Not that it mattered.
I’d send him home soon enough, but probably only once a few dates went bad and he had company. The solo eliminations had all been rather awful. For now I had to make a plan. Ten dates. That was the goal before I had to face another Report. And I’d need to get at least three of them in the papers. How could I make them look magnificent?
Mom was in the Women’s Room with Miss Lucy, meeting with a mayor. There weren’t very many ladies holding down those positions, so I knew them by heart. This was Milla Warren from Calgary gracing our home today. I hadn’t planned on making this an official visit, but now I had no choice.
I curtsied, greeting Mom and her guest.
“Your Highness!” Ms. Warren sang, standing to give me a deep curtsy. “It’s a pleasure to see you, and during such an exciting time!”
“We’re very happy to have you as well, ma’am. Please sit.”
“How are you, Eadlyn?” Mom asked.
“Good. I have some questions for you later,” I added quietly.
“No doubt a little boy talk, eh?” Ms. Warren asked with a wink. Mom and Miss Lucy indulged her with a laugh, but while I smiled, I thought she should know the truth.
“I don’t think the Selection is quite what you imagine.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Please, give me thirty-five men fighting over me any day!”
“Honestly, it’s more work than anything,” I promised. “We make it look exciting, but it’s challenging.”
“I can back that up,” Mom said. “No matter what side of the situation you’re on, it’s hard. There are long hours of nothing happening followed by bursts of events.” She shook her head. “Even now, just thinking back on it, I feel tired.”
Mom rested her head on her hand and flicked her eyes toward me. There was something in her expression, that motherly, accepting look, that made me feel understood and comforted.
But there was the same worry there, the hint of stress that Dad was wearing this morning. She brushed off the moment and focused on Ms. Warren. “So, Milla, the last I heard, things were going well in Calgary.”
“Oh, yes, well, we’re a quiet bunch.”
She’d stopped by on little more than a social call, and I sat there holding my perfect posture until she decided to leave. Which only happened because I slipped a note to the maid asking that she come in and tell Mom she was needed urgently.
The second Ms. Warren was out the door, Mom straightened her dress. “Let me go see what this is all about.”
“Relax, it’s just me.” I studied my nails. They needed some work.
Mom and Miss Lucy stared.
“I wanted to talk to you and she wouldn’t stop, so I made an appointment. Sort of.” I flashed a cheeky smile.
Mom shook her head. “Eadlyn, sometimes you can be a little manipulative.” She sighed. “And sometimes it’s a gift. Ugh, I didn’t think I could take much more.”
I giggled conspiratorially with her and Miss Lucy, glad I wasn’t alone.
“I feel bad for her,” Mom said guiltily. “She doesn’t get out much, and it’s hard to do her job alone. But I didn’t appreciate how she spoke to you.”
I made a face. “I’ve had worse.”
“True.” She swallowed. “What did you need?”
I glanced at Miss Lucy. “Of course,” she answered to my unspoken request. “I’m around all day if you need me.” She curtsied to Mom, kissed me on my head, and left. It was such a tender gesture.
“She’s so good to me,” I said. “The boys, too. Sometimes I feel like I ended up with several mothers.”
I smiled at Mom, and she nodded. “I kept the people I love close, and they have fawned over you since the moment they knew you were coming.”
“I really wish she had children,” I said sadly.
“Me, too.” Mom swallowed. “I guess by now it’s common knowledge that she’s faced a long struggle with no success. I’d do nearly anything to be able to help her.”
“Have you tried?” I felt like there was little the Schreaves couldn’t accomplish.
Mom blinked a few times, trying not to cry. “I shouldn’t tell you this; it’s private. But, yes, I’ve done everything I could. I even went so far as to offer to be a surrogate and carry a baby for her.” She pressed her lips together. “It was the one time I regretted being queen. It appears my body isn’t always mine, and there are certain things I’m not allowed to do.”
“Says who?” I demanded.
“Everyone, Eadlyn. It’s not exactly a traditional thing to do, and our advisers thought the people would be upset by it. Some even argued that any baby I carried would have to be in line for the throne. It was ridiculous, so I had to let it go.”
I was quiet for a minute, watching my mother recover from a heartbreak years old, and one that wasn’t even her own in a way.
“How do you do that?”
“What?”
“It’s like you’re always giving pieces of yourself away. How do you have anything left for you? I feel exhausted watching you sometimes.”
She smiled. “When you know who matters most to you, giving things up, even yourself, doesn’t really feel like a sacrifice. There are a handful of people who I’d lay down my life for without a second thought. And then there are the people of Illéa, our subjects, who I lay my life down for in a different way.”
She lowered her eyes and touched up her already immaculate dress. “You probably have people you’d sacrifice for and you don’t know it. But you will, one day.”
For a second I wondered if we were actually related. All the people she was thinking about—Dad, Ahren, Miss Lucy, Aunt May—were important to me, too. But mostly I needed them to help me, not the other way around.
“Anyway,” she said, “what was it that you needed?”
“Oh, so Dad has deemed that the remaining boys aren’t complete lunatics, so I’m focusing on dates this week,” I answered, leaning forward. “I’m looking for ideas that would be easy but look great on camera.”
“Ah.” She lifted her eyes to the ceiling in thought. “I’m not sure how useful I can be in that department. Nearly all the dates I had with your father during my Selection were walks around the garden.”
“Seriously? How did you two even get together? That’s so boring!”