Simon didn’t do things like that. He didn’t ask people to jog with him. He typically didn’t change his mind, either. If he decided something, that was it. If he didn’t think someone was cut out for a job, he didn’t hire them.
Hell, when he first moved here the plumbing had been screwed up. He hired a man, who showed up forty-five minutes late, and Simon met him at the door and let him know he’d hired someone else. The replacement plumber wouldn’t come until two hours after he sent the first away, but those two hours weren’t because the man just ran late without calling. Those kinds of things bothered Simon.
Yet unlike the plumber, he’d given Trevor a second chance, and he wasn’t sure what to think about that. He’d spent an hour on a pros and cons list of hiring Rock Solid, if that said anything for his confusion. Cons won, yet he wasn’t sure it mattered.
He’d seen a hidden piece of himself in Trevor. A part that felt unsure, was angry, that wanted something they didn’t have.
Somehow, it had made him feel a little less alone.
As much as he hated that, hated feeling insecure about himself in any way, or feeling an unexplainable connection to a man he didn’t know, Simon couldn’t deny that he felt it. Couldn’t deny that it intrigued him.
It felt like giving Trevor another shot was the right thing to do. Or maybe he just wanted it to be, because of that fucking intrigue. Simon wasn’t sure he often did the right thing, so this was probably more for him in whatever way, than it was for Trevor.
He shook his head. He needed to stop overthinking everything, yet that’s who he was. It always had been.
Simon moved to his bed. He could take a nap. That would make his brain shut down. It wasn’t as though he had anything else to do.
But it didn’t work. It rarely did.
He thought about the last heart he’d held in his hand. How many people could say they’d held someone’s heart in their hand? Not in the way you did when you loved someone, but an actual beating heart.
“I decided I’m doing the surgery.”
His colleague’s eyes widened. “It’ll happen without you, Dr. Malone. You don’t have to do it. Over at county hospital—”
“They’re not as good as I am and you know it.” Simon smiled. He loved being that good. He knew he was.
“Yes, but they also will get paid for it in a way that you won’t. There’s no insurance.”
The way his fellow surgeon spoke, almost made Simon feel stupid, like an amateur, but then...this is what he’d gotten into surgery for, wasn’t it? To save lives. To matter. This mattered. What he did mattered.
“You’re not the one who should be doing this and you know it.” She shrugged as though they weren’t talking about a person.
“I’m the only one who should be doing it.” Because he could save her. Because saving people was all that mattered. Because Simon performed miracles.
A week later as he’d held her heart in his hand, her chest open in front of him, the beep and comforting lull of machines around him, he’d known he made the right decision, pro bono or not.
He might be a surly bastard sometimes. He might not know how to love people. He might not have ever had many people who’d loved him in his life, but he had this.
Simon’s eyes jerked open, nausea rolling through his gut.
He used to have it.
CHAPTER SEVEN
When Trevor woke up Sunday morning for his run, Blake wasn’t up yet. He hadn’t been home when Trevor got in the night before, either. He felt a little sting of jealousy that his brother had probably gone out, had a few drinks with friends, maybe went home with someone and had sex.
Jesus, he missed sex. He hadn’t had it in over a year.
Blake could do those things, though; Trevor couldn’t. Well, the sex he could, but it was different being sober. Where do you pick someone up when you can’t go to a bar or a club? He wasn’t into dating apps. Meeting up for anonymous sex wasn’t his thing.
He considered calling Simon. Maybe the man would want to go on another run with him? It never hurt to have someone there to keep you motivated, but in the end, he decided against it. The first time they met, Simon looked down his nose at Trevor. The fact that they’d gone on a run together yesterday, and Simon agreed to give them a chance, didn’t change anything. There was no reason to try to pretend they were all buddy-buddy.
As it always did, running cleared Trevor’s head. By the time he stumbled back into the small house he shared with his brother, sweaty and out of breath, Blake was home.