His mouth fell open. “What? No!” he shouted. “NO! Why are you doing this?”
“Ryan, we both know that you’re leaving soon! Then what? We’re going to try to have a long distance relationship? I’m not that naïve.” I wiped my face.
“The more time I spend with you, the harder it will be when you go. This relationship doesn’t stand a chance and I know you know it! So why pretend that anything good can come from it!
“Let’s just end this now instead of prolonging the inevitable. Then when you leave you’re free to be with whomever you want to be with. No strings, no worries… no regrets.” As hard as I tried to stick to my guns, my tears were pouring uncontrollably down my face. I had to look away.
“It’s already too painful and I’m already too attached to you,” I muttered under my breath.
“Taryn, honey, look at me,” he pleaded. I noticed his voice crack.
I shrugged my shoulders, trying to escape from his hands. “I can’t.” My heart was breaking and I wanted to get away from the source of the pain.
“Please?” he begged.
“No. No,” I said adamantly, my voice trembled uncontrollably. I tasted the salt from my tears as they dripped across my lips. I struggled in his hands, but he still wouldn’t let go.
“No. It’s all right.” I swallowed hard. “You don’t have to say anything. You don’t owe me. Let’s just go back to the party and when it’s over we’ll say our goodbyes.”
My words burned in my throat and my heart crumbled to pieces. I had to let him go.
As much as I love you, you can never be mine.
His hands shook my arms.
“Please, just… let me go,” I whispered between sobs.
“Taryn? No! No! Please baby. Look at me. Look into my eyes. Please!” It almost sounded like he was crying too.
“Look at me!” he shouted.
The moment I looked up, new tears streamed down my face. I didn’t want him to see me like this.
“I have no intentions to walk away from you or let any amount of distance ruin this. Will it be difficult for us? Yes. Will it hurt me just as bad to be away from you? Yes.”
Tears fell from Ryan’s eyes.
“But one thing I know for sure…” He held my chin up to make sure I wouldn’t look away. “I am falling in love with you.”
My knees felt weak. I hadn’t expected that response from him.
“With you, Taryn!” he stressed, looking directly into my eyes. “I don’t want anyone else - just you. And no matter where I am, wherever I go, you’re the only one who is holding my heart.”
He felt that I wasn’t resisting so he eased up on the grip he had on my arm. His grasp that once kept me from running away now held me up where I stood.
“We’ll figure out a way to make it work. I promise,” he solemnly vowed.
“I have plenty of time between my schedules to come back here, and when I can’t be here, I’ll get you on a plane. No matter what, I’m not going to let you go.” He stressed his last words.
“I’m falling in love with you, too,” I confessed, looking up into his warm, blue eyes. “That’s why it hurts so much.”
He pulled me into a comforting embrace and crushed his lips on mine. I felt the weight of my uncertainties lift off my heart as I read his lips and the message his kiss conveyed. Knowing that he wanted me, hearing that he didn’t want it to end, was exactly what I needed to move forward.
His kiss ended and he sighed heavily.
“Oh, Sweetheart, don’t worry. You’re not gonna get rid of me that easily.”
“That’s good to know,” I murmured on his chest.
Ryan hugged me, stroking his hand over my hair.
“I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure how long you and I...” I sniffed. “If this, between us, was only until you left Seaport.”
“No. That was never my intention.” He kissed my head.
“The way I feel about you, and after our incredible night and this morning…” I tossed my head back and took a moment to breathe.
“I don’t know about you, but my feelings for you started way before that!” He tried to joke.
“Mine too,” I admitted. “But Suzanne kept picking until she found my weakness.” I sighed, collecting myself further.
“Ryan, I know you have obligations that will tear you away from here. Suzanne informed me of all of them, emphasizing how much you need your freedom. The thought of never seeing you again was excruciating. Allowing myself to fall madly in love with you and then having to let you go for good, I don’t know if I could survive that.”