Tate walked up to me slowly, and I leaned down to pick her up in a hug.
Bad idea.
Her fist swung out and pounded me right in the arm, making me stumble backward.
“Damn it, Tate.” I winced, hearing Jax laughing in the background.
At least she avoided my nose this time.
“You’re a jerk,” she scolded. “Here we’re thinking you’re in bad shape, and you’re just fine! Playing soccer and partying. What’s the matter with you?”
Still wincing, I rubbed my arm and dropped my backpack. “Nothing. I know I’ve been out of touch, but you shouldn’t have worried. You’re just mad because you missed my hot ass, huh?”
She huffed, and I laughed a little. They cared. Enough to show up at my school and ambush me outside my soccer game. As pissed off as they looked, it made me happy that they’d come.
In truth, I’d known they would. And for some reason, I just couldn’t reach out myself. I didn’t want to hear about how much fun they were having at home this summer. I didn’t want to take the chance of hearing any gossip or news about my father’s divorce.
I missed my friends, and I knew I’d miss them more if I stayed in contact.
That’s how it had to be. Until now.
Jared stepped forward, and Tate placed a casual hand around his waist, bunching up his gray T-shirt.
“Damn right, we shouldn’t have worried, ass**le,” he growled in a low voice. “Fallon was right.”
I straightened, my neck heating up. “What are you talking about?”
I hadn’t said her name out loud in months. I’d thought about her, though, even though I didn’t want to.
“She came with us today.” Tate looked too happy to deliver that blow but then tightened her lips. “But she split when it was obvious that you were fine.”
Wait, what?
“Why is she with you?” I shook my head, disbelieving.
“Because Tate and Fallon are roommates,” Jared chimed in, losing patience. “What’s the big deal?”
“What?” I blurted. “She lives with you?”
“Yeah.” Tate let out a bitter laugh. “You two don’t keep in touch much, do you?”
I nodded sarcastically, bending down to pick up my bag. “That’s awesome. She’s living with one of my best friends and hanging out with the other two.”
“Well, she’s been a better friend than you lately,” Jared gritted out. “I can’t believe we had to chase you down like this.”
“Yeah, we better get a good time out of this tonight,” Jax chimed in, shoving his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie.
I barely heard them, the anger pouring in and out of my lungs faster by the second.
I looked at Tate. “Where is Fallon?” I asked.
“She said she was going to walk around until we were ready to leave.” She took out her phone and began texting. “We thought we’d stay the night, but I have a race in Shelburne Falls tomorrow night, so we weren’t staying the whole weekend. But . . .” She looked up. “You seem happy as a clam without us here, so I guess we’ll head back tonight.”
No.
“You’re not leaving. I’ve been a jerk, and I can’t explain right now, but . . .” I nodded. “I want you guys here.”
Tate sighed, looking at her phone. “She’s at the Grotto.”
I blew out a huge-ass breath and tossed Jared my dad’s house key. “You remember where my dad’s house is at, right?” He’d tagged along one weekend when Tate was in France two years ago.
“You all go there,” I said, walking toward my car. “I’ll go get Fallon.”
• • •
The Grotto was a landmark at Notre Dame and a reproduction of a French shrine where the Virgin Mary appeared to Saint Bernadette in the 1800s. For believers and nonbelievers, it was a beautiful spot on campus where people went to pray, meditate, think, or just be quiet for a while.
I couldn’t claim to be churchgoing guy, but even I lit candles there before games and tests.
Just in case.
It’s also where my father proposed to my mother more than twenty years ago. And look how that turned out.
I didn’t know what I would say to Fallon, and I wasn’t even sure what I wanted from this. Did I want her to leave? No. Should I want her to leave? Yes.
She deserved every f**king cold shoulder in the world. What nerve she had showing up here. Blackmailing my father; nearly throwing Jared’s mom under the bus; and jerking me up, down, and all around for her own pleasure.
Sure, I’d spun out for a few weeks after getting to South Bend, but then I’d zoned in on soccer and my friends. I was fine.
And yeah, I’d gone AWOL on my best friends. And sure, I’d barely laughed since being here, but I was still handsome like nobody’s business.
That worked for me.
Walking through the clean-cut lawns, veering down sidewalks under the canopy of nearly bare trees, I spotted the Grotto tucked back into a rock wall.
And Fallon was there.
Not sitting and sulking like I thought she’d be. Or wanted her to be.
No, she was standing in front of the shrine, hands in her back pockets, staring at the sea of candles flickering in the light wind. The Virgin Mary sat perched in her cove above to the right, and I shook my head, smiling at the irony.
People came here to pray. A few individuals were kneeling before the fence separating them from the shrine right now.
I couldn’t yell at her here. Damn.
Sitting down on the bench behind her, I threw my arms over the back and waited for her to turn around.
Her light brown hair blew across her shoulders, and her small hands cupped her ass in her jeans pockets. I closed my damn mouth and swallowed.
“You know,” she started, turning her face to the side, “it’s inappropriate for you to stare at my ass here.”
The couple praying looked over at her and then to me and back down to their hands.
Yeah, pray for us.“But it’s the only nice thing about you, little sister.”
The couple’s gasp made me want to laugh, and they got up, the woman glaring at me as they walked off. I tightened my jaw, not wanting to admit that this was the first time I’d genuinely laughed in a while.
Fallon’s back straightened, and she turned around slowly, her patient eyes marking me, but I nudged my way in before she got started.
“So what did you think?” I asked. “That I was slowly circling the drain of despair without you?”
She hooded her eyes, embarrassment warming her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have come. Tate was sure you were snorting coke off a hooker’s ass on a daily basis. She bullied me.”
She’d be the expert. I laughed to myself, but then I tensed up.
She talked about Tate like they were friends. Like they had a whole relationship, and I wasn’t aware of it.
Hell, I wasn’t. I dropped the ball, and Fallon picked up what I had let go.
Fallon watched me, and I realized she wasn’t wearing her glasses. She usually wore them in public and only took them off in the bedroom. They were just reading glasses, so she didn’t need them all of the time, but it was like a fashion statement or something.
Now, they were gone. Her eyes were unshielded, and she was beautiful. Always beautiful. Just different now.
“Why would I be off the rails?” I challenged as she approached me. “I’m very happy. Great team, interesting classes, a good girl to spend my nights with . . .”
That was sort of the truth. I loved playing for the team. My classes sucked, though. I was bored as hell, not sure what I was doing half the time, and I didn’t have a girlfriend. I didn’t want one. Friends with benefits was the arrangement Ashtyn and I had. She was a freshman, same as me, and played tennis for the school.
“Yeah, you have it good, Madoc. I’m glad.” She nodded. “Really, I am.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Believe it or not.” She came to sit down beside me, still keeping a distance. “I do want to see you happy.”
I stared at her mouth and the glint of silver I saw from her tongue. She’d put her tongue ring back in.
The muscles on the inside of my leg twitched because I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her tongue. I wanted to feel the ball on it dragging across my skin.
Fuck.
I looked away before responding. “Well, I am. Things are easy here. No bullshit, no drama.”
“Good,” she replied instantly. “I’m sorry they worried.”
Signal the end of the conversation. The mood was dead, and I was angrier than a motherfucker. I was pissed off and elated at the same time.
There was shit we weren’t saying, and fights we weren’t having. She thought she could nip this in the bud with a tidy little bow and walk away, but I wasn’t done.
Who the f**k was Fallon, anyway?
I wanted to come at her. Again and again until she came undone. I wanted her screaming and crying. I wanted to chip away this tough little act until she was red with anger and sobbing miserably.
I wanted her broken.
And then I wanted her shivering and grabbing for me in need.
I stood up and stretched my arms out behind me.
“So I offered everyone my dad’s house for the night. There are some bars to hit with the team, and I want to spend some time with Jared, Tate, and Jax—”
“Well, have fun,” she cut me off.
My stomach knotted. “You’re not staying?”
“No, we brought two cars. I’ll take Tate’s back tonight. I was just waiting to see what everyone else was doing before I headed out.”
I rubbed my jaw, trying to figure out how to keep her here without looking like I wanted her here.
“So stubborn,” I mumbled.
Her eyes shot up to mine. “What do you mean?”
Yeah, what did I mean?
I dug my keys out of my pocket and spoke without looking at her.
“Good-bye, Fallon.” My tone was curt.
Walking past her, I picked my cell out of my other pocket and dialed Jax.
“What?” he answered.
“Pull the plug on Tate’s throttle body,” I ordered.
“Why?”
“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell everyone where you disappear to on your long nights out.” My threat wasn’t empty. I probably should’ve told Jared when I’d found out last spring.
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” he grumbled.
I sneered. Although he couldn’t see it, he could hear it. “You didn’t. You showed me. And now I have those nightmares to contend with. I think I need to talk to someone about it,” I hinted. “I think I need talk to a lot of people.”
“All right!” he hissed. “Damn! It’s not like Tate’s not going to figure out how to fix it in two seconds anyway.”
“Well, you just make sure she doesn’t look under the hood then.”
CHAPTER 19
FALLON
At St. Joe’s, I read Dante’s Inferno. He stated that the seventh circle of hell was reserved for the violent. The inner ring of the circle housed the violent against God, the middle ring housed the suicides, and the outer ring was for the violent against people and property.
That was my ring.
Because I not only wanted to have a little tantrum with a baseball bat and this stupid karaoke machine, but I was going to f**k someone up as well.
After discovering that Tate’s car was out of commission until we could get to an open auto body shop tomorrow, I’d resigned myself to having to stay in South Bend for the night.
And to make matters worse, Tate and Jax seemed to be on a mission to make sure I followed them all out to a bar.
Madoc didn’t want me along. He’d joked that I’d fit in better at one of the community college parties.