Getting involved with a friend put an extra layer of intimacy that Simon just wasn’t sure how to deal with.
So he didn’t. They continued to jog together in the mornings. They laughed and talked. Trevor used his shower before walking up the hill for work every day. Wrong or right, he wondered what the rest of Rock Solid thought. If they assumed he and Trevor were sleeping together or not, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
But then Friday rolled around, and the thought of spending the weekend alone made his chest ache. They hadn’t talked about running. He wouldn’t be able to walk up the hill and peek in on the remodel if he got bored.
He would be alone.
The way he’d always wanted.
What are you doing tonight? Do you want to come over? Simon stared at the text for a good five minutes before he hit send.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“It’s an adjustment, learning how to live again. Or maybe it’s learning how to live for the first time. That’s how it feels sometimes.” Trevor shifted in his seat as he listened to the man speaking in front of the room. He kept shifting his weight from his right leg to his left, obviously uncomfortable. Trevor would feel the same way. Even watching him was awkward, because the words could be his own.
“How do you know the right way to do this? It’s a struggle every day. There are some days I feel like I’m moving too quickly. As though I’m trying to get my life back before I’m ready, and what if that ends up hurting me? What if it makes me relapse? But then...it feels good really living. To experience my life in a different way than I let myself before.”
Trevor leaned forward, soaking it in. Listening to his own thoughts being spoken from someone else as he held his coin in his hand. He loved the weight of it there. The reminder of what he was trying to do.
“That’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Learn to live? Really live? Be happy? Can you really rush that?” the man asked.
“What makes you happy?” another man questioned.
Rock Solid. Mom. Blake. Simon. Trevor answered the question even though it wasn’t for him. Simon. That was a new one to add to his list. But it was true. Simon made him happy.
Trevor drove straight from his meeting to Simon’s. It had been the plan since Simon texted him earlier in the day. It made for a rushed day—work, home for a quick shower, the meeting, and now Simon’s. He had no idea what they were going to do, why Simon asked him over when the only time he’d seen Simon outside of work in the past week had been on their runs. Trevor considered stopping to ask if his friend wanted him to grab food before he got there, but he skipped the call and went straight over.
He felt an urgency beating through him. It was like a dull ache, starting beneath his skin and echoing out through his body.
What the fuck am I talking about? He laughed at himself, not really sure why in the fuck he felt so out of whack all of a sudden.
When he got to Simon’s, Trevor clicked the lock on the truck and headed to the front door.
His fist just came down on the dark wood when Simon pulled it open. “Hey,” Trevor managed to get out.
“Hi.” Simon wore a pair of jeans and a button-down, short sleeve shirt. His left hand massaged the scar on his right one. His dark hair was messier than usual. His eyes were small, almost like they were narrowed, as though Simon never stopped scrutinizing the world.
He studied Trevor. In that moment, Trevor felt like he was the knowledge Simon was looking for, and he wanted the man to learn everything about him.
Maybe it was the biggest mistake he could make.
Maybe he was rushing it.
Maybe Simon would kick him out.
All Trevor knew was he wanted to live. He grabbed the front of Simon’s shirt, pulled the man toward him, and took his mouth.
This was what he’d been waiting for.
***
Simon stumbled backward. Parted his lips and let Trevor inside. He smelled the hint of soap and cologne as he pushed the door closed, and then pulled Trevor closer.
“Tell me to stop.” Trevor’s mouth slid down his neck.
“Don’t stop.” The reply was automatic. He wanted this. Wanted Trevor. “I bought condoms.”
Trevor laughed. “Me too. Means we won’t run out.”
They kissed their way to the bedroom. Simon’s cock felt like it would erupt at any second. It ached with want. He groaned when Trevor’s hand cupped him through his jeans, when he rubbed his palm against Simon’s rod. “Shit.” He grabbed Trevor’s wrist. “You can’t do that. Not yet. I want you this time.” His experience would be a lot more limited than what Trevor was used to, but he knew what he liked. Knew what felt good to him.