“You’re both wrong,” she said, and I suppose that was probably true.
God, I want that man back. No matter how hard my mom tried to lecture me on the mistake I had made, no matter the disappointment I saw from Stevie, no matter how much I hurt myself because I didn’t have Garrett anymore…none of that was strong enough to sway me from my mission of letting Garrett go so he could avoid pain later down the road.
No…only one thing had sunk into my thick skull, and it came courtesy of a man that I wasn’t all that close to.
Alex.
I had been so busy concentrating on contingencies if I died, I never once bothered to see the opposite side. All I could focus on is “What if I die?”
Alex had simply asked me, “But what if you fucking live?”
It was like a bolt of lightning had struck me, so strong was the epiphany I had. It made me think back to the very thing that brought me and Garrett together in the first place.
My desire to live life to the fullest. I took a wild gamble and hopped into bed for a rowdy one-night stand that was supposed to prove to myself that I still had a whole lot of living left to do. It was this zest for life, the insatiable need for me to thumb my nose at my cancer, that made it possible for me to even open up to Garrett.
Life…that is what it’s all about, and somewhere along the way, I forgot about it. I ended up getting sidetracked with negativity. Fear then controlled me…it made me its bitch. Then it gave me bad advice and had me send away the one thing in my life that I wanted to live for above all else.
Garrett.
So, I wised the fuck up and immediately made arrangements to go to Garrett’s game that night. Stevie had only a single ticket from Garrett, but a quick call to Sutton and Alex got three tickets for me, her, and Glenn.
Seeing him on the ice again…my heart filled with pride. I let the excitement wash through me and I felt invigorated.
I felt alive.
It was a little bit of a slap in the face when Garrett made brief eye contact with me, then looked like someone had rubbed his nose in shit. He didn’t look at me again, but I wasn’t going to let that dissuade me.
Even when I walked into Houlihan’s and saw those women fawning all over him, I wasn’t going to be cowed. I was going to get my man back.
And, yeah…it was another slap in the face that Garrett wouldn’t talk to me, but I walked out of Houlihan’s trying hard not to cry, but even at the same time letting my brain spin on overdrive, trying to figure another way to come at Garrett.
To get him to forgive me.To get him to love me again.
I wasn’t going down without a vicious fight.
And…I got another metaphorical slap in the face when he nicely accepted my apology, but flatly refused to give me another chance. I wanted to shake him, knock some sense into him, but I could see what was driving him.
Anger and pain.
I knew it would do no good to keep after him that night, and that he probably needed some time to cool down. Alex had called me that night and wisely advised me not to give up on Garrett.
And because my focus is back on living my life to the fullest, there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that. I’m going to get him back somehow, but I just haven’t figured the angle yet. Stevie and Sutton have been a bust so far.
Maybe I need Alex to help me scheme. I’ve heard countless times the story of how Alex groveled to Sutton in front of the entire Cold Fury arena, begging for her to love him again. It worked like a charm, so I’m thinking maybe I need some type of grand gesture.
I know…I’ll beat this cancer, and then I can say with flourish, “See, Garrett…I did this just for you.”
That will surely win him back.
I snicker to myself over that, so very happy that I can find amusement even in my current predicament.
“What’s so funny?” I hear, and my head snaps up to see Garrett staring down at me. He has a small smile on his face, and his green eyes are sparkling. He doesn’t look mad at me, so that’s a plus.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, completely ignoring his question.
He shrugs and glances around at the other patients before pulling the guest chair over in front of my own recliner. He sits down opposite me and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I made arrangements with Stevie to let me sit in on this treatment with you. He just dropped you off, and he’s probably back at Fleurish now.”
My heart soars over this news, because it means something that he’s here. It means I still have a chance…a fucking good chance. I decide to play a little hard to get, though. “Well, maybe I don’t want you here. You sort of said it all the other night.”
Garrett scratches his head and gives me a sheepish look. “Yeah, well, I figured you might feel that way, so I waited until you got hooked up to the chemo before I came in. Figured you couldn’t run and would be forced to listen to me.”
I bow my head and place my hand over my mouth to hide the grin that forms on my face. Glancing up at him, I see he’s smiling back at me.
We just stare at each other. I marvel at the beautiful man sitting opposite me. Not just beautiful in the physical sense, although I will admit I wanted to jump him when I first laid eyes on him. I mean beautiful straight through to his soul. The fact that I failed to recognize how special he was, that I was willing to let that get away from me, is a blatant reminder of what an idiot I can be sometimes.
Garrett sighs and leans back in his chair, raising his legs up and propping his large, booted feet on my chair on both sides of my hips. He crosses his hands over his stomach and says, “Where the hell do we go from here?”