Ben dropped his head against the back of the booth and yawned, while Dante answered, “No, thank you. Just the check, please.”
He was exhausted. He hadn’t realized how tired he was until the food settled. Ben needed sleep and he needed it badly but the thought of closing his eyes, of opening himself up to the memories made him sweat.
The waitress returned with the check and Dante reached for it. Ben managed to get his hand on it first, Dante’s landing on top of his own. Ben needed to be the one to pay for this. He wasn’t sure why but he did. “Please,” Ben asked.
Dante didn’t move his hand away, as he answered. “You haven’t been sleeping.”
Ben shrugged. “I do what I can.”
“Come home with me. You’ll sleep in my bed.” Dante shook his head and mumbled, “Shit.”
He didn’t want to ask anymore than Ben wanted him to have to. But he did ask and Ben would say yes. “We want the same thing.” And they did. The lines wouldn’t get crossed because Ben would never expect to be saved. Regardless of the fact that he had no idea what in the hell this was between them, he wanted it. Comfort in someone who understood, nothing more, nothing less.
“Okay,” Ben replied and Dante removed his hand.
After Ben paid the bill, he followed Dante from the diner. He lived close enough that they could walk to Dante’s apartment. A few minutes later, he stood at the bed Dante had tried to tie him to a week before.
“Take off your clothes,” Dante told Ben from behind him. So he did. He stepped out of his pants and unbuttoned his shirt. They both went to the floor before he took off his underwear as well.
Dante stepped closer, his clothed body aligned with Ben’s naked one. He wrapped an arm around Ben, splaying his open hand on Ben’s abdomen. “What you do to me... So beautiful and broken.” He inhaled close to Ben’s hair. “The way you smell. Your blond hair, long enough that I can grab onto it.”
It was only a few inches but Ben guessed that was the perfect length. “I used to wear it slicked back. It looks more professional.”
“I like it loose, like this.” He squeezed tighter. “You shouldn’t be here right now. I shouldn’t have told you what I did tonight.”
Ben closed his eyes...just felt. “And I feel differently about being here?”
“I know. Maybe that’s what makes it okay.” And then Dante stepped away. “Get into bed.” He walked over to the wall and hit the switch for the light. Ben paused a second before getting between the covers. He heard rustling, what he assumed was Dante undressing and then the bed dipped, and Dante lay warm at his side.
Ben closed his eyes and went to sleep.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Ben’s eyes popped open. There was no slow progression between sleep and awake. One second he was the former, and then the latter.
It was early. He could tell by the dim lighting from the window that the sun just began to make an appearance.
He’d gone to bed late and woken up early but he’d had hours of uninterrupted sleep. It wasn’t something he was blessed with much anymore.
He had a hard body against his own, something else he hadn’t had in a long time. Ben had always liked waking up with someone. He’d had many lovers and never took them seriously but discounting the last few months, he hadn’t been the type of man who didn’t spend the night.
Still, there was a part of him who wanted to shove out of the bed, and leave. Maybe it was the fact that Dante seemed to know more about Ben than Ben let on. Or the fact that Dante got him to eat and sleep and Ben wanted to continue on his path of self-destruction.
It was a foreign feeling, seeing himself in someone or feeling understood when he spent his life with no one really knowing him.
And he knew Dante would feel the same. That he didn’t want Ben here even though he asked him to come. They’d admitted as much last night.
Yet, he didn’t move. He knew he wouldn’t get out of this bed, and move away from the body beside him, as much as he hated himself for it. Lying here, he wasn’t alone. He’d been alone for so damn long. Even when he had someone with him, he’d felt alone, yet in this bed, he didn’t.
Ben shut off his brain and blocked out the past. He didn’t want to deal with any of it right now—with the thoughts and memories. Bonnie’s blood and Javier’s brains and everything else that he struggled to turn off.
Ben lay on his left side, and suddenly the bed moved. He started to turn into the body that now faced him but Dante’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.