I pull away from her but she squeezes my arm a little harder, stopping me once again. I turn to look at her and she leans in, her eyes now almost devilishly conniving.
“Oh, and Zack?” she says sweetly.
I just stare at her, waiting for whatever other pearls of wisdom she may have for me.
“The reason I threw this party was so that you and Kate could be in the same place at the same time and have an opportunity to talk. I was hoping you’d come to your senses.”
My jaw drops and I look at her in disbelief. “You threw this party—?”
“To get you two back together? Yup.”
“That is so beyond devious, I don’t even know what to say to you,” I tell her with awe in my voice.
“How about thank you?” She smirks at me.
“Thank you,” I say, and then I’m pushing through the crowd on the deck, making my way down the steps and across the lawn. Kate’s back is to me as I approach them, and a few other couples are dancing as well.
My eyes are pinned on the douche that has his hands on Kate’s waist, and the minute he catches my glare, his own eyes flare with unease. He immediately releases his hold on Kate and takes a step backward as I approach. I give him a nod and growl, “Take a hike.”
Kate’s head snaps my way and her eyes go wide when she sees me. She then flicks her surprised gaze over to Mark, but he’s already walking away.
“That was rude,” she says indignantly.
“He’ll get over it,” I say as I take her hands and bring them up so they rest on my shoulders. My arms wrap around her waist and I pull her in close.
Bending my head down, I rest my cheek on the top of her head and start swaying to the music. Her body follows right along with me, but she’s stiff…uncertain in the way she’s touching me. I don’t care, though.
She’ll melt before I get through with her.
“What are you doing, Zack?” she asks me hesitantly.
I lift my head from hers and peer down at her. The blue color of her eyes is stunningly clear, but the entirety of her gaze is filled with confusion.
“I wanted to talk to you,” I say simply.
“About what?” she asks back, just as simply.
I don’t respond right away, but rather sweep my gaze around Sutton’s yard. So many happy people here, and the ones that look the happiest to me happen to be standing beside their loved ones. My eyes flick up to the deck and Ryker is still standing next to Sutton, who has her arm wrapped around Alex’s waist. They all three simultaneously give me thumbs-up signs and big grins.
It encourages me.
When I look back down at Kate, I tell her, “I donated Gina’s clothes today to the church that Mely belongs to.”
“Oh,” she says softly, and with sweet sympathy in her eyes. “Was it hard?”
“Yes,” I tell her honestly. “It was hard, but they were taking up space and served no good purpose to either me or Ben. So it needed to be done.”
At this moment, I’m the only one who understands the double meaning behind what I just said. Kate will learn it soon enough, though.
“Thank you for framing my diploma,” Kate says, and is that my imagination…or did she just snake her hands up a little farther toward my neck? “It was a beautiful gift.”
Not as beautiful as you. Not the first gift I want to bestow upon you.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Ryker hung it in my room. It’s not the most girly of décor items, but I do love looking at it.”
And I can’t fucking help myself. I lower my face and place a kiss on the top of her head. She sighs in response and I pull her in closer.
She’s still not yielding to me completely and I still haven’t told her what’s really important. Neither one of us is moving forward until I do.
“You and I have talked a lot about my guilt,” I start out.
“Yes,” she murmurs.
“I’ve told you some of it…but there was something I held back from you. I think I held it back because I didn’t truly want to admit it to myself.”
Kate’s right hand slides all the way up my neck and her fingers go into my hair to gently rub me in comfort. “You can tell me anything, Zack.”
“I know,” I say as I close my eyes briefly to relish her touch. When I open them back up, her gaze makes me feel safe and secure. “Do you know why Gina and I never married?”
She shakes her head in the negative.
“Because I didn’t want to. She did, but I didn’t.”
I wait a moment for that to sink in…maybe for some sort of chastisement to reflect back at me, but Kate just merely tilts her head to the side in curiosity, waiting for me to continue.
Taking a deep breath, I say, “All those years…I never asked Gina to marry me because there was something missing. I don’t think she thought anything was missing, but I did. I couldn’t name it. Couldn’t point it out. Couldn’t articulate it. It was just something in my gut that told me that I wasn’t supposed to marry her. That she wasn’t the one.”
I halt…take another deep breath, because, fuck, that hurt to say it.
I’m so sorry, Gina.
Kate’s other hand comes up to lace her fingers behind my neck and she steps in a little closer to me. It’s her way of telling me that she’s listening and I should continue with confidence and security.
“Something was missing and I had no clue what it was. I thought about it so much after Gina died. I thought now that she was gone, maybe it would become apparent what it was. But I got nothing. I obsessed about it. I felt so damned guilty and stupid that I didn’t even know what it was. And then I felt even more guilty, after she died, that I couldn’t give her something that would have made her happy. I mean, Kate…I loved Gina. Really loved her, but not enough to marry her.”