I huffed and rammed a whole Cadbury's Dairy Milk bar into my mouth – I know, talented aren’t I? "Easier said than done!" I mumbled through my full mouth.
"Well, keeping things from the ones you love is difficult, but sometimes if you think it's for the best, you go with that option." he said with conviction.
"Oh yeah? And how would you know, gobshite?"
He laid a hand over his chest, mouth open. "Erm... hello! Gay-boy present. I was so far back in the closet to my family, I was living in Narnia! I met the Snow Queen but out-bitched her, stole all of her Turkish Delight and ravaged Mr. Tumnus, ruining him for all other fawns!"
"Fine, you do get it... but didn't you feel better when you shared your secret?"
"Well, no-one believed me at first back in war-torn England, but then Aslan the lion–"
"Tink!"
He pursed his lips to stop from smirking. "Okay, okay! Did I feel better for coming out to the sperm and egg donors? Me, yes, I felt relieved; did they feel better? No. I was friggin' shipped off to a g*y turn-around camp, and even though I found the pleasures of the oral and anal variety there, I don't know. I now think that sometimes keeping a secret may be better in the long run… for certain people. Let me tell you first hand, when someone you love so much rejects you after you’ve struggled for so long with such a heavy secret, that is no fault of your own, well – it crushes you. Tudor may be scared of your reaction to his issues; he needs to tell you in his own time and you need to let him."
I narrowed my eyes. "Since when did you become the wise one?"
He shrugged and batted his Hollywood Lash extensions. "I'm like a fit fookin' Yoda, only I'm tangerine-tan orange and have near-perfect syntax! Oh, and I don't think Tudor’s secret is of the homo persuasion, FYI. My internal g*y-dar didn't ping when I met him. My anaconda-sized treasured Sergeant Stiffy did, but that was simply in appreciation of his fine muscles."
He never fails!
"Good to know. I'm not sure I could handle two queens in my life." I said playfully, my heart feeling less heavy.
"Pisht! Everything's shinier with a bit of glitter!" he sang while throwing invisible fairy dust over the room.
"Yep, okay, for once I agree." I laughed, and then breathed a deflated sigh.
Tink threw an arm around my shoulders. "What's up, buttercup? You still look blue," he said with a frown.
"I just loathe frickin' secrets, they c**k everything up! You’d better not be hiding anything from me. I can't handle anything else."
He coughed and removed his arm from our embrace. I shuffled to face him, "What? Why are you suddenly being so weird?" I asked, beginning to worry."If I'm being weird it’ll probably just be the hormones."
"What? Hormones?"
He crouched down next to me, knees on the carpet, taking my hands in his perfectly-manicured ones. "Wil, I've been keeping a pint-sized porkie too." His face was so serious that I clutched his fingers tight.
"Oh my God, Tink, what is it? You're scaring me," I whispered, my heart beginning to race.
"Wil..." He drew in a shaky breath and tears filled his eyes. "It’s a shock but...”
“But what???” I squeaked.
“… I'm… I’m… pregnant!"
I threw away his hands. Prick! "Tink!" I screamed in annoyance.
He put his hands on his hips. "Hey, can I help it if Tatey's super-sperm has defied science?"
I pursed my lips together as he moved to the floor-length mirror in the hall and felt his 'bump', before I burst out laughing.
He ran over to me diving next to me on the sofa. "Ah-ha, she smiles!!!" he shouted and pulled me in for a snuggle. "For what it's worth, sausage, I think you should trust him."
I sighed. "I'll try."
"That's all he wants."
I nudged him in his ribs. "Since when did you stick up for Mr. North? This is quite the turn around."
"Erm... about the time I saw those thrusting glutes in action! I've dreamt about them ever since. Have you noticed the dimples and the small mole just to the left of–,"
"Shut up and come here!" I grabbed him and pulled him in for a bear hug, he pulled back, hissing, and winced. "What now?" I asked, not really wanting the answer.
"It's my titties, hun. Since I got knocked up they've been rock hard and hurting like a bitch," he shrugged and put a finger to his mouth. "Must be the beginning of my lactation."