Everywhere I looked there were people having sex. I did not understand it. This was not what I had been taught, not how I had been raised.
A happy sigh escaped Phebe’s mouth, and she turned to me. “Is it not glorious, sister?”
My eyes widened at her words. “I do not understand. Why are such actions taking place in the Lord’s Holy grounds?”
“This is the prophet’s message, Delilah. This has always been the way. We celebrate the Lord’s love with our bodies, ‘flesh of his flesh.’”
My head shook profusely. “No! We are to be pure. Restrained. We are to suppress pleasure so as to not invite evil into our hearts and souls.”
Phebe laid her hand on my shoulder. “No, sister. That is the way of the Cursed. You must suppress pleasure so as to not invite further evil into your already blackened soul. You are to remain pure but for your god-blessed elder who helps you reach salvation. As the chosen ones of the Lord, we pray through our pleasure. The Lord made us sexual to feel his love.”
My lip shook as I remembered the first day Brother Noah took me in a Lord’s Sharing as a child…
“Delilah, today you learn obedience, for obedience shall conquer evil.” His head tipped to the side. “You do wish for your satanic soul to be saved, do you not?”
“Yes, sir, most desperately. I do not want to be fallen, nor a temptress.”
Brother Noah smiled, and my stomach flipped. It did not seem kind, nor sincere, but rather salacious and excited. “Then come. We are to go to the great hall where all the other sinners and Cursed that need saving convene.”
I bowed my head in submission, placing my small hand within his. “What will happen when we are in there?” my eight-year-old voice asked.
Brother Noah bent down, stroked his finger down my cheek, and said, “I am to take you, Delilah. Purify you with my seed. And you mustn’t fight it. For fighting will only delay your salvation. You want to be set free, do you not? You want to be with the Lord when the Day of Judgment comes?”
“Yes, sir, it is my utmost dream.”
“Then do not fight. Your sister, Bella, fought brother Gabriel at her first Sharing. She is still a headstrong and sinful child. Her soul is still dark. You do not want that, do you, Delilah?”
I shook my head vigorously. I did not want that at all.
I was scared as I was stripped of my garment. I was afraid as I was placed on all fours, my head pressed to the ground and my hands placed behind my back. There was pain, discomfort, but more than that, the surrender I made to Brother Noah and the Lord. This was how I should be saved.I felt unsteady on my feet.
“Delilah?” Phebe said as she watched me warily.
I stared at the girl that was once my sister and felt nothing but confusion.
Turning on my heel, I ran back down the short path to my new quarters, hearing the soft thud of Phebe’s feet behind me. I did not stop. My mind was a labyrinth of bewilderment, a whirring chaos of turmoil, deceit, and misconceptions.
As I entered my new bedroom, pacing the spacious apartment, Phebe ran in and asked, “Delilah, what is the matter? Why are you acting this way?”
Raking my fingers through my hair, I asked, “Do you partake in these services? Does everybody?”
She eyed me like I was ill of mind.
“Please, Phebe! I must know!”
“Yes, I take part in these services. They are essential to our faith… to the cause. It is what we are all called to do. The apocalypse is nigh, and Prophet Cain will ensure our ascension to paradise through his revelations.”
“Is this why you are a Sacred Sister? How have you earned that title? I have never heard of this before.”
Phebe smiled. “Prophet David revealed that we must recruit more members. I was one of the sisters chosen from our previous commune to go to the outside world and convert more disciples.”
My legs grew weak and I slumped down onto the bed. “You… you go to the outside? You leave the commune?”
“Yes. We must preach and take mission to spread the Lord’s words, just as Jesus and his disciples did.”
“How? How do you convert?”
Phebe walked cautiously toward me and joined me on the bed. She held my hand and confessed, “We share the Lord’s love. Show men and women that they can live a restraint-free life, show them how life can be if they embrace the Lord’s love and fully commit themselves to the cause… to Prophet David, and now to Prophet Cain.”
I did not think Phebe could say or show me anything else this morning that would shock me more than the Sacred Circle. I was growing numb. Everything I believed was being questioned; my beliefs were being ripped up; no, blown to smithereens. My entire life and beliefs were crumbling before my very eyes!