Really? She did? I looked at my squirming boyfriend’s guilty expression and scowled. Kate clicked the top of her expensive pen in my face to regain my attention. "... But maybe you are good for him, at least in private. Of course, his female fans won't be happy about you, but it’s good that you’re average and fairly normal-looking – non-threatening, you know – but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, you've impressed me, not an easy thing to achieve," and she patted my head, patted my head like a friggin' poodle. I wanted to say something in return, but instead I kind of let out a little yip.
Kate just smirked – yep, I'm a friggin' poodle, an average, non-threatening and ‘normal’ looking poodle! Goodbye, first place at Crufts!
Kate the Viper turned to Tudor. "I'm setting up a press conference for later today, the sooner we give them a statement, the sooner we can control it. I loathe lack of control," she visibly shuddered. "Now, you need to do this alone as the press have not seen you go public yet with Little Miss Sunshine here, and we need to give them one thing at a time. Spoon feed the bastards, leave them salivating for more."
He shook his head, and folded his bulging arms across his chest. "Not happening. Tash will be sitting next to me where she belongs."
Ha, that told her! Wha–?
I grabbed Tudor’s arm. "Err... Tudor, I'm not sure I can do that, and if Kate thinks I shouldn't then..."
"No," he banged his fist on the table, causing Tink to scream in response – his poor nerves had been shot ever since we had found out about the leak.
Kate clicked in Tink’s face with a "Shh, pansy!" causing him to flinch back and cower in shock. I was still staring at my crazy muscled man, who was trying to argue his case for having me with him at the conference.
Tudor pointed at Kate. "She's sitting next to me, she's my girlfriend, permanent girlfriend and I want her there. If I’ve got to address all this personal stuff, then I’m doing it with the one I love beside me."
He turned in my direction, eyes pleading. "I need you there, Tash, please just do it for me."
Well, what am I meant to say to that?
I lowered my head in defeat. "Fine! But I'm pissed at you for putting me on TV. I haven't even had chance to apply fake tan!" I teased.
Tink held up a finger, halting the conversation. “I have some instant dark tone Bronzante in my bag, we’ll turn you from a white bap to a brown baguette in no time, my little ham roll."
I blew him a kiss and he caught it, bringing it to his cheek but then grimaced and stated, "Next time Wil, leave out the tongue. I don't like air-kiss girly frenchies."
Most of the table, now used to our antics, ignored us but Kate sat there shaking her head, muttering something to herself about "Fucking weird Brits!"
So that was that, a press conference was going to be held later that day and I would be sitting next to my man. My man the movie star… with the abusive past that he was about to discuss with the entire world. That wasn’t intimidating at all – Not. At. All.
Five hours later, and the press were waiting two doors down from our dressing room where we had been told to sit and wait (like Kate's good little bitch poodles).
The publicist-extraordinaire had managed to get a conference room large enough for all the press at the Saddledome stadium. I was wearing a fitted black silk vest top, stilettos and skinny high-waisted trousers, with my hair down – oh, yeah, and Tink’s instant fake tan (two coats, FYI).
To say I was nervous is not exactly accurate but to save some ugly descriptions involving a high dose of toilet humour, I’ll leave it at that! Tudor, at least was amused at my expense and therefore not as freaked out as I thought he would be.
He motioned for me to join him on the sofa, and I scurried over and sat down, throwing my legs over his and using his presence to calm me down. "You'll be fine, gorgeous. I'll do most of the talking. I have your back." I nodded in comprehension, obviously not convincing him.
"Tash, look at me." I met his loving gaze. "I really appreciate you doing this for me, I know it's gonna be hard but I'm truly thankful."
That soothed me some more and I smiled up at him. Tudor North, Tash Munro’s personal Prozac.
In the hours leading up to the conference, Kate and the legion of lawyers she had commanded onto a conference call had briefed Tudor on what he should say, what he should and should not answer and what aspects he should discuss, particularly as the trial was still pending.