“You ever fucking touch her again, I will come to you in the night and slice your cock off and fuck you with it until you’re bleeding, you rotten piece of shit. Do you understand me?”
Jasper grunts. His face is red and he’s sweating. “Fuck you!”
Billy twists Jasper’s cock so hard, the roar that comes from his mouth is ear splitting.
“Okay,” Jasper rasps, his voice broken. “I won’t touch her.”
“If it wasn’t for her Momma, you would be dead right now, you piece of shit. If you take this out on them though, mark my words, I’ll gut you.”
Jasper nods, his face bloated, red and now dripping. He’s panting, his mouth is twisted in a way that’s gone beyond pain. Billy lets him go, puts his foot to Jasper’s chest and sends him backwards into the wall. Jasper scrambles to his knees, and scurries out the door. When he’s gone, Billy turns to me. He’s literally shaking with rage and his brown eyes are flaring open and closed with emotion.
“How long?” he says in a voice so icy, I flinch.
“Since I was thirteen.”
“You never told me?” he roars and paces the room, fists clenched with rage.
“I didn’t want to risk my mother.”
“Your mother?” he bellows, spinning around. “That woman put you in this mess.”
I stand, pulling a sheet around myself. “And she is all I have. Without her, I won’t survive.”
“You’ll survive with me!”
“And what if that goes wrong?”
His eyes narrow and he runs a hand through his sandy-blonde hair. “Is that all you think of this? Of us?”
“I’ve seen what happens to love. I’ve seen married men come in and have their dicks sucked because their wives are tired or looking after children. I’ve seen women coming in looking for company, because their husbands work too much. I know where love goes, and I won’t risk it. So yes, that is what I think of this.”
He shakes his head sadly. “Addison, you’re letting this ruin you. One day, a man is going to come along and sweep you away. He’s going to give you that feeling you can’t go back on, that feeling that will change your world. You won’t think like this then.”
“It won’t happen,” I say, feeling my eyelids become heavy as I begin to come down from my high.
“Not even with me?”
I stare at him through hooded lashes. “You’re as close as I’ve ever come to love, Billy. It’s not enough though. I am what I am. You’re better off moving on and finding something worth fighting for.”
“You’re worth fighting for, Addison.”
“In your eyes, perhaps.”
He looks pained now. “Why don’t you stop him?”
I shrug, light up a cigarette and sit down. “What’s the point? He’s going to do it, even if I fight. He knows he’ll get what he wants, because without him, my mother and I are on the streets. He needs her, and with her comes me. He knows I won’t fight. It’s just quicker if I block it out.”“He’s raping you,” he whispers, disgusted.
“Yeah, well, there are worse things in the world.”
“Addison, will there ever come a time you’ll let someone save you?”
I stand, walk past him and head toward my bedroom. At the door, I turn back to him. “Saving someone only works if that person wants or deserves to be saved.”
“Have you looked at yourself lately?” he yells. “Have you?”
“Yes!”
“No, you haven’t! Addison, you’re sinking. You need to take a good hard look at yourself, this isn’t how you want to be, God dammit, wake up.”
Before I know what he’s doing, he’s got me and drags me into the bathroom. He flicks on the light and shoves me in front of the broken glass. “Look!”
I stare at the girl in the mirror, the girl with hollow cheeks, dark rings under her eyes, and ratty hair that holds no color. She’s broken; she’s damaged. When did I let myself become so…so horrible? I swallow down the bile that rises in my throat. Who is that girl in front of me?
She’s not me.
I know what she is.
She’s a nothing.
PRESENT
“Have you seen Cade?” I ask Jackson one afternoon, about two weeks into my stay.
Cade hasn’t spoken a lot to me since I over reacted at him, and while I understand it, it’s kind of pissing me off.
Jackson nods, and points towards a small shed up the back of the lot.
“He’s workin’ on his bike.”
“Thanks.”
“What you need him for?” he asks, wiping some grease onto his jeans.
I avoid his gaze. “Just to chat.”
“No woman just chats with Cade. Be careful, Addison. He’s not the kind of man that will change your life.”
I stare up at him, and then I narrow my eyes. “Someone probably said that about you once, Jackson. It doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“Look where love got me.”
I turn and walk towards the small shed. “Who said love had anything to do with this?”
Jackson doesn’t get to answer, and that’s fine by me. I don’t want to hear his answer. Not right now. I know it’ll only be something that makes my heart hurt. I reach the small shed, and can hear the sounds of tools tinkering. I grip the handle, open the door and step inside. It’s only a small space, and in the middle, Cade’s bike is hoisted up and he’s standing underneath it, completely shirtless. I stop walking, and I let my eyes travel over his body. Hot damn, what a body it is. Cade is ripped in a way a girl can only dream about. Broad shoulders, tight chest, washboard abs and that sexy-as-sin man ‘V’. He’s covered from head to toe in streaks of grease.