He’d call soon, though. She felt certain.
On the following Monday night, she called her answering machine herself, just to make sure it was working. He had to be really busy, right? It was getting harder and harder to believe.
She was torn when Friday night came and Tessa invited her to a club. She didn’t want to go out. What if he called while she was gone? So she told Tessa that Luke came down with the flu and she was staying home.
When Tessa gave her that I can see what you’re doing look, Meagan explained that she couldn’t go out because her throat was scratchy and it wouldn’t be very responsible of her to spread germs around all of Manhattan, would it?
Either Tessa couldn’t come up with a counterargument, or she saw the truth and didn’t want to push. She gave Meagan a hug, told her not to wait up, and left.
As soon as she was gone, Meagan raided the freezer and downed an entire pint of chocolate chip cookie dough. Through her tears, she thought back to their time together, trying to figure out what she’d done wrong. She couldn’t think of anything. Everything had been so wonderful. So fulfilling. And she hadn’t done anything stupid like talk about the future.
All she could come up with was that he wanted someone with more experience in the bondage scene. He probably wanted someone who wouldn’t balk at calling him ‘Sir.’ For all she knew, he might have taken it the wrong way when she asked about the daddy fantasy thing. With that remark, maybe she’d disrespected him.
She hadn’t looked any further into the BDSM scene, hoping that he’d be the one to instruct her in everything. If she had truly scared him off, should she research the topic more herself? Was it something she’d want to pursue without him?
She decided to think about it later, when it became obvious he didn’t want her.
Damn it, her heart hurt just thinking about it and she couldn’t help but hold out some sort of hope that she was wrong.
By the time he showed up at her apartment unexpectedly a week later, though, she knew the truth. He didn’t want her. And that was unmistakable when she opened the door at his knock and let him in. His eyes said everything before he even spoke. She was glad Tessa had gone away with her sister for the weekend. Meagan had the feeling she was going to have an ugly cry when Luke left and she’d rather be alone for it.
She let him in without saying a word and neither one of them said anything until she closed the door.
“Meagan—” he started, but she cut him off.
“You know,” she said. Fuck, he looked so guilty. “You could have called. I’m a big girl.”
“I know you are.” He hung his head, as though he didn’t want to look at her. “It’s just that after that week . . .”
She waved her hand, telling herself to act as if those days and nights together were something she did all the time. Pretend she had torrid affairs every night of the week. “Please, it was just sex. You didn’t propose or anything.”
His head shot up in surprise and he studied her with those eyes that had been so inquisitive before. She schooled her features and forced her body to remain neutral. She could do this. She refused to show him how hurt she was.
“Oh,” he finally said.
“You feel the same, right?” she asked. “I mean, I just assumed you did. Especially after I didn’t hear from you.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s complicated.”
She snorted and it sounded so real, she was proud of herself. “Complicated? Come on. We were two horny people who scratched an itch. What’s complicated about it? Nothing.”
He looked bewildered. “It’s complicated because of the work we did together. It wouldn’t do either of us any good to have the reputation of sleeping with people we work with. Well, it might do you some good. Get you more offers, but they probably wouldn’t be the kind you wanted or be from the people you wanted . . .”
He continued rambling and she tuned him out. Basically, she just smiled and nodded. Thank God she beat him to the this isn’t going to work speech. She was so glad he didn’t call sooner. What if he had and she’d blurted out something stupid? Yes, it was much better this way.
“He was the one who helped me see how bad it would be for us to be together.” Luke was still talking. Truthfully, she had no idea what he was saying or who he was even talking about.
Suddenly, she just wanted him out of her apartment. Enough already. What was done was done and it was time for her to accept it and move on.
“Listen,” she said, cutting off whatever it was he was saying. “I hate to cut this short, but I need to get ready.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “You’re going out?”
“Yes, and”—she looked at her watch—“I’m running a bit late now. So, sorry to cut this short, but . . .”
“Right,” he said. “I’ll just be going.”
He turned to head to the door and, at the last second, looked over his shoulder. For the briefest moment, it looked as if he was going to say something further, but when he spoke all he said was, “Good-bye, Meagan.”
She steeled herself. Five more seconds and he’d be out the door. Then she could break down. Four seconds. “Good-bye, Luke.”
Three.
He opened the door.
Two.
He walked out.
One.
The door closed behind him. She dropped to her knees on the floor and let the tears fall.
Chapter Three
Tired and cranky, she woke up the following morning only to see whoever The Taskmaster was hadn’t replied. Fine, she thought, let him be that way. At least there wouldn’t be a naked picture of her sent out. She tried to work a few hours, but thoughts of her and Luke and the camera wouldn’t allow her to concentrate.