“Drop your robe,” I order her, my voice low and gruff. I take another sip of beer.
“Alex?” she says, uncertainty ringing clear, but her hands go to the belt to undo the knot. My pulse quickens when she pulls the belt away and I get just a peek of her skin underneath.
“Come here,” I tell her, and I know she’s not hearing the normal sexual rumble of passion that fuels me. I know I sound cold and controlling. It’s the same tone I’ve used on Cassie time and again, and that thought makes my stomach curdle.
It doesn’t deter me, though. When she reaches me, her feet stopping just short of mine, she just stares down at me, not understanding what I want or need. Hell, I don’t know what I need. But I do know I want her.
I want her to make me forget for just a little bit.
“Get on your knees for me, baby,” I taunt her. “Show me what you’ve got.”
Fuck, I’m being a dick and I can’t stop myself. My own dick lengthens and goes rock hard at the prospect of her mouth on me.
I smirk at her, waiting to see what she does but I’m wholly unprepared for the glistening of tears that form in her eyes. I feel like someone took a sledgehammer to my gut.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asks in a small voice, her bottom lip quivering slightly.
Fuck, oh f**k. What the hell am I doing?
Jumping up from the chair and dropping my bottle to the floor, I pull her into my arms and hug her tight to me.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her quickly, placing a kiss on her temple.
I squeeze her again. “I’m so sorry. I’m just having a shitty day and I took it out on you.”
Pulling back slightly, I look down at her and she blinks hard at the tears so they slide down her cheeks. I’m relieved that no others take their place. Reaching up, I wipe the wetness from her face and wait for her to say something.
“Alex, please tell me what’s wrong?” she pleads, her hands cupping my jawline. “Talk to me.”
I feel the soft graze of her fingers on my skin and I breathe in deeply the smell of her hair. She is everything I could possibly want in life and yet I have never been more unsure of the path I should take.
It was a f**king self-fulfilling prophecy. I told her she’d see the ass**le side of me again, and she just got a good dose. I told her I’d hurt her, and I did. I’m really not worthy of her when it boils down to it.
“I need to take a walk,” I tell her as I step away, watching her hands drop down to her sides, so she can re-belt her robe.She covers her skin, removing the tempting vision, and helps to push my final wall in place when she tries one more time to get me to open up. “Please just tell me what’s wrong. Let me try to help you.”
I viscerally pull back from her offer of talk and comfort. I can’t accept it and don’t want it. It’s not within me to let her in any further.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her as I lean in and kiss her on top of her head. “I’m going to go out for a walk. I’ll be back, but don’t wait up for me.”
Sutton drops her head so I can’t see her eyes, and I leave her there, staring at the floor as I leave the hotel room.
Chapter 24
Sutton
I find a parking spot and pull my car in, leaving the engine running because I’m a bit early and have some time. As tends to happen with me when my brain gets a break, I think of Alex.
It’s been two days since our trip to New York and I haven’t spoken to him. He’s supposed to meet me here for our first talk as part of the outreach program and I assume he’ll show. Actually, I’m going to be doing the talking and Alex is going to be there for star support, relegated at this point to just a small, prepared paragraph he’s going to read. We haven’t quite decided the details of how our tag team is going to work out when we start traveling this summer to launch the program, but I figured this would be a good way for us both to test the waters.
I can’t shake the heavy feeling that has surrounded me since New York. There was a moment in that hotel room when I was utterly afraid.
Oh, not afraid of Alex in any physical sense.
I was afraid that he was gone…lost…erased. I saw something in his eyes that was cold and beyond reach, and while I have no idea what caused it, I do know that he was on the brink of reverting back to the Alex Crossman that he has always warned me about.
Ordinarily, it would thrill me for Alex to ask me to give him a blow job, but the way he commanded me to do it? He was emotionally detached and looking for a release with no feelings involved. I sure as hell wasn’t about to give that to him.
I needed more and he needed more.
But then he snapped out of it, sort of, apologized and left to go take a walk. I lay in bed, unable to sleep and unable to turn my mind off because I was so worried about him. His walk lasted four hours, and when he came in around 3 A.M., he didn’t even say a word.
By the glow of New York City through the windows, I held my breath as he shed his clothes and crawled into bed with me. His first touch was to skim his fingers across my face and kiss me ever so softly. I opened my mouth to ask where he had been, and he made the kiss deeper.
Then he pulled back and looked down at me. “Just don’t say anything.”
I nodded and then he kissed me again.
And then Alex Crossman made love to me.
I mean the type that is slow, luxurious and tender. He never said a word…not one dirty or filthy thing. His hands were gently probing, his touch everywhere felt like a warm caress. This soft nature he showed me was almost unbearable and I was writhing on the bed seeking more, almost begging him to take me more forcefully.