I give her a smirk and say, “Yeah…as you can see, kind of busy.”
There it is…hurt, pain, confusion on that beautiful face. And for a split instant, I feel vindicated. I feel happy that she’s feeling the brutality of rejection…same as me.
Her eyebrows furrow in and she looks at me with pleading eyes. “Please.”
A sharp pain pinches at my chest, followed by a wave of shame. But I push it down, screaming at it to go away. I call on the memory of my misery these last few weeks and I let it fortify me.
“Sorry,” I say in a totally unapologetic voice. “But maybe I’ll call you sometime.”
Olivia looks bewildered. She looks at me as if I’m a stranger. She looks devastated.
Her eyes get shiny, but she hastily blinks to dispel the formation of any tears. Understanding filters in, and she gives me a short nod of acceptance, but she can’t hide the tiny quiver of her lip as she turns away. Her shoulders slump forward and she starts pushing her way through the crowd and toward the exit door.
Total guilt overwhelms me, crashing hard and sucking my breath away.
“Aw, fuck,” I mutter as I pull away from the brunette.
“God, what a skank,” she says to the two women with her, and my guilt is completely obliterated with white-hot rage.
I round on the woman and lean down to get in her face. “Bitch…you need to look in the mirror before you go calling someone else a skank.”
All three women gasp and shrink away from me, but I don’t give them another glance. I push my way through the crowd, roughly, and make a beeline for the door. I come crashing through it and practically run over Olivia, who is just standing there, looking across the parking lot. My hands come out and I grab her shoulders, slowing my momentum.
She jerks in my grasp, spinning on me, but the minute she sees it’s me who has her, her body relaxes. Her eyes flash hot and she pulls away. “Decided maybe you did have some time to talk?”
I scrub a frustrated hand through my hair. “Yeah…look, I’m sorry about that. I was not with those women. They had just come up to me to talk when you walked in.”
She cocks a jaundiced eyebrow at me and folds her arms across her chest. “Didn’t look that way to me. That woman looked awful cozy with you.”
“You didn’t see me returning it, did you?” I shoot back at her.
“You certainly weren’t pushing her away,” she fires back at me.
Rubbing both of my hands over my face, I sigh heavily. “Look…I was trying to piss you off. Hurt you the way you hurt me. I clearly succeeded, and I’m sorry. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would.”
Olivia snorts and some of the anger dies out of her eyes. She watches me for a minute, then says, “I’m sorry I hurt you. Please know my motives were to prevent you pain down the road. I’d never want to hurt you.”
Some patrons come out of the bar, loud and rowdy. This isn’t the place to talk, so I take Olivia by the elbow and lead her deeper into the parking lot, away from the noise.
When I release her, I turn to her with a heavy heart and a fatigue in my soul. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
Olivia sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, worrying at the fragile skin. Her eyes are cast downward when she says, “I made a mistake.”
“A mistake?” I can’t help but sneer. “You crushed my heart, and you call that just a mistake?”
Unfair, I know, but I can’t help it. I need to get the anger out. It needs to come off my chest.
She nods at me, still gnawing at her lip, with her hands grasped and wringing each other. “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing what was best for you—”
“Best for me?” I lash out at her, completely consumed with rage over what she did to me. Over how careless she was with what we had. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You want to play this off as you being altruistic?”
“No,” Olivia says quickly, throwing her hands out in supplication. “I was being stupid.”
“Finally, we agree on something,” I say in exasperation as I shove my hands into my pockets.
We stare at each other for a moment, and then Olivia steps in close to me. She raises a hand up and lays it on my chest. It feels so much better than it did when that brunette touched me, and the scent of Olivia washes over me.
Infuses me.
Overwhelms me.
Hurts me.
I step back from her and she pleads with me. “Please forgive me, Garrett. I want us to have another chance. I love you and I should have never taken away your choice in all of this.”
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, then buck myself up. “I think that may be the most truthful thing you’ve ever said.”
“The part about me loving you?” she asks.
“No, the part about you shouldn’t have taken that choice away from me,” I say flatly.
Hesitantly, she asks, “So…will you forgive me?”
I hold her stare for a moment, taking in the sorrow in her eyes. Feeling terrible for her that she needs to be forgiven. Giving a short nod, I say, “Yes, I forgive you.”
Relief swims in her lovely green eyes, and her entire body seems to relax. “And we can try again? You’ll give us another chance?”
My lips turn upward in a morbid smile. My eyes are sad…I know it, because I feel it in my heart. Shaking my head, I say, “No. I can’t begin to tell you how bad you hurt me. You abused the trust I had in you and had no care with my heart. I’m not sure that can be overcome.”