I entered the pool house and threw my bag down beside the door. I headed straight for my closet to change into some dry clothes, when my eyes landed on the picture on my dresser. It was my mamma; my mamma smiling and holding me in her arms. I was about three. We both looked happy. Then my eyes drifted to my mamma’s hand, and there, clutched in her palm were the brown rosary beads she’d treasured so much. That I now treasured so much.
The ones that had now gone.
My hands ran through my still-wet hair, my eyes glued to the picture, when I heard the pool house door click open behind me. I turned to see Lexi slipping through, her black hair now damp from the downpour.
I sighed as she entered, and she said, “I know you, Lev. You didn’t think I’d leave you here alone, when I knew you were upset, did you?” My shoulders sagged as she walked toward me. “You may not say much, sweetie, but I can tell when you’re hurting.”
Dipping my head, feeling my chest ache, I said, “What about Dante?”
Lexi glanced over her shoulder through the glass door of the pool house. “Austin just got home.” I saw Austin standing at the kitchen window of the main house. When I caught his eye, he lifted his hand. I threw him a wave back, then sat down on the end of the bed.
Lexi sat down beside me. I could feel her attention concentrating on me. With a deep breath, I explained, “My wallet got stolen from the locker room this afternoon.”
I could feel the confusion coming from Lexi, confusion as to why I was so upset. “Okay,” she drew out the word, “well that sucks. But it’s okay, we’ll cancel your cards and get everything replaced. It’s annoying but it’s an easy fix.”
I nodded, and looked up at my sister-in-law. Lexi’s green eyes narrowed as she read my face. “But that’s not what’s bothering you though.” Her head tilted to the side. “What’s really wrong, Lev? All this isn’t over a few stolen credit cards.”
Lexi’s hand squeezed my arm and I exhaled a long breath. “My mamma’s rosary beads were inside the wallet. I always keep them in it when I train, to keep them safe.” I huffed a sardonic laugh.
Lexi’s face immediately fell at the mention of my mamma. “Oh, Levi. I’m so sorry, sweetie.”
For some reason my throat clogged with emotion at the pureness of understanding in Lexi’s voice. This was why I loved her. She’d been with me and Austin through thick and thin. But more than that, I didn’t have to explain to her why the rosary getting stolen destroyed me inside. She knew my mamma. She knew what losing her did to us all. She knew me, period.
“Did you see who took it? Have you told the coach? Maybe they caught the person responsible after you left?”
I pictured the hooded young girl in my mind and nodded my head. “It was a girl. I’d never seen her before. She was real dirty and her clothes were all faded and old. She looked like a homeless person, Lex. She looked like some of the kids we get in at Kind.”
Lexi’s eyebrows pulled down again—this time it was in concern, concern for the girl. “Did she speak to you?”
I shook my head. “I was just coming out of the shower when I saw her going through my things. I called out a couple of times before she even heard me. When she did, she bolted out of the door. By the time I was dressed, she’d vanished.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and said quietly, “I don’t give a damn about the wallet. But the beads…” I trailed off, staring at the floor again.
Suddenly, Lexi pulled me into her arms. “I know, Lev. I know why they’re so important.”
Feeling stupid that, at age twenty, I was so cut up about those damn old beads I held Lexi back, and fought to control my breathing. In fact, I squeezed Lexi for a couple of long minutes. I never really showed emotion to anyone. Hell, I barely spoke unless I was forced to, but I could tell Lexi anything. She was the strongest, kindest person I knew.
Eventually, I pulled back. Keeping my head down, I stood up, completely embarrassed.
“Lev—”
“It’s alright, Lex. I’ll get over it. They were just a bit of old wood.”
Lexi stood and made her way to the pool house door. Before she left, she countered, “They weren’t, Lev. To you, they are your mamma. You don’t need to feel foolish about hurting over losing them. Not to me.”
I didn’t reply, unsure that I could through my thick throat. Lexi left me alone, and I exhaled a long breath. I quickly changed into a dry pair of sweats and a shirt, toweled off my hair, and made myself a coffee.
Walking straight to my desk, I sat on my chair and opened the Greek Mythology textbook that was already lying on the top. My eyes fell upon the bookmarked page and the story my assignment was on—Hero and Leander. I stared at the aged oil painting of the doomed lovers dominating the page. I sighed.
I was twenty.
Mamma had died when I was fourteen.
I should be coping with life by now.
But since the day she died, I felt like I’d been wandering in a forest. A forest shrouded in dense mist. Since the day my mamma passed, I’d been trying to find a guiding light out of this mess. Desperate to find my way out of the dark.
My gaze fell on the picture of Hero and Leander; of Leander drowned in the water, his guiding light in Hero’s tower extinguished by the raging storm. He’d been lost at sea, his lover’s bright lamp overwhelmed by towering waves.
At that moment I felt a kinship with this Greek man, because I was lost too. Drowning too.
But I was drowning in life.
Drowning in my own shyness.
Being kept down by my past.
Chapter Two
Elsie
I kept on running. I hadn’t dared stop. That boy had seen me.
He’d seen me stealing from his bag. Daggers stabbed at my conscience as I remembered his face at the moment he realized I was taking his things. But then I had swayed on my feet; the hunger and weakness in my body chasing away my guilt. And he’d been shouting at me. He’d shouted at me and I didn’t hear him. Didn’t hear him standing behind me—and I had almost been caught; caught red handed committing a felony offense.
My stomach growled at me, screaming that it was desperate for food. My legs shook as I forced them to work even though I had little energy left to help them move. My skin flushed with an almost unbearable heat, my head feeling light again. I knew it would pass. The too-hot sensation would pass, only to be replaced by too-freezing cold. I had been this way for weeks; every day I grew weaker and weaker.