“Reagan,” he whispered. “Shh. Calm down, baby.”
“I have to go after him,” she said. “I can’t let him leave. He said he loves me and I think… I know I love him too.”
She tried to pull away, but Ethan held her tight. “Reagan, he’s right. You can’t be happy with him. He basically told you that he’d cheat on you. I know firsthand that you don’t take that well.”
She punched him in the ribs. Okay, he deserved that.
“If I give him permission, it won’t be cheating.”
All the air seemed to vacate the room. “Permission? You never gave me permission.”
“You didn’t ask, Ethan. You didn’t even talk to me about it. You just screwed someone in our apartment when you thought I wouldn’t be home.”
“How many times have I apologized for that, Reagan? I knew you wouldn’t understand my attraction to men. I scarcely understand it.”
“It isn’t your attraction to men that I wouldn’t be able to understand. It’s how you could bring yourself to hurt me like that when you claimed to love me.”
“I do love you, Reagan.”
“Did,” she corrected.
He cupped her lovely face and tilted her head back. Brushing the tears from her cheeks with both thumbs, he looked into her eyes and said, “Do.”
He didn’t know what he expected her to say to his confession, but it wasn’t, “Argh!” She shoved him away. “Don’t confuse things even more. You drive me crazy, Ethan.”
“I know. I don’t mean to.” He just couldn’t manage to regain her trust enough to direct their relationship in the way he wanted it to go. Which wasn’t just friends. It had never been that kind of relationship to him. He’d let her dictate his feelings because he needed her in his life in some capacity. Any capacity. He knew he’d f**ked up. He owned that mistake. He didn’t know how to make it up to her though. Didn’t know if he could make it up to her. Maybe if he helped her keep Trey. Would that make her happy? “I could f**k Trey for you,” he blurted.
“What?” she sputtered.
“He’s attracted to me. I can fulfill his sexual desires and you could trust me not to take him away from you. I want you to be happy.”
“Did you seriously just volunteer to f**k my boyfriend?”
“Actually, Reagan, he’s not your boyfriend. He just dumped you.” Ethan jabbed a thumb toward the front door of the apartment.
“Shut up! He just needs a little time.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “But not too much time.” She groaned and scrubbed her face with both hands. “I don’t want to lose him, Ethan. Not because of this.”
“He told you what he needed to be happy.”
“Do you really think we could make him happy? Me and you. Together.”
“I’m more concerned about your feelings. Do you think you can handle sharing him? Even on a purely sexual level.”
“With you?” She took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’d rather know he was with you than some other guy, but…” She looked up at him. “Do you think he’ll go for this?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
Chapter 23
Trey hesitated with his hand on the knob of his apartment door. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be alone. Maybe he should go visit one of the guys. They were probably busy getting reacquainted with their loved ones. He wouldn’t want to intrude. Maybe Dare would like some company. He stayed up late.
Trey knew he would have to get used to living alone at some point. He’d never been alone a day in his life. He’d gone from living with his parents, to living with his band in a tiny studio apartment over a drycleaners, to living with Brian as roommates, and all of those years had been interspersed with being on tour with dozens of people to keep him company. Brian had moved out to live with Myrna several months ago, but Trey had always made sure he had someone to stay the night with him or that he stayed the night at someone else’s house when faced with the possibility of an empty apartment. He could call a hundred different people and he knew they’d come over to stay with him. He had plenty of friends. Unfortunately they were all friends with benefits and they’d expect sex. He wasn’t ready to go back to mindless f**king. Not so soon after breaking up with Reagan. Even though he’d broken it off with her, he didn’t feel free of her. He didn’t really want to be free of her, but for once in his life he cared about someone’s feelings more than he cared about his own. And it sucked.
Trey opened the door and flipped on the lights. He stepped over the threshold and froze in the entryway. It looked like home, but didn’t feel like home. Certain familiar things were missing—Brian’s leather jacket that usually lay discarded across the back of the sofa, the picture of Brian with his little sister that once rested on the entry table, Brian’s boots by the door, Brian. Trey took a step back. Maybe he should move in with Dare. At least he’d have someone to talk to. And that’s all he really wanted. Companionship. He didn’t do well on his own. Never had.
His phone rang and he was so glad to have someone to talk to that he didn’t even check caller ID before answering. “Hello?” He hoped he didn’t sound too desperate.
“Can we talk?”
Mark. The usual dread that filled Trey when he spoke to Mark was completely lacking. He was glad to hear from him. From anyone. He hadn’t answered the last twenty or so times Mark had called or texted. But now… he really needed someone to talk to.
“About what?” Trey asked.
“The tour is over now. Where are you?”
“I’m at home. Just got in.”
“You’re not staying with your girlfriend, Reagan, tonight?”
“How do you know about Reagan? I never told you her name.”
“It’s been the most discussed topic on Sinners’ News Blog for the past two weeks.”
Did they post on that f**king blog every time someone in the band sneezed or scratched his balls? “No. I’m not with her tonight. I needed a little time to myself.” Though he wanted to confide in someone about his breakup with Reagan and how miserable he was to be alone, he knew Mark was not the right person. Trey didn’t want to give him false hope.
“Liar. You suck at being alone.”
True. “So why did you call?”
“I just want to talk.”