He restrained my wrists from the guerilla tickle assault, trying to maintain his moody face, but I just ignored it and wiggled from side to side on his body in happiness and sang, “He loves me, he wants to kiss me, he wants to hug me…” He shut me up by kissing me senseless and pulling me next to him, cuddling me securely in his arms.
Who’d have thought that we’d ever be here like this? At least the secrets were put to bed – literally – and now I knew the truth, it shed some light on some of Tudor’s strange past behaviour.
That was it! It suddenly makes sense!
I drew back to face him, realisation dawning. “All of this, your past, your dad, everything, is why you acted all weird when Gage said to call him if we didn’t work out, isn’t it?”
He swallowed cautiously and nodded his head once in confirmation. “I’d just got you, eventually, after I never thought I would. I was already stressing about losing you. When… Gage.”
I shook my head in disbelief at how he couldn’t say his name without gritting his teeth. He glared back, clenching his jaw. “Hey, I’m still a stubborn, possessive ass, that won’t change, and he likes you which means I. Don’t. Like. Him.”
“Tudor!”
He shrugged unapologetically. “When he told you he’d be waiting for you if we broke up, all these insecurities came back to smack me in the face, and all I could picture was the wannabe-hippy wanker taking you away from me. I have never been allowed to have anything I truly loved, Sunshine, and I loved you even then, whether you believe me or not. I freaked. Not to sound weirdly obsessive, but you’re mine and I don’t intend to let you go. I’m going to work on my issues, maybe talk to someone or just talk to you for now, but no more secrets, I promise. I just want to be with you more than anything in the world, and now you have me and I have you, I won’t let anything break us ever again.”
I placed my palm on his rough and swollen cheek. “I thought you couldn’t get emotionally attached to women, Mister? You seem to be doing better at that with me – I feel like you may spout poetry at any second!”
Tudor squeezed my knee until I was squirming and giggling, but he quite quickly lost the humour. “Tash, the women I slept with before were just toys. I know that sounds harsh, but they may as well have been blow-up dolls. I felt nothing for them, and most of the time I was beyond drunk. I had to be to face being intimate with them.”“Then why…”
He sighed sadly. “It was an outlet, a way to forget everything. I was stupid. If you have never been close to anyone emotionally, and feared it would only end in misery if you did, then you crave it. Sex kind of appeased my lack of close relationships for a while. I see now that it was foolish. The women only wanted me for Tudor North the actor, not Tudor North the man afraid to fall in love.”
My heart cried for him.
He stared at me in complete adoration. “With you though it’s completely shattering. Making love to you, being with you… it feels like home to me. I am so happy you are mine. You’re my love, the balm to my f**ked up past.”
I smiled against his neck and sighed in contentment. “I am yours, Tude, of that there has never been doubt. Now, let’s get to sleep, today has been…” I trailed off, not knowing the words.
He squeezed me into his warm embrace, shuffling to get us in a comfortable position, “Night, gorgeous. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” and I drifted off to sleep in the arms of the most perfect man on the planet.
I woke in the early morning in the same position we had gone to sleep: wrapped securely in Tudor’s embrace and my right arm completely dead. I moved to lie on my back to relieve my numb limb, which was wedged in a blood-stopping sandwich between Tudor’s two-ton bicep and chest, when I suddenly felt woollen material on my pillow beside me. I glanced down, and lying over my left shoulder was his scarf, the scarf from ‘Skater-gate’ – my treasured makeshift pillow. It was back where it belonged: with me, in bed, on my pillow.
I gazed down at my hulking, tattooed bad-boy and smiled. He must have put it there during the night. I leaned forwards, kissing Tudor’s slightly parted lips. Almost automatically, he lifted his shoulders off the mattress, and his hand wrapped around the nape of my neck as he drew me against him further. Thoroughly pleased, I gently pushed him down as his eyes squinted, fighting the pull of sleep. “Sunshine? What–?” he croaked.
“Shh… go back to sleep, babes,” I cooed, running my finger gently along his face.