“So soon?”
“Yes, so soon.” His expression twisted into its familiar scowl. “I had hoped to make it here earlier to warn Demont.” He shook his head, his face flushed with emotions. “Look at the size of Demont’s army. Maderos was right. A tithing…if that. A tenth.” He swallowed.
Lia’s stomach flittered with worry. “Do you remember what else he said?”
“His words are burned in my memory, Lia. He said I must first survive the slaughter at Winterrowd. He called it a slaughter. How can it be otherwise.”
Lia wanted to touch his arm to comfort him, but could not muster the courage. “He said you may survive. If your sister held a vigil for you. I think…Colvin, I think he was talking about me.”
He nodded, his eyes staring blankly ahead. She could feel the fear bubbling inside of him. His face was pale. She could almost see the doubts churning in his mind as he focused on the scene.
“Look at me, Colvin.”
He turned his head, his eyes bloodshot and watery. “I am too late,” he whispered. “I came too late.”
“You are afraid. I can feel it inside of you. Maderos said if I held vigil for you tonight, you may survive. He was right about Almaguer. He was right about the road. He is right about this as well.”
His eyes closed. “May survive. May is not very solid. I thought that we would have a chance. I thought if there was enough time, we could rally others. Or move to better ground. This was to be the starting point. Not the finish.” His jaw clenched.
“What must I do?” Lia said, wanting to shake him. “How do I hold a vigil? It is going without sleep, I know that much.”
“But what if he was talking about my sister, Marciana? She is finishing her first year at Billerbeck. What if my fate hangs on whether she holds a vigil tonight?”
It was ridiculous. She was having to teach him about the Medium. “There is no room for doubt, Colvin. Remember what you told me? Doubt is poison. You must fix your thought in your mind. Do not doubt. Believe and then act. Fear stops you from acting. The Medium brought us this far for a reason. You cannot stop here.”
He turned away from her. His voice was so soft, she barely heard it. “What if that reason is to die?”
In her mind, she remembered the morning he was to depart from Muirwood. He had just promised her that he would help her learn to read. Even then, he had doubted whether he would survive the battle. Somehow, she had been given a glimpse of his soul and understood his fear. That he would die in battle without anyone to tell his sister what had befallen him. Yet despite his fear, he had driven himself with the determination to reach Winterrowd in time. Here they were – not in time to prevent the battle, but to participate in it. His worst fears were about to be realized.
“Colvin,” she said.
He looked at her, his expression helpless.
“The Medium brought us together. It brought you to the kitchen because I could heal you. It brought you to the kitchen because it knew I could use the Cruciger orb. And it has brought us both here, now, to Winterrowd, for a reason. I still have the orb.” She touched his arm, he flinched, and she pulled away. “If you are among the dead tomorrow, I will find you. I will find your sister and tell her how bravely you fought and where you fell. If you are injured, then I will drag you away and tend you and heal you as I did in the kitchen. If you are well, then I will rejoice with you. Whatever happens, Colvin, know that I will watch over you. I know I am only a wretched, but I will not sleep, until I see you again on the morrow.”
His eyes filled with tears, but he clenched his jaw and held them back. When he had mastered himself, he said, “I do not need to teach you the vigil. You know it already. When you sacrifice for someone else, when you carry another’s burden instead of your own, the Medium senses it keenly. It is more apt to help you when you help others. Thank you, Lia. You give me courage to face my fears. I will face them.”
She smiled, touched by the depth of his gratitude. “I only remind you of what you already know.” She looked down at the valley. “Let us go to Demont.”
He shook his head. “It will be safer for you here in the woods. You can hide easily in these hills. How would I explain your presence in Demont’s camp? What safety would you have? If our army falls, what would the king’s men do to you? No, it is safer here than in the camp. I will rest easier tonight knowing you are sheltered.”
She wanted to go with him, but it made sense. She twisted in the saddle to dismount, and he grabbed her hand to help her down.