I know that’s the right choice. Deep down in my heart, I know he isn’t ready. I know it. So why the hell can’t I just walk away and be his friend? Why can’t I stop this? What is it that he’s doing to me that makes me want to keep hanging on? There is something about him, so real, so genuine, so incredible. There is something that makes me want to hang onto him.
But hanging onto him will get me hurt.
I know this.
Dammit. I know it.
“Hey,” Jack says, clicking his fingers. “Come on, come sit outside with everyone. Take your mind off it.”
I nod and stand, following him outside to the massive table and chairs under a tree. My dad, Kyrpt, Mack, Jaylah, and Ash are all sitting at the table, discussing something. When they see us, they all stop.
“Well, if you two aren’t the cutest.” Jaylah grins.
Jack and I both roll our eyes. If Jaylah had it her way, we would have been married with four kids by now. She has been planning our wedding since we were kids, but she never got her wish.
“Mother, that would be like sleeping with my sister,” Jack scoffs. “That is unacceptable behaviour. Besides, I’m on the chase right now. It’s very difficult.”
Jaylah’s brows raise. “Do share!”
Mack groans.
Jack shoots him a shit-eating grin.
“If we’re going to share stories of love, I’m outta here!” Krypt says.
“Sit down and listen!” Ash orders, grinning at her man.
I sit down by my dad, and he puts an arm around my shoulder, turning to glance down at me, his blue eyes scan my face. “What’s wrong, darlin’?”
I shake my head. “Nothing, it’s fine. Everything is fine.”
“When a woman uses fine more than once in a sentence, it ain’t fine,” he points out. “You wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head. “No, not really.”
“Okay, baby, but when you do, you know where I am.”
“So,” Jaylah says, nudging Jack, “tell Momma all about this girl.”
“He can’t get her,” I say, shrugging. “Poor guy.”
Jack shoots me a look. “I can get her! She’s just being ... difficult.”
“There’s a tactic with difficult women, son,” Kyrpt says. “Walk up to them, throw them over your shoulder, carry them to the bed, and fuck them so hard they have no choice but to remember your name.”
We all stare at him.
Dad bursts out laughing, Mack grins, and all the women look horrified.
Jack is contemplating it, rubbing his chin and nodding with a grin.
“How has that worked out for you in the past?” Ash says to Krypt, nudging him.
He shoots her a wicked grin. “Works every time.”
“Ew!” Jack and I say at the same time.
“Son,” Jaylah says, giggling. “You just have to keep pushing. She’ll come around.”“Wrong,” Mack adds, crossing his arms. “You have to stop pushing, and she’ll come around.”
All eyes swing to him.
“Explain yourself, father,” Jack says, crossing his arms, too.
“You’re chasing her. She likes it. It’s fun. She’s playing hard to get, because you’re making it your mission to follow her like a lost dog. Stop, and watch her come running.”
“As. If.” Jaylah rolls her eyes. “That’ll just piss her off.”
Mack looks to his woman. “If I ignored you, after giving you all the attention, you’re telling me you wouldn’t be on that phone quicker than a fly on shit, messaging me like a crazy woman?”
She flushes, and nods. “Man has a point.”
“So, ignore her.” Mack shrugs. “Simple.”
“I don’t know ...” Jack says hesitantly. “I’m not sure I trust your judgement. I mean, look at the woman you snagged.”
Jaylah slaps her son, and he grins, throwing his arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek.
My phone buzzes and I glance down. I haven’t spoken to Roman much today. He’s noticing. I know I need to explain to him why, but I don’t honestly know how to do that without screwing up. I told him I was okay with everything that happened, that I was okay with casual, but the truth is I always knew I wasn’t that kind of girl and I let it go anyway.
The best thing for both of us, until he’s fully moved on, is to slow this back to friendship.
R – Hey? You ok?
I exhale, and it’s shaky.
M – Yeah, I’m okay. Just thinking.
R – About what?
M – All of this. I think for right now it’s best if we just stay friends until you deal with your ex. I feel like it might cause problems and I really don’t want that. I don’t want either of us to get hurt.
A few minutes tick by, and my hands start shaking. I stand and walk over to another shady tree, pressing my back against it. My phone buzzes, and I practically drop it I move that fast to read the message.
R – If that’s what you want? But I do want what’s happening with us, I wasn’t lying about that. I just don’t want to move fast or get too serious right now. I’m enjoying the fun we have.
M – I know that, but I don’t feel like it’s fully resolved, and until it is, I think we just stay friends and stop sleeping together. Slow or not, that usually complicates things.
A few more minutes pass, and my hands tremble.
R – I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?
My heart clenches. No. No. Of course he hasn’t fucked up. This isn’t on him. Or me. It’s just a situation that is going to work better for us both in the long run if we slow it down and just recover first from our pasts. Truthfully, I’m still cut up about Michael and what he did to me, and while my feelings have changed, it’s still too soon.
M – No, of course not. I just have to be careful here. I like you, a lot. I don’t want to get hurt.
R – I respect that. I do have feelings for you, I hope you know that.
He does?
I blink.
I know he’s figured out I’ve started developing feelings for him, but I didn’t realise he was developing feelings for me, too. All the more reason to pull the brakes on for now.
M – I didn’t know that.
R – Well I do, and I do know what I have to do with her, it’s just hard. But I do want to finish it so I can move on.