“I’m thinking of another game, this is not over. You will suffer.”
He snorts.
“I hate you,” I say, raising my brows.
“I hate you, too, dick frig.”
I giggle.
“Drink another beer, you’re behind.”
He slides a beer across the table towards me. I take it, open it, and drink it. “Bohemian Rhapsody” comes on the radio, and we both look at each other, massive grin on our faces.
“We simply cannot let this pass without breaking it down.” I nod.
We both start singing at the top of our lungs to the song, throwing our hands in the air, laughing like crazy people, right until the end of the song. Then we collapse back laughing again.
I miss laughing with him.
I miss the fun.
I really just miss him.
“I’m glad we’re friends again, I was getting worried there for a while,” I say.
He looks to me. “Me too. I know I don’t say it, but I appreciate everything you do for me, Molly. I really do. You’ve helped me so much.”
Just not enough to keep her from digging her claws back into him.
“Yeah, I know. I do know that.”
His eyes lock onto mine. “I never meant for it to go like this.”
I smile and shrug, even though my heart aches. “Honestly, I think it was just too soon. I think sometimes I hurt because I’m so afraid of losing you, and not because my feelings are that strong. I haven’t known you long enough for them to be that intense.”
Liar.
But it’s what he needs to hear.
He needs the pressure removed from me, and the only way for me to do that, is to take away what I think and feel, and just let him do this on his own. The worst thing he can get from me right now, is more drama. I need to be his happy place. I need to give him what he gave me at that start, because honestly, that’s what got me over Michael.
“Yeah,” he says, studying me.
“I just get so freaked out about losing what we have, that’s all.”
“You won’t lose me.”
But I could. He just can’t see it. If he goes back there, he will lose me. Because I don’t know many girls that would accept a friendship like ours. And even if I didn’t lose him, it would change. It couldn’t ever be the way it is now, and honestly, I think I’d rather nothing than a mediocre friendship. Roman and I, we weren’t made to be mediocre, we were made to be incredible. Epic even.
If he’s with her. Then he doesn’t need me.
That’s just how this works.
“Do you think we met for a reason?” I ask him.
“Yeah, I do. Honestly, and I’ve told you this before, the day you started talking to me, I asked my mom to send me something to make it easier. It was getting so fucking hard. And then you came into my life.”
That makes my heart ache for him.
But mostly, it makes me feel grateful that someone crossed our paths.
“I think your mom made sure I found you,” I say softly.
“I think she did, too.”
“And I’m grateful for it, Roman. You’re the best person I know. You’re my person. I couldn’t have done any of it without you.”
“Yeah,” he says, those eyes looking sad again. “I know.”
I hope this goes away for him soon.
I hope that woman finally gives him the chance to move on.
Because I hate seeing him so ... broken.
CHAPTER 20
Two weeks pass since Roman and I went back to being just friends.
It’s hard.
I keep most of how I’m feeling inside, and spend more time than not acting like I’m happy and moving on, but it’s killing me. It’s killing me to watch him sinking again. He looks unhappy, he’s not himself—even his tone of voice on the phone is flat and broken. I hate her for doing that to him. I just want to take his pain away, but I’m powerless to. So, I just have to keep doing what I’m doing.
Being his backbone, the positive in his life, his person.
Even though I’m falling to pieces internally with every passing second.
Things have changed between us, how could they not? Our conversations are guarded, we can’t talk about certain things anymore, he’s treating me how a man treats his friend when he has a girlfriend. When it was just me and him, there was nothing held back. We talked for hours on end about anything and everything. Now ... Now we just ... We just aren’t Roman and Molly anymore.
We still talk every day. We still laugh.
But something vital is missing.
Just keep pushing through, Molly. He needs you to be strong.
“Hey!” I say, rocking into his house when he gets back from work, beers in hand. “How are you?”
He’s sitting at his back table, staring at his phone. He looks up when I come in, and he smiles, the softness in his eyes returns for a bit. I wish I could make it stay for longer, but I can’t. I hold up the beers. “You up for one?”
“What do you think this house is? Amateur hour?” he grins.
I roll my eyes and flop down onto the chair. “Well, your hands are empty, so I’m guessing yes.”
He snorts, taking a beer.
“How are you, Spoosie?” he asks, putting his phone down.
“Awesome. You?”
He shrugs. “Good.”
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
“That’s good,” I smile, and it kills me not to ask him more.
We drink and talk for a few hours until we’ve both eased up. It takes longer these days, with so much tension floating around in the air all the time. I wish I could make it easier, things have never been awkward between us, but only time can do that. Finally, he turns to me and for the first time, he talks freely with me.
“I was thinking of going down and seeing her this week.”
My stomach flips and pain stabs me in the chest, my entire body goes numb, but I keep my smile. I keep it because I have to. He needs me. Just breathe, Molly.
“Oh, does she want that?”
How I manage to get those words out of my mouth, is beyond me.
“I thought she did, but she rang me up last night and said she just didn’t have the same feelings for me anymore and didn’t want me to come down.”
I want to scream for joy, because it’s about damned time she finally said those words. Relief floods me, so glad he’s not going to go and have his heart ripped out of his chest yet again.