“Wait, exactly how bad did it hurt, Tay? Did it hurt the way a punch in the stomach hurts?”
“Who’s ever punched you in the stomach?” Anika asked me.
“I have an older brother,” I reminded her.
“It’s a different kind of pain,” Taylor said.
“Did it hurt worse than period cramps?”
“Yes. But I would say it’s more comparable to getting a shot of Novocain in your gums.”
“Great, now she’s comparing losing your virginity to getting a cavity filled,” Anika said, getting up. “Iz, quit listening to her. I promise you it’s more fun than going to the dentist. It would be one thing if you were both virgins, but Jeremiah knows what’s up. He’ll take care of you.”
Taylor collapsed into another fit of giggles. “He’ll take care of her!”
I tried to smile, but my face felt frozen. Jeremiah had been with two other girls. His high school girlfriend, Mara, and now Lacie Barone. So yeah, I was pretty sure he’d know what to do. I just wished he didn’t.
We were all lying in my bed, side by side by side. We were just talking with the lights off, and Anika fell asleep first. I’d been going over and over it, whether or not I should confide in Taylor, tell her about Conrad, how mixed up I’d been feeling. I wanted to tell her, but I was also afraid.
“Tay?” I whispered. She was lying next to me, and I was on the edge of the bed because I was going to leave and sleep in Jere’s room when the boys came back.
“What?” Her voice was sleepy.
“Something weird happened.”
“What?” She was alert now.
“Yesterday, Conrad cut his leg up surfing, and I helped him, and there was this weird moment between us.”
“Did you kiss?” she hissed.
“No!” But then I whispered, “But I wanted to. I was—I was tempted to.”
“Whoa,” she said with a little sigh. “But nothing happened, right?”
“Nothing happened. I just feel … freaked out because I kind of wanted it to. Just for a second.” I let out a big breath. “I’m getting married in a couple of days. I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing other boys.”
Softly, she said, “Conrad’s not other boys. He’s your first love. Your first great love.”
“You’re right!” I said, relieved. I felt lighter already. “It’s nostalgia. That’s all this is.”
Taylor hesitated and then said, “There’s something I haven’t told you. Conrad went to see your mom.”
My breath caught. “When?”
“A couple of weeks ago. He convinced her to come to the bridal shower. She told my mom, and my mom told me… .”
I was silent. He did that for me?
“I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want it to get you all mixed up again. Because you love Jere, right? You want to marry him?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you sure? Because it’s not too late, you know.
You could still call the whole thing off—you don’t have to do this this weekend. You could take some more time… .”
“I don’t need more time,” I said.
“Okay.”
I rolled over. “Good night, Tay.”
“Good night.”
It took a while before her breathing turned heavy and regular, and I just lay there next to her, thinking.
Conrad was still looking out for me. Silently, I got out of bed, crossed the room, and felt my way around my bureau until I found it. My glass unicorn.
Chapter Forty-five
When Susannah would drop us off at the mall or the Putt Putt, she would put Conrad in charge every time.
She’d say, “Take care of them, Connie. I’m counting on you.”
There was this time we split up at the mall, because the boys wanted to go to the arcade and I didn’t. I was eight. I said I’d meet them in the food court in one hour.
I went straight to the glass-blower shop. The boys never wanted to go in the glass-blower shop, but I loved it.
I’d wander from counter to counter. I especially liked looking at the glass unicorns. I wanted to buy one, just a little one, but they were twelve dollars. I only had ten. I couldn’t stop looking at the unicorn. I’d pick it up then put it down again then pick it up again. Before I knew it, more than an hour had passed, almost two. I ran back to the food court as fast as I could. I worried the boys had left without me.
When I showed up, Conrad wasn’t there. Jeremiah and Steven were sitting in the Taco Bell section counting their arcade tickets. “Where have you been?” Steven said, looking annoyed.
I ignored him. “Where’s Conrad?” I asked Jeremiah, panting.
“He went off looking for you,” Jeremiah said. To Steven, he said, “Do you want to use our tickets to buy something now or save up a ton for next time?”
“Let’s wait,” Steven said. “The guy told me they’re getting more prizes next week.”
When Conrad came back a little while later to find me sitting with Jeremiah and Steven and eating an ice cream cone, he looked so mad. “Where were you?” he yelled. “You were supposed to be back here at three!”
I could feel a lump in my throat, and I knew I was about to cry. “At the glass-blower shop,” I whispered, my Moose Tracks ice cream dripping in my hand.
“If something happened to you, my mom would have killed me! I’m the one she left in charge.”
“There was this unicorn…”
“Forget it. You’re not coming anywhere with us anymore.”
“No, Conrad! Come on,” I cried, brushing my tears away with my sticky hand. “I’m sorry.”
He felt bad for yelling, I could tell. He sat down next to me and said, “Don’t ever do that again, Belly. From now on, we stick together. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said, sniffling.
For my birthday that August, Conrad gave me a glass unicorn. Not the small one, but the big one that cost twenty dollars. Its horn broke off during one of Jeremiah and Steven’s wrestling matches, but I kept it. I kept it right on top of my bureau. How could I have thrown such a gift away?
Chapter Forty-six
Conrad
I volunteered to be the DD. By the time we left the house, everyone was already pretty sloppy from the wine and beer.
We took that kid Tom or Redbird or whatever-his-name-is’s car because it was the biggest. It was practically a Hummer. Jere sat in the passenger seat next to me, and the other guys sat in the back.