He didn’t see it that way, though. He ran on logic, and logic told him a second surgery likely wouldn’t change anything. The first surgery hadn’t helped, nor had therapy. His hand just didn’t have the same precision that it once did, and there was nothing he could do about it....but what if he could?
Simon’s cell rang and he found himself smiling. He never had a problem being alone before. He’d preferred it. But it wasn’t like that anymore. The house felt too quiet. He felt too quiet, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about these new changes.
“Hello?”
“I think you had this whole thing planned...lure me in with your good looks and bad attitude. Make me miserable because I wanted you, and believed you were straight, and then just when I thought I was about to snap, you pounced. You got a sick pleasure from making me go out of my mind, didn’t you?” It was Trevor.
“But you kissed me first. Doesn’t that mean you’re the one who pounced?” Simon held the phone with his left hand, his right one on his stomach, his thumb absently brushing back and forth. He was glad Trevor called.
“That’s because I was out of my mind, remember?”
“Do you have any regrets?” Simon knew what the answer to that question would be. At least he hoped he did.
“Hell no!”
He chuckled. “Then stop complaining.” Simon moved the computer from his lap and set it beside him.
“You?” Trevor asked after a pause.
He probably should but the answer came easily. “No.” And then, “You sound off. Is everything okay?” Maybe that was something he wasn’t supposed to notice but he did. There was a somber tone to Trevor’s voice. He got it from time to time, but Simon was usually around him when he did—when he spoke about his past or something. This time, he didn’t know, but he could hear it there.
“Listen to you, sounding like you know me or something.” There was laughter in Trevor’s voice but it didn’t ring true.
“I know you.” And Simon did. Maybe not in all the ways there were to know a person, but more than he’d known anyone in a long time. More than he wanted to know people. “Stop trying to make me talk. This is supposed to be about you.”
“You never want things to be about you.”
“So?” Simon replied.
Trevor sighed. “It’s not a big deal. Blake and I got into it. It happens all the time. I love him, but he can be an ass when he wants to. He’s worried about Rock Solid.”
Simon didn’t have to ask why to know the answer. “He has no reason to be. Regardless of anything else, you’re doing good work. The two things are separate. Nothing outside of the remodel will affect it from my end.” He meant that.
“I think he’s more worried about me fucking it up than anything else.”
“You won’t.” Simon wasn’t a stupid man. He used his brain over everything else. There was no way he could be assured Trevor wouldn’t slip, just like there was no way to know his hand would get busted up. Still, he said it.
“It’s easier for you to say because you weren’t around. You didn’t see. I wasn’t always a nice guy, Simon. You need to know that.”
And Simon was? Maybe it was a different kind of trouble they’d been in, but neither had always done the right thing. Simon hadn’t done the right thing by people in his life, either. “You won’t,” he said again. “You’re lucky to have him. I know you know that, but just remember, it’s because he cares.” It was something Simon hadn’t really had—family who cared.
“What about you? Do you have family out there to drive you bat shit crazy? I’ve never heard you talk about anyone other than Heather.”
That’s because he’d never had anyone. Not really. “No. My father passed away when I was eighteen. There was never anyone else.” In a lot of ways, there hadn’t even been him. Not in the ways that mattered.
“How did he die?” Trevor asked.
“His heart,” came out automatically. And then, “I should go.”
“Too much, huh? I get it. I’m not used to this, either. That’s one thing I miss about being high all the time. I didn’t have to worry about feeling things I didn’t want to.”
That made sense. Simon could understand that. And he also knew he wanted to see Trevor soon. “Monday. You can come over in the morning to run if you want.”
“Hey,” Trevor called out before Simon could hang up the phone. “You were right about one thing. You know me.”