“Ryan, how can you stand this?” I interrupted. “You are entitled to a life! You deserve to be happy! Is this career worth it?” I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
He looked out over the water. I could tell that he was torn.
“Yes and no,” he answered. “I like doing what I do. I love being an actor. But the psychotic bullshit that comes with it is something I didn’t see coming. It’s all become very overwhelming.”
“I feel bad for you,” I whispered.
He looked at me, confused.
“It’s not right that you have to pay such a steep price for doing something you love. Especially since what you do is meant to be a gift to the public that torments you. You’re an entertainer; you shouldn’t have to hide, but I know why you have to. I know that they never leave you alone - that you’re constantly hounded.”
“That’s an understatement,” he muttered. “Taryn, I really like being around you, but I’m afraid that…” he paused to take a deep breath.
You’re afraid that it can’t continue. Don’t be a coward, just say it. I knew it was coming eventually.
“You have to realize that being around me comes at a price for you too. I need to know that you understand what you’re getting yourself into being with me.”
Being with you? Well, that wasn’t what I expected.
My thoughts were tangled just looking at him.
“I like being around you too,” I admitted softly. “We both know that I don’t come from your world, but I have a fairly good understanding of how things are for you.
“Ryan, I’ll do what I have to, to be part of that for you if you want me to. I’ll deal with the craziness, because I know that comes along with being with…”
TARYN, you’re slipping!
“Um, I mean, of being your friend,” I corrected myself.
“You would do that for me?” he asked, questioning my loyalty.
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “Yes, I will.”
“And you’d deal with the paparazzi, and the fans, and the invasion of your privacy? Do you even know what you’re saying yes to?” he murmured as he scratched his head.
“You deal with it. Why is it so hard to believe that someone else would do the same for you?”
“It’s a lot to ask of someone,” he muttered, almost appearing guilty. His shoulders were hunched as he rubbed his forehead repeatedly. “A lot.”
“Well, if you want me to be your friend then you have to give me the benefit of the doubt that I can handle it,” I said bluntly.
“The media will dig for dirt on you. Is there anything I need to know before the rest of the world knows?” He eyed me intensely.
“There is nothing that I’ve been through that I’m ashamed of,” I stated directly. “I’ve already told you a lot about me. I’ve never done drugs or been arrested. I’ve never posed nude or made embarrassing sex tapes either.” I chuckled lightly from my admission. “I don’t have any skeletons in my closet.”
My last comment caused him to smile briefly, but our moment of levity didn’t last. He continued on with his rant.
“You’ll have to watch everything you do, everything you say. You’ll be pressed for answers; they’ll hound you for details.” His lips curled up on his teeth from the thoughts.
“They will provoke you with statements and allegations to get you to respond. You’ll be followed and photographed. Can you handle that too?”
His tone was almost argumentative.
“Who are you trying to convince, me or you?” I spoke quietly. “Ryan, if you want me in your life… if you want to be friends, then I’ll deal with it. But it sounds like you’re trying to talk one of us out of it.”
“It’s like inviting someone into your nightmares. It’s not right for me to do that to you,” he muttered ruefully.
“So what? You’re not allowed to have friends or be close to anyone? Or have a good time and live your life? I’m sorry, but I’m not going to allow them to decide that for me or you.” I wrapped my arms around my knees.
“And if you think that I’m going to be scared away because of them – because of the bad stuff that you have to endure, then you have the wrong impression of me.”
As I spoke I suddenly became overwhelmed with mixed emotions. I was going through all this effort to try to be his friend while deep inside I longed for so much more.
“I don’t have that impression of you; that’s another reason why we are here now.” Ryan smiled at me and let out a big sigh.