to light, this moment would be but a distant memory.
“Are you going to make love to me or not, Brandon?” Katie turned around and smiled at me. “Or did you fall asleep?”
“I was just thinking.” I stared into her eyes, not quite believing that this beautiful woman was here with me. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her. I loved her so much that I felt like my heart was going to break just from being so full.
“I’ll be on top then.” She grinned and sat up.
“What?” I frowned, not sure what she was talking about.
“Weren’t you thinking about what position to make love to me?”
“No, never.” I grinned back at her. “I’ll have you in whatever position you’ll take me.”
“I guess right now I’ll be taking you.” She bent down and kissed my stomach. Her lips trailed down past my belly button and to the top of my boxers. She pulled my boxers down and her lips descended onto my c**k as if they were made to give me pleasure.
“You know how much I love you right?” I whispered down at her, and she looked up at me with sparkling eyes as she continued to suck me. Her fingers reached under and started playing with my balls as she continued to take me deeper into her mouth. “Oh my.” I closed my eyes and grunted as she bobbed up and down and started sucking the tip of my penis.
“Is that all you can say?” She giggled as she moved on top of me. I watched as she moved her panties to the side and guided my c**k inside of her. “Oh shit, oooh,” she moaned as I entered her wetness.
“I guess you weren’t that tired.” I raised an eyebrow at her as she started moving back and forth on top of me.
“Ssh.” She grinned down at me and closed her eyes. I grabbed ahold of her h*ps and guided her up and down on me.
“Don’t stop,” I grunted as her walls tightened on me. “Don’t stop.” I could feel her slick wetness covering my hardness and it felt like heaven.
Being inside Katie made me feel like our two bodies were one. I could feel her body trembling slightly as she moved up and down on me, taking my c**k as deep into her as she could. Our eyes met and she smiled down at me seductively, her eyes half closed.
I couldn’t stop myself and pushed her down onto the bed and onto her back so that I could be on top. I wanted to control the pace. I wanted her to stare at me as I made her come. I wanted her to memorize my face and the pleasure I gave her body. I wanted her to feel like being with me was the greatest and most memorable experience of her life. I needed her to always have me on her mind.
She gasped as I slowly pushed the tip of my c**k into her soaking pussy. “Never forget how much I love you, Katie,” I whispered against her lips as I made slow, sweet love to her. She kissed me passionately and wrapped her legs around my waist while running her nails up and down my back.
“I love you too, Brandon!” she screamed against my mouth as I increased my pace and slammed into her.
I grabbed her hands and stared down into her eyes as I continued my rhythmic pumping. I stilled as I felt her exploding around me and fell down on her slightly as I felt myself coming inside of her. We gazed into each other’s eyes, and I felt like a part of my soul entered her in that moment. I rolled off of her and pulled her into my arms. We just lay there for a few seconds, breathing heavily and allowing our emotions to settle down.
“I never want to let you go,” I mumbled against her hair after a few minutes while I listened to her snore. I held her as tight as I could and closed my eyes, hoping that I could just stay in this moment forever. I knew that everything in my life was going to change tomorrow. I was going to go back to the private club and I had no idea what demons were waiting to greet me.